ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Posts from ‘April, 2007’

Mom Said What?!


With this blog post I'm getting a little jump on Mother's Day coming up at the end of next week here in the USA. Quite a while back I received a list of things that you'd never hear a mom say to her children. It had such potential that I put the sharp wits of the Loach family to work on giving me a few more of their own. We had a lot of fun with this, and I'm sure that once you get to reading them, you too will come up with some of your own.

Things you'll probably never hear a mom say...

"Don't bother putting those toys away. You'll want to play with them again tomorrow."

"If you're good, for your birthday I'll buy you a motorcycle!"

"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

"Let me smell that shirt.... Aw, it's good for another week."

"Why don't you try wearing your hair down in your eyes?"

"I don't mind your running in and out, but please remember to slam the door each time."

"Yeah, I used to skip school too."

"Please put on a little more makeup."

"Oh good! Another stray animal. Of course, you may keep it."

"Would you please turn that up louder?"

"You're going to bed already? It's way too early."

"Don't bother to clean your room. You cleaned it just last week!"

"Where are you going dressed so appropriately?"

"Go back in there and fight with your sister right now!"

"Practice, practice, practice! All you ever do is practice the piano!"

"Why don't you and your friends play baseball in our living room today?"

"Stay in bed a little longer. You'll make it to school on time."

"Don't eat those vegetables! Have this candy instead."

"Stop closing that door! I'm trying to attract flies into the kitchen!"

"You're doing homework again? You study too much."

"Get back out there and play in the middle of the street."

"Don't bother with those dishes. I'll take care of them later."

"Run and bring me the scissors! Hurry!"

"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's okay, that's good enough for me."

"I don't have a Kleenex with me. Just use your sleeve."

divider

We're in the throes of final exams here, with university graduation this Saturday. It's an exciting and sad time of year for me. I always look forward to the change of activity, pace, and focus that the summer break brings, but it's also hard to say good-bye to yet another group of my students. It's hard to believe that this is the end of my 34th year of teaching. I can't imagine how many students I've taught and known through those years!

quotation...

"Our children are the living messages we send into a time we shall not see." - Art Linkletter

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Signs Your SUV Is Too Big


I received something by email this week that I'd never seen before and knew immediately that it would be my next blog post. I hasten to say that I do not share the sentiments of those who think the SUV is an evil enemy that is going to destroy life as we know it. That said, I do see the humor in the following. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

Signs Your SUV Is Too Big

The last time you took your kids to a Monster Truck pull the parking attendants directed you right onto the stadium racetrack.

When you replaced your tires, Goodyear stock went up five dollars a share for the quarter.

Your garage is larger than your house.

One of those "Oversize Load" escort trucks has to precede you down the interstate.

Your kids refer to riding the bus to school as "downsizing."

Before you go out, you have to file for a parade permit.

You're the first one in your neighborhood to own a 2004 Halliburton-Rolling House S-Class twin-turbo.

It has its own gravitational field and has drawn a Geo Metro into orbit.

There are two successful Starbucks franchises located in the back.

It doubles as a carport for your Taurus.

It's great for soccer moms, since the back seat folds down into an entire field, complete with goals.

You need a Sherpa and an oxygen tank to reach the driver's seat.

Your buddy riding shotgun is in a different time zone.

Mortgage payment = $2200. Texaco card payment = $2201.

You get a letter from Hans Blix demanding that it be dismantled immediately because it qualifies as a WMD.

The fuel gauge doubles as a fan.

divider

Today is the last day of classes, with exams beginning tomorrow. I just graded the last of the term papers for my 17th Century French Lit class. Phew!

quotation

"God uses the willing." - Mark Cover

=^..^= =^..^=

Rob

Liberal's Disease: running out of other people's money


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Prison vs. Work


Many thanks to those who pray for Drew, and even more thanks to the One who answers prayer. Drew went for a check up today, and he's gained 9 ounces in the past week! So things are definitely going in the right direction now. That little 5 lb. 8 oz. magnet has such a strong pull that two weeks from now I'll be posting a blog entry from his parents' house, the dust having settled from graduation on May 5th.

This past Saturday our neighbor Brian and I spent the better part of the day loading and unloading free rocks (two truckloads full) from a construction site (with the construction company's blessings, of course) and rebuilding parts of the drainage ditch that runs between our properties. It was a ton of work (at least a ton, literally!), but the ditch looks much better now! We're eager for the next heavy rainfall to see how the water runs through it! Below are several pictures of my truck and the ditch with the new rocks in place.

one of the truckloads of rocks...

the drainage ditch towards our house...

the drainage ditch towards Brian's house...

Brian and I joked about how we seem to be prisoners to the ditch, and like prisoners, we seem to be working on a rock pile. Brian's a young dentist, and I'm a not-so-young French teacher. So did we spent our weekend relaxing from work? This all reminded me of something in my files that compares and contrasts prison and work.

Prison vs Work

In prison, you spend a majority of time in an 8x10 cell.
At work you spend most of your time in an 8x10 cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you get a break for one meal, and you have to pay for that one.

In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

At work you must carry a security card to unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

In prison you get your own toilet.
At work you have to share.

In prison they let your family and friends come and visit.
At work you're not even supposed to speak to your family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary, partially to help pay for prisoners.

In prison there are sadistic wardens.
At work you have managers.

At work you can go to your own home at the end of the day where you're free to do what you want.
In prison you stay put, with others making almost all your decisions for you.

At work if you decide you change jobs, you give your two weeks notice and then move on.
In prison *they* tell *you* when you can finally leave.

This is Rob again...
I'll still opt for work, thanks! ๐Ÿ˜Ž

quotation...

"'Give us this day our daily bread' is asking Him to provide for our need, not our greed." - Dr. Stephen Jones

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Should Superman wear a Jack Bauer shirt? (talk about all in a "day's" work!)

Enough frivolity ... back to work!!! ๐Ÿ˜Ž


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Apologies and Scars


There is a rather strange attitude today that we can do and say horrible things, and it will/should all be okay if we just apologize, no matter how lamely. Most "apologies" today go something like this, "I'm sorry if you were offended by what I said/did." There's generally no mention of the wrongness of what was said or done. There's no acknowledgement of wrongdoing and no request for forgiveness. Basically, the so-called (lame) apologies throw the blame on the person offended for taking offense in the first place. And the offended party is expected to accept the lame apology, which really amounts to blame-shifting rather than shame-acknowledgement. As I said, there's a strange attitude out there about apologies. We've heard some in recent years and even recent days from well-known people that are about that bad.

I recently ran across something in my files that reminded me of that aspect of our society and also of an old sermon on film by Dr. Bob Jones Sr. I pass it along for your consideration.

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he had to hammer a nail into the back of the fence. By the end of the first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, son, but look at the many holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a person and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the scar from the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as, if not worse than, a physical one."

divider

One more week of classes, then exams and the end of semester activities. I always say during our in-service week each fall, "Well, graduation is right around the corner." And sure 'nuff, here it is already! Life is truly a vapor!

We received some more recent photos, and I'm sharing several with you.

Megan with Drew in his carrier...

picture of Drew happy in his carrier

How Drew has to sit "side-saddle" for now...

picture of Drew riding side-saddle

quotation...

"Personal devotion is not about getting something from God, but giving something to God." - Dr. Gary Reimers

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Punny Beauty Salon Names


picture of beautification

A few weeks ago, I mentioned our seeing a beauty salon with a funny name while driving through rural North Carolina and asked for other humorous names people had seen for places of beautification. Here's the list in the order in which I received them (minus a few that I would not post):

Million Hair

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

A reader named Anita has a salon yet to be named. Her punny sister thinks it would be just hysterical to call it "Anita Haircut" (I-need-a haircut) Her husband had a different take on it - "Anita Style."

Mane Attraction

Shear Pleasure

Head Hunters

Head Quarters (do they charge only 25 cents?!)

Here's an idea for the name of a hair salon that shares rental space with a dog groomer - Beauty and the Beast

Tangles Salon

3 Designing Women

Curl Up and Dye (in Edmonton, AB, and several other places)

Rock Star Hair - Hmm, I would be hesitant about that one!

The Mane Event

Hairs R US

Hot Headz

Helmet Hairworks

Samson's Locks

Mountain Do's

90% Salon and Spa

Scissor Wizard

Mop Shop Hair Salon

Bombshell Salon

Nogginz

Scissor Happy (might leave with no hair left!?)

If you'd like to add other salon names through the comments, just look for the comment link at the end of this blog post.

divider

some personal updates...

The taxes are done and ready to mail today. Phew! That's one dreaded chore I don't have to feel bad about putting off for another 362 days or so....

My wife and I are finally entering this century technologically - we've ordered a laptop with XP! With a grandson 700 miles away, we've asked his mom to send pictures as often as possible. Our old hand-me-up desktop computer with Windows 98SE and a dial-up modem from our son Mark has been great, but we've been sensing the need for something faster. Now we need to decide soon what to do about faster internet - BellSouth DSL, a Verizon wireless internet card, satellite, other? The only option for cable here is Charter, and we've heard enough friends complain about their customer (dis)service that we'll not opt for that. Any words of wisdom, particularly from but not limited to any of you in the Greenville area?

Our grandson Drew went to see his pediatrician yesterday. He has grown 1.5 inches in length, but the doctor is concerned that he's not gaining as much as he should. He's up to 4 lbs. 15 oz - almost a 5-pound bag of sugar now! ๐Ÿ˜Ž But in the past two weeks he's gained only 7 oz. He should be gaining that amount in one week's time at this stage of his development. (Apparently he's going to be tall and thin like his maternal grandfather.... Actually, the man in question is short and dumpy.)

The doctor made several suggestions and has scheduled him to return next Monday. I'll keep you posted. Thanks to all who've been praying for him. Please continue. We have no new pictures as of now, but maybe by the end of the week....

quotation...

"Stop pretending you've got it all together when you don't." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Page 1 of 212