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Posts from ‘September, 2008’

New Survivor Series


a cartoon about reality TV
Are you a fan of "reality TV" and so-called reality shows? I have viewed very little of them because many of them don't seem to be reality in my way of thinking. Take Fear Factor, for example. I could never figure out how getting people to do something they would never consider doing on their own - like eating horrific bugs or suspending themselves over a deep precipice - is "reality." Maybe some of my readers coud enlighten me on what I seem to be missing here.

Recently I received an e-mail with a great idea for a new Survivor series that I thought had some possibilities. See what you think.

new Survivor series

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment, and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will have access to television only when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed. He must also work out daily and ensure that his body looks like it did when he was twenty.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, "You're not the boss of me".

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man left on the island wins, and he gets to play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right to be called Mom!

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quotation...

"The fact is that we pray about what we care about most. If your prayer isn't God-focused it's because your life isn't God-focused." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Just remember, no matter where you go, there you are.


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The Blame Game


picture of hands of elderly couple
An elderly man was struck by a car as he was walking across the road. The impact to his head caused him to be comatose for two days before finally regaining consciousness. When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him. He held her hand and said meaningfully, "Edna, no matter what, you have always been by my side. When I was a struggling university student, I failed again and again. You were always there beside me, encouraging me to keep on trying."

Edna squeezed his hands as he continued. "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out yet more job ads for me to pursue." He continued, "Then I started to work at a little firm where I finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And there you were, beside me. Then after being laid off for a long time, I finally got another job, but I was never promoted and my hard work was not recognized. Therefore, I've remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now. And through it all, you've been there beside me." Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband.

"And now I've had an accident and almost died, and when I woke up, there you were, right beside me. There's something I'd really like to say to you after all these years." Sobbing with emotion, she was ready to bask in his praise. Her husband proclaimed, "Edna, I think you really bring me bad luck!"

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While we might find that story humorous, it also reveals an aspect of our human nature that isn't so funny - our tendency to blame others for our failures and misdeeds. Edna's husband was blaming his poor, faithful wife for his own ineptitude and failures. We inherited our uncanny ability to shift blame from Adam and Eve. I was just reading in the book of Genesis the other day and noticed in Genesis 3:11-13 that after God asked, "Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" Adam replied "The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate." Then when God questioned Eve about this, she answered, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."

We all have descended from these two people who immediately after the original sin started to blame others for what they had done. In blaming Eve for his disobedience to God's simple, clear command, Adam implied that ultimately it was God's fault since He had given him Eve. Then Eve blamed the serpent. And the blame game has been played now for millennia with no signs of going out of vogue as other fads in games come and go.

It's been fascinating to watch the blame game being played out on a national scale with our current economic debacle. Just this morning I ran across an excellent article by Chris Bixby, a former student of mine, who has explained things simply enough for even me to understand. After explaining how we got to this point, he talks about the blame game going on and draws some apt conclusions and applications. If you'd like to read his article, The Anatomy of a Bailout, click here.

I'm interested in any comments my readers might have about the current economic situation or the blame game.

quotation...

"The sins of our land are really our own sins." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

A person who can smile when things go wrong has maybe just thought of someone to blame it on.


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Restroom Trip Policy


picture of restroom problem

As much as it is supposed to simplify our lives, technology seems to make them more complicated as more is expected of us and controls us far more than it frees us. Today's blog post highlights an area of control that most of us never thought we would have to face in the workplace! Here's a note to employees that you would hate to receive from the personnel office:

Re: Restroom Trip Policy

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restrooms under informal guidelines. Effective Oct. 6, 2008, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time, thereby ensuring equal treatment to all employees. Until all necessary equipment is finally put in place on October 6, adherence to the new RTP will be on the honor system.

Under the new RTP, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month employees will be given twenty (20) Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.

In the next two weeks the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations, computer-linked voice print recognition devices, and all the other equipment described below. Before the effective date of the new RTP, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to Human Resources. The voice print recognition stations will be optional and not restrictive for this month. Please acquaint yourself with the stations during that period.

Once that equipment is in place and it's possible to monitor the restrooms electronically, if the employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first working day of the following month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is being occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm tone will sound throughout each building's intercom. Immediately afterward our new advanced voice synthesis system will announce the name of the delinquent employee and his or her department. Ten seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will spring open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board in the respective departments and on our intranet home page. Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this new RTP, please contact HR. They have all received advanced instructions.

We know you will want to co-operate so that this new policy can be expedited smoothly.

Human Resources,
Employee Benefits

BUM:mer

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Aren't you glad that the preceding is totally made up? But isn't it scary that it's true enough to life to be almost believable?!

The memorial service for my friend Paul Long was at 10:00 a.m. today. His siblings - two sisters and a brother - and several nephews were able to make the cross-country trip to be with Paul's wife and son. You can read several nice tributes - the first an article about him and his family and the second a tribute his school put out on their website about Paul - by clicking here and here.

Back to the topic of today's blog post... I'd love to your comments about how technology has changed your life, both for better and for worse.

quotation...

"Technology has just enabled us to commit the same old sins in a more hi-tech fashion." - Dr. Bob Jones Jr.

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.


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Biblical Headlines


Is there a liberal bias in today's mainstream media (MSM) in America? I have firmly believed for a long time that our nation's mainstream media is slanted to the left, but in recent months their liberal bias is undeniable by any honest person.

