During much of my adult life I enjoyed reading and hearing about politics. I've always voted since first becoming old enough to do so. Yet as important as this aspect of responsible citizenship is, I've known all along that politicians are not the answer to the problems of society. In recent years the political scene, especially on the national level, has left me increasingly disenchanted.
I usually stay away from political things in my iv's because it's a realm of life where people hold very strong personal views, and ivman.com is about a break from stress and tension rather than being another cause of stress and tension. 😎
However, several things lately have me more sick-to-death than ever of most things political! Is anyone else out there sick of the politicizing of this war, with little or no regard for what's best for our country or our military personnel in harm's way?! It seems that for some, power and advancement of an agenda far outweigh what is right and prudent! Also, is anyone else out there already sick of the 2008 presidential campaign?! Give us a break already!!! Starting the whole thing up over a year before the first primary! Good grief! I keep hoping that everyone will be so sick of all the candidates with hats currently in the ring that by the time the primaries actually roll around, these candidates will be off the scene and the voters will finally be presented with some real candidates worth voting for!!!
Because of my frustration, I'd like to poke fun at it all - and then some! I think enough "sacred cows" are lampooned in today's iv that everyone should be amused through most of it.
Anyway, off those soapboxes and on to the iv....
TWO COWS - A Bovine Guide to Political, Corporate, and Societal Theory
Here are some philosophical insights based on COWS, with no hoof left un-stepped-on...
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government seizes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". Or if you already have two cows, the government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
REPUBLICANS: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
DEMOCRATS: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow, and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
LIBERTARIANS: You have two cows. You let them do what they want. You tell everyone else to go away. What you do with *your* cows is no one else's business!
UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains.
REDISTRIBUTIONISM: You have two cows. Everyone should have the same amount of cow. The government takes both cows, cuts them up, and spends more than the cows are worth giving everyone a small portion of cow.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
some corporate and personal philosophies...
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead and hire a consultant to analyze why.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION: You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you're not sure where they are. You'll look for them tomorrow.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have two cows. Somebody else has 5,000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge them for storing their 5000 cows with yours.
some off-center societal movements...
ARISTOCRATISM: You have two cows. You sell both and buy one really big cow - with a pedigree.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them and fines you for the methane gas they emit.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. You don't need a bull - just adopt a calf.
IDEALISM: You have two cows. You get married, and your spouse milks them.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender....
POP CULTURE: Whoa, dude, there's, like...these two cows, man. You gotta have some of this milk, ya know?
SOCRATIC METHODISM: How many cows do I have? Why?
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
All is well here at our house. The weeks between Bible Conference and graduation always fly by, and this first week has been no exception to that! Megan and Drew are doing well, but since he's not been sleeping well during the night, he has two tired parents. Mark and Katie are going up to see them all this weekend. Grandma and I wish we could be stowaways....
This coming week is the annual Living Gallery on campus. We are looking forward to seeing the presentation which has become a part of our Easter celebration here.
"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan
Sacred cows often make the best hamburgers!
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