I'll begin by saying that we have several family friends who are lawyers and whom we appreciate very much. It's too bad some of their colleagues cannot be as nice and honest as our friends are. One of the reasons I decided to do this post is the recent case in NYC where a former Guantanamo detainee was acquitted in a civilian court of 284 of the 285 charges against him! And his lawyer plans to appeal the one charge for which his client was found guilty! To me that's probably as much an indictment on the jury as on the lawyer, and this whole scenario is outrageous. Jury jokes are not as plentiful as lawyer jokes, but I have several that poke fun at juries as well as at lawyers.
Now to the humor....
A trial was scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers.
The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. The trial went very quickly — after only an hour of testimony and very short closing arguments, both sides rested. The jury was then instructed by the judge and was sent to the jury room to deliberate.
After nearly six hours, the judge was concerned that the jury had not yet returned with a verdict. The case had in fact turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room to see if they needed anything.
When the bailiff returned, the judge asked, "Are they close to reaching a verdict?" The bailiff shook his head, and replied, "Your Honor, they're still doing nomination speeches for the position of foreman."
An important and very well publicized trial was soon to begin. In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place.
One prospective juror was called for his question session. He was asked, "Property holder?"
He replied, "Yes, I am, Your Honor."
Then he was asked, "Married or single?"
He responded, "Married for twenty years, Your Honor."
Then the judge asked, "Formed or expressed an opinion?"
He stated with certainty, "Not in twenty years, Your Honor."
Two friends were having lunch one afternoon and one said to the other, "I just don't understand, as soon as anybody finds out I'm a lawyer, they take an instant disliking to me."
Her friend replied, "Maybe they figure it just saves time."
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