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Posts from ‘September, 2011’

Jokes on Health and Aging


picture of healthy aging book

Since I will be passing a major milestone at the end of this week (I will turn 60 on Friday), I thought I'd post some jokes I've accumulated on aging. Also I had a bit of a health scare recently. Though I'm still consulting physicians about things, it seems that the symptoms I've been experiencing are caused by a mineral deficiency rather than something more serious. Therefore since I'm thinking not just about aging at this time, I'll add to today's mix some humor on health also. I especially appreciated several of today's jokes and hope you get a laugh or two also. Here goes!

A young man called his Jewish mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"

"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."

The son said, "Why are you so weak?"

She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."

The son said, "That's terrible, Mom. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"

"Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

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It was on the day we attended a relative's wedding that I realized my five-year-old grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows.

As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the church, he turned to me and asked, "Is this where the groom decides which one he wants to marry?

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A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments: "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy."

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old."

"Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!"
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Why Wear a Plain T-Shirt?


picture of plain t-shirt

With the official end of fall later this week, I thought I'd post something that would be a farewell to summer. With the hot weather of summer, one of people's favorite things to wear out and about is t-shirts. And with t-shirts come some great t-shirt sayings!

Here are some more humorous things you could wear on a t-shirt wear instead of sporting just a plain one.

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

I recycle — I wore this shirt yesterday

What part of Eelymosynary Ratiocination do you not understand?

Voted class of 2057's most likely to travel back in time

I wish the buck stopped here — I could use a few

I cannot be cloned without the express written permission of Major League Baseball

I'm donating my body to science fiction

(seen on a 3-year-old) My mom calls me No! No! But my grandma calls Me Sweetie
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What Young Things Don’t Know…


picture of yodeling

Some of the most bizarre stuff comes my way from people who read my blog. I'm not sure what exactly to think of that sometimes, but it definitely keeps life interesting. I recently learned about a website where you can learn to yodel. That may be just the thing some of you were looking for and didn't know existed! I have not explored the site much at all, but let me know if you find it helpful....

One of my father-in-law's favorite songs was Cattle Call by Eddy Arnold. It contained some great yodeling. Here's a little sound clip of Cattle Call.

picture of Americana

Each year when I'm gearing up for a new school year, I visit the beloit.edu site to see what the frame of reference of this year's freshmen will be.

From Beloit's long list, here are some of my favorite bits of information about this year's freshmen:

States and Velcro parents have always been requiring that they wear their bike helmets.

The only significant labor disputes in their lifetimes have been in major league sports.

There have nearly always been at least two women on the Supreme Court, and women have always commanded U.S. Navy ships.

American tax forms have always been available in Spanish.

Amazon has never been just a river in South America.
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To Call 9-1-1 or Not to Call 9-1-1


picture of call 911

In the wake of the the shock and disbelief from what had just transpired in the USA on September 11, 2001, my heavy heart found great comfort in Psalm 91:1 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty." The 91:1 of that reference and the date 9/11 made me think of something I had in my files about the emergency number 9-1-1. The day after those horrible events, I sent what I'm posting today, and people found it encouraging. As we approach the tenth anniversary of 9/11 this Sunday, I thought it would be good to read this again. Calling 9-1-1 is not the best option in some situations....

Emergency Numbers

(These emergency numbers may be dialed directly. No operator assistance is necessary.)

When in sorrow, call John 14.

When people fail you, call Psalm 27.

If you want to be fruitful, call John 15.

When you have sinned, call Psalm 51.

When you worry, call Matthew 6:19-34.

When you are in danger, call Psalm 91.

When God seems far away, call Psalm 139.
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