If there had been TV news and newspapers in Bible times, one would need very little imagination to come up with what would have been some of their headlines if they'd been written by the likes of today's MSM with their propensity for distortion, spin, and sensationalistic hype, using emotionally-charged words.

If Biblical headlines were written by today's liberal media...

On Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

On David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed

On the birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:
LAY PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
Faith Healer Preys on Terminally Ill

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer Faces Bankruptcy After Loss of Pigs

On raising Lazarus from the dead:
ITINERANT PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Heirs Upset as Reading of Will Delayed

(from another news outlet)
On raising Lazarus from the dead:
SOCIAL SECURITY PAYMENTS WITHHELD
FBI Investigates Suspected Identity Theft

On the miracle at the wedding in Cana
VISITING PREACHER ACCUSED OF MOONSHINING
Police Unable to Locate Still

I know some people for whom "if it's in print, it must be true." Here's a picture of one of the all-time classic headline bloopers.

a picture of Truman with headline

In recent weeks especially, the media's handling of Sarah Palin has caused many more people to see this issue more clearly. Here at ivman's blague we like to provide a bit of balance. During World War II and beyond, Rosie the Riveter has been a cultural icon, recognizing the essential role of women in the war effort. Here's the readily recognized picture of Rosie:

picture of Rosie the Riveter

Every since John McCain's announcement and presentation of his running mate, Sarah Palin, the media's attention and intense scrutiny has been riveted on Palin. This past week someone sent me a great rework of the classic poster of Rosie to highlight a new cultural icon...

a picture of Sarah the riveter

Listen to and read very carefully the MSM's coverage of Sarah Palin. Their absolute hatred of this woman is so thinly veiled that you can see it pulsing and writhing below the surface.

Here's a great Kevin Tuma cartoon I've had in my files for a long time. It clearly shows the tenets of the "faith" of today's liberals.

cartoon about liberal faith

Do you see any of those things coming through in today's "news reporting?"

If your sole news sources are the mainstream media, I strongly suggest that you check out some other news sources to see a different angle on what you're hearing or, even more, to read news that the MSM purposely chooses not to report. The latter is very telling - it's the news you're not being allowed to hear by the MSM. Who knows what you might think if you heard it?!

Here are a few links to alternative news sources:

NewsMax.com

WorldNetDaily.com

CNSNews.com

The DrudgeReport

I'll end this post with something about which it's impossible for me personally to be unbiased - our grandson Drew. Our daughter Nora is up at Meg and Jim's all this week. Here are a couple of pictures she posted on her Facebook. As he ate some ice cream, Drew said one of his new favorite words - NICE (which he pronounces "ni").

picture of Drew with ice cream on face

picture of Drew with ice cream on face

quotation...

"Belief affects behavior, and behavior reflects belief." - Dr. M. Bruce McAllister

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Make headlines ... use a corduroy pillow.


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Real Teachers


picture of teacher's stuff

We've all had a teacher at some time in our lives about whom we would say, "Now that is a real teacher!" Here's a list of some of the attributes of "real teachers."

Real Teachers

Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, and actually just about anywhere and everywhere.

Real teachers cheer when they hear April 1 does not fall on a school day.

Real teachers drive older cars owned by credit unions.

Real teachers clutch a pencil while thinking and make notes in the margins of books.

Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of children without trying to straighten up the line.

Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.

Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning their backs on the class.

Real teachers have been timed gulping down a full lunch in 2 minutes, 18 seconds. Master teachers are rumored to eat even faster.

Real teachers believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium "salt lick".

Real teachers want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."

Real teachers can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

Real teachers have no life between the end of August and the beginning of June.

Real teachers believe no one should be permitted to have babies without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.

Real teachers can't decide whether to have children because there's no name they could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment it is uttered.

Real teachers think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

Real teachers know that meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"

Real teachers know the shortest distance and the travel time from their classrooms to the office.

Real teachers can "sense" gum.

Real teachers know the difference among what must be graded, what ought to be graded, and what probably should never again see the light of day.

Real teachers have their best conferences in the parking lot.

Real teachers have never heard an original excuse.

Real teachers are written up in medical journals for size and elasticity of kidneys and bladders.

Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk quantity at Sam's Club and Costco.

Real teachers will eat anything that is put in the teacher's lounge.

Real teachers know the assistant principal's and counselor's home phone numbers by heart.

Real teachers know that the secretaries and custodians really run the school.

Real teachers hear the heartbeats of a crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are absolutely non-expendable.

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A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.

On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found he had been assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible since it was a hot day and the school was up north where they don't need air conditioning. (!) After opening the window, he busied himself with work at his desk.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Discipline was not a problem after that day!

Now that is a REAL TEACHER!

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It sounds like Paul Long who died as a result of the train crash this past weekend was a real teacher. You can read the memories and comments that many are posting about him on a page dedicated to Paul on the LA Times online.

If you have known a "real teacher" during your life please feel free to post a tribute to that teacher in the comments to this post.

quotation...

"The wise teacher knows that fifty-five minutes of work plus five minutes of laughter are worth twice as much as sixty minutes of unvaried work." - Gilbert Highet

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first thing in the morning and says, "Today is Nerd Day at school, Dad. Can I borrow some of your clothes?"


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