ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Posts from ‘October, 2013’

Hair Care Challenges

Keep Calm Fix Your Hair

Last Thursday Becka had something happen at home that was a new one for us, and she blogged about it in a unique manner. In retrospect it was quite funny, though it was harder to laugh about it at the time. If you don't check out her post, you'll miss a funny story. I'll just update it by saying that through efforts mostly his own, Buddy is almost back to normal again. Cats are so good at taking care of most of their own hair care challenges.

A while back I read a fun piece called How to Shampoo in French — A reference guide, by Con Chapman. Here's the first part of it:

Forget Iraq, Derrida, and Jerry Lewis. It's time to turn our attention to the principal remaining obstacle to Franco-American understanding: French shampoo labels.

You know what I'm talking about. You're in the shower at a beach or ski house, someone is knocking on the door for his or her turn, and you find that your hostess, worldly sophisticate that she is, has stocked the bathroom with hair-care products from the nation that thinks snails are snacks.

When told to Moussez, nettoyez et répétez, l’un quel est pour faire? (What is one to do?)

You, dear reader, are in luck. The author took two years of French in high school, and most of a semester in college. What follows is a handy reference guide that, if properly laminated, you can take into the shower with you to avoid using the conditioner before the shampoo and spending the rest of your getaway weekend looking like your hair was flattened down with walrus fat. Commençons (Let us begin) our deconstruction of la bouteille typique de shampooing (the typical shampoo bottle)....

Click here to continue reading this post ⇒

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook


This week's post consists of three jokes, each one slightly longer than the previous, but none of them long. Enjoy!

A guy took his airhead girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially all those players with big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like ... Hellooooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!"


A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish life-style went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. "Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!"

The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, "Ah, Mozart. You're so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island."

There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, "We're leaving right now. Get your coat and let's get our of here."

As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. "You're angry about something."

"Oh really? You noticed?" he sneered. "I've never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Coney Island? Don't you know the No. 5 bus doesn't go to Coney Island?!"
Click here to continue reading this post ⇒

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Funny One-liners

Why do I end each blog post with a funny one-liner? It's a throwback to the days when my iv mailing was all done by e-mail, I would add a "sig line" (signature line) to the end of each e-mail after I signed off. I've been collecting one-liners for a while and thought it would be fun to do a whole blog post of (mostly) one-line bits of humor — basically a whole post of sig lines.

WARNING: Read this only if you are in a place where you are free to laugh out loud. Ok, you've been warned....

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was young.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

I would rather try to carry ten plastic grocery bags in each hand than to make two trips to bring in my groceries.

LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say."

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Marking the same letter three times or more in a row on a machine gradable test form is absolutely terrifying.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me. I will never again end a work email with the phrase "Regards."

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and then turn on the water.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
Click here to continue reading this post ⇒

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Smile Makers

Life is quite busy and full at the moment, and so I'm thankful for some funny pictures that have recently come my way. I think today's "instant vacation" — a baker's dozen of funny pix — should bring a smile to just about any face.

Most of these pictures need little or no explanation since almost all of them contain captions.

Hokey Pokey Clinic
Click here to continue reading this post ⇒

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Don’t You Love Express Lanes?!

Since I'm not much of a shopper, my trips to stores often find me with only several items in my hands or cart. If there's no self-checkout, I usually try to go through the express lane. But that often presents at least a few frustrations, as depicted so well in the following pie chart.

Express Lane Realities

I could add several more wedges to that pie, such as wanting to pay by check or credit card when the sign clearly states "cash only," wanting to leave their cart to run and grab another item quickly, and many more. What wedges would you add to that pie chart?

Since I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi, I still bristle at the verbiage on most express lane signs, as shown in the chart above — using the word "less" with a plural noun instead of using "fewer." Here's how several people have tried to remedy that situation.

Fewer Added

10 Items Or Fewer Cartoon

Several stores actually get it right, as seen in the signs below:
Click here to continue reading this post ⇒

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook