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Posts from ‘March, 2014’

Highbrow Humor


Eggs Over Easily

This past week a former student of mine who reads my blog sent me three text messages in fairly rapid succession. They each made me laugh out loud. The humor was definitely quite sophisticated, and I decided to round up some very short, yet very high-powered bits of humor. Don't feel bad if you don't get some of them ... I don't either.

The first three are the ones my friend sent me — the ones that got this blog post rolling.

People often accuse me of "stealing other people's jokes" and being a "plagiarist." Their words, not mine.

Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

I hate explaining puns to kleptomaniacs. They take things literally.

(Thanks JA for inspiring this post!)

Never trust atoms. They make up everything!

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

I'm addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

There are two types of people in the world — those who crave closure

There are two types of people in the world — those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets

There are only 10 kinds of people — those who understand binary and those who don't.

There are two rules for ultimate success in life — 1. Never tell everything you know.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

That woman is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.
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Reading


I Love Reading

Are you a person who enjoys reading? Our grandson Drew is a first grader who is becoming not only a good reader, but also one who enjoys reading. Our grandson Ryan who is not yet 3 years old is already learning to read! These boys definitely come from a long line of people who enjoy reading.

Below is a recent video clip of our grandson Ryan sounding out words as he learns to read. If you are reading the e-mail or blog post reader version of this, you will have to go to this post to view the flash video.

Amazing, huh?!

A Pew Research poll from two years ago reported the following reasons people gave for reading a book in the previous year:
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Yearbook Yourself


Do you ever look through old high school or college yearbooks and laugh at the hairstyles, glasss, or clothing? If you'd like to have a little fun with images, there's a website you need to explore — Jostens' Yearbook Yourself. You upload a picture of yourself, move it and resize it to fit in a little circle, choose male portrait or female portrait, and then select years across the bottom of the screen. You can see what you would have looked like in yearbooks every two years from 1950 to 2000. (WARNING: You may want to mute your computer since the site has loud, annoying music in the background.)

Here's what Becka would have looked like with the hairstyles and clothing of the various decades. (And yes, I am doing this with her blessing....) 🙂

Becka1952

Becka1964

Becka1974
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Old Jokes


anti-aging cream

Do any of you jokesters ever hear the complaint that you tell the same old jokes all the time? Sometimes it may be because the jokester is getting a little older. Other times it may be because the joke perfectly fits the situation. And still other times, it may just be because the joke happens to be among the jokester's favorites.

Somehow it seems like the perfect time for today's blog post to be a compilation of some of my favorite jokes about old age. And yes, some of them are ones I have already posted on my blog ... although several were posted over 5 years ago. I guess if my readers remember the jokes from that long ago, they must be worth retelling.

On to some old jokes about old folks....

On their way to their vacation destination, an elderly couple stopped at a service station. The attendant came out and said, "Hi! Fill it up?" to which the old man replied, "Yes, please."

His wife asked, "What did he say?" and her husband yelled, "HE ASKED IF WE WANTED HIM TO FILL IT UP."

To pass the time during the fill up, the friendly attendant asked, "Where ya goin'?" to which the husband replied, "We're going to spend our vacation at Hilton Head, in our son's condo."

His wife asked, "What did he say?" and her husband yelled, "HE ASKED WHERE WE WERE GOING. I TOLD HIM TO HILTON HEAD."

The attendant then said, "You're in luck - the weather there is supposed to be perfect for the next two weeks.

His wife asked, "What did he say?" and her husband yelled, "HE SAID THE WEATHER WILL BE NICE."

The attendant then asked the man, "Where do you live when you're not on vacation?" to which the husband replied, "We live in Richmond, VA." The attendant said with surprise, "I know a woman from Richmond. She talks non-stop and drives her husband crazy!"

His wife asked, "What did he say?" and her husband yelled, "HE SAYS HE THINKS HE'S MET YOU BEFORE!"

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Here are the top ten games at oldsters' birthday parties:

1. Sag - You're It!
2. Hide and Go Sleep
3. Hide and Go Seek Your Own Easter Eggs (a variation on the previous game)
4. 20 Questions Shouted into Your Good Ear
5. Kick the Bucket
6. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse says Bend Over
7. Spin the Bottle of Liniment
8. Musical Recliners
9. Simon Says Something Incoherent
10. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
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