ivman’s blague

My wife Becka and I have been talking about going to a Greenville Drive baseball game for a long time, but we just haven’t done it. After finding out in choir practice at church Sunday afternoon that my young friend Dan was going to be singing the national anthem at Monday night’s game, Becka and I talked about it half seriously in spite of being crazy busy. At the last minute Monday afternoon we decided we’d go to that game. (Such spontaneity, huh?!) Dan did a great job! (I knew he would because you know what the person who sits beside you in choir sounds like.)

There were a lot of things we enjoyed about our evening and a few things we could have lived nicely without, but all in all, it was a fun evening! One of the fun things was reading the slogans on the t-shirts people were wearing. Some of the t-shirts were among the things we could live nicely without, but some were clever and hilarious.

Here are some funny slogans from t-shirts. I also found some pictures of t-shirts online and add them to the mix.

Volunteering: It doesn’t pay

Camping is in-tents!

South Korea’s got Seoul

You Have the Right to Remain Silent, So Please Shut Up!

I’d Kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I’m Not Cynical - Just Experienced

Shin: A Device for Finding Furniture in the Dark

Out of My Mind - Will Be Back Shortly

If You Can Read This, My Wife Fell Off (on the back of a biker’s t-shirt)

I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We’re OK Now

Don’t Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen

First National Bank of Dad - Sorry, Closed

In Dog Years, I’m Dead

Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It’ll Be a Great Trade

It’s Hard to Be Nostalgic When You Can’t Remember Anything

Dinner Is Ready When the Smoke Alarm Goes Off

I’m Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes

Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well

Your Village Called - Their Idiot Is Missing

No, I’m Not on Steroids, But Thanks for Asking

I Am a Bomb Technician; If You See Me Running, You Should Keep Up

For Every Action, There Is an Equal and Opposite Government Program

I Don’t Suffer From Insanity - I Enjoy Every Minute of It

Nice Perfume - Must You Marinate In It?

I Hate Golf, I Hate Golf, I Hate Golf, NICE SHOT, I Love Golf…

Nobody Knows I’m Elvis

Those Who Live by the Sword Get Shot by Those Who Don’t

You Have the Right to Remain Silent - Anything You Say Will Be Misquoted, Then Used Against You

Actually, I Am a Rocket Scientist!

Blessed Are They Who Can Laugh at Themselves, for They Shall Never Cease to Be Amused

My Dog Can Lick Anyone

I Got to Vietnam Before McDonald’s Did

I’d Quit This Job But I Need the Sleep

The Secret: Find an Age You Like and Stick to It!

I Am Not a Pack Rat - I Am a Collector

Today Was a Total Waste of Makeup

I’m Your Father, Not an ATM

I Got This Shirt When I Turned 40. I HATE This Shirt!

Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups

Yes, It’s Lonely at the Top - But I Eat a Lot Better Than You

I Chose the Road Less Traveled - Now Where in the World Am I?

The Weather Is Here - Wish You Were Beautiful!

And You’re Telling Me This Because…

Don’t Make Me Put My Hand on My Hip

I Can Fix Anything - Where’s the Duct Tape?

I’m Only Wearing Black Until They Find Something Darker

My Cat Kneads Me

Dad Knows a Lot, But Grandpa Knows EVERYTHING!

I’m Dressed and Out of Bed - What More Do You Want?

You’re Just Jealous Because the Little Voices Are Talking to Me

Now I Know Why Some Animals Eat Their Young!

You Non-Conformists Are All Alike

If All the World’s a Stage, I Want Better Lighting

Our Lady of Perpetual Mood Swings

Below is a t-shirt slogan that I wanted to display larger so that the detail is more visible.

I never quite know what to wear when an invitation to an event calls for “dressy casual.” This t-shirt seems to be just the thing for such an occasion….

Our daughter Nora loves t-shirts. Here’s a picture of her and her friend Beth in front of their world view classroom map of Europe. They have t-shirts to go with the theme. (For any readers who don’t know her, Nora’s the one on the right.)

If you’d like to read more t-shirt slogans, you can find them on my pre-blog archives at http://ivman.com/tshirts.html

Have you seen any great t-shirt slogans lately? Please add a comment and tell us what you saw.

quotation…

“Today we worship the earth and deny its Creator exists.” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow!

Tags: art, one-liners, t-shirts

Here in South Carolina we are definitely in the dog days of summer. It’s warm for sure, but not as hot as you’d think it would be in the midst of global warming. How about where you live? Those reading this in the Southern Hemisphere might be longing for some warm summer days. I’ve put a new poll up in the sidebar about favorite activities on hot summer days.

Over lunch this past Sunday someone mentioned having seen a man who looked remarkably like his Saint Bernard. It struck me as funny, especially since someone recently commented on my dog/owner look-alikes page. Have you ever noticed how many people end up with dogs that resemble them?

Here are some pictures from my files of children who look remarkably like their family dog. I suspect that the photographers did a lot of staging for these pictures, but they’re cute nonetheless.

Hope that those of you in this hemisphere have a nice summer weekend, and happy dog and people watching!

quotation…

“Letting your life be an Alleluia is going to cost you a lot.” - Ted Allston

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Rob

Did you know that in 1850, the first all white Dalmatian dog was spotted?

Tags: children, dogs, funny pix

Although it’s already July 15 in France at the time I’m posting this in the USA, the French spent the 14th celebrating Bastille Day. It was fun to hear from several of my students today who wanted to wish me a Happy Bastille Day. My wife and I have actually been in France several times on the 14th of July and have seen the parade in Paris, jets overhead trailing blue, white, and red smoke, and in the evening fireworks in the distance. If they’re anything, the French are creative in their celebrations!

In honor of the day, I’m posting something vaguely reminiscent of French. Do you ever feel as if you’ve heard the expression déjà vu before? It’s the illusion of having previously experienced a situation that is happening now.

For you francophones out there, if you feel as if you’ve read the following before, that would be déjà lu.

When I feel as if I’ve…

…milked this cow before - déjà moo

…seen this strange animal before - déjà gnu

…smelled this bad odor before - déjà phew

…visited this menagerie before - déjà zoo

…scared this person away before - déjà … BOO!

…read this mystery book before - déjà clue

…been in this courtroom before - déjà sue

…felt this bad before - déjà rue

…felt this sad before - déjà blue

…expanded this way before - déjà grew

…seen this slime before - déjà goo

…learned this stuff before - déjà knew

…waited in line before - déjà queue

…eaten this dinner before - déjà stew

…pursued this person before - déjà woo

…had this feeling of déjà vu before - déjà too

…seen these twins before - déjà two

…been on this airplane before - déjà flew

…came up with this innovation before - déjà new

…fed these pigeons before - déjà coo

…sketched this portrait before - déjà drew

…been in this Starbucks before - déjà brew

…ended this relationship before - déjà through

…felt this ill before - déjà flu

…sheared this sheep before - déjà ewe

…munched on this gum ball before - déjà chew

…lost its match under the same bed before - déjà shoe

…exposed the real facts before - déjà true

…sat through this sermon before - déjà pew

…played in this wet grass before - déjà dew

…admired this scenery before - déjà ooooo…

…forgotten this person’s name before - déjà who?

Do any of you have an actual déjà vu experience you’d like to share?

***
I’ve put up a new poll in the sidebar about my blog itself.

quotation…

“Hope attaches itself to the future and is the certainty of what will be.” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Tags: France, holidays, language, puns

What age would you be if you could choose? Is there a perfect age? Small children want to keep being bigger and older, teens want to be in their early 20s, and on and on it goes. Some older people yearn for days when they were more agile and carefree.

At my stage of life, I can see that every age has its advantages and disadvantages. Something inside me still recoils when I’m offered a “senior discount” - it’s like … can that person really think I’m that old?! And yet who would doubt that I’m enjoying being a grandfather?

I experienced one of the downsides today when my eye doctor told me that I have the beginning of a cataract in my right eye. He said I’m young to have this, but it’s there. Someone please name another advantage for me … quick!

My wife forwarded an e-mail to me yesterday with several funny perspectives on aging. I’ll start off with a picture too scarily similar to the sign on the right above. Apparently this man was the “poster child” for the sign.

Here’s a comic strip that was in the e-mail.

One of the pictures was a pie chart of a senior citizen’s time usage.

Not all older folks are slow-moving geezers though, as attested by this sign.

But older folks do need to be careful in their activities not to injure themselves. Here’s an exemplary senior biker, the picture of health with his helmet.

Young folks need to be careful from their youth to avoid some problems in their “golden years.”

Someone please pass me the sunscreen….

As I said earlier, an upside to this stage of life is being a grandparent. Here are a couple of pictures of our grandson Drew on the 4th of July - our little flag waver and watching the fireworks with Grandma.

Here’s how he looked one year ago at the fireworks.

Ah! The upsides and downsides of being Drew’s age! So I ask again - what age would you be if you could choose? What is the perfect age to be?

new poll…

One of my readers (a history teacher) suggested a poll question for me - Which of these activities will be part of your 14th of July (Bastille Day) celebration? with several suggested activities - storming a prison, guillotining someone, etc. I laughed and immediately dismissed the idea. I do have a new poll question up, though, about what kind of phone you use.

quotation…

“Grace trumps sin every time.” - J.D. Crowley

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Rob

If we’d stop trying to be happy we would probably enjoy life more.

Tags: aging, children, senior citizens, signs, wellness

I know I just posted last evening, but since I’m home convalescing (I came back from vacation with a bad cold), I’m getting lots of little things done that don’t require much effort and that keep me from spreading the nasty bug. One of those little jobs was calling AT&T to ditch our land line. We found out we could still have their Internet (DSL Direct) without having to pay for a land line phone! How cool is that?!

If you normally call us at our home and need our Verizon cell phone numbers, you can contact me through the contact tab at the top of the page. I’ve let BJU and our church know our new numbers also.

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Here’s a little humor about cell phones…

There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone lying on one of the benches begins to ring. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

“Hello?”

“Honey, It’s me. Are you at the club?”

“Yes.”

“Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat… It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?”

“What’s the price?”

“Only $1,500.”

“Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much…”

“Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

“What price did he quote you?”

“Only $60,000…”

“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

“Great! Before we hang up, something else…”

“What?”

“It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”

“How much are they asking?”

“Only $450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover….”

“Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?”

“OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

“Bye… I do too.”

The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present, “Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

***
quotation…

“I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.” - Ronald Reagan

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Rob

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

Tags: cell phones, pranks