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9 Rules


picture of the 9rules leaf

Yesterday 9rules posted the list of sites newly accepted into their network of blogs. To use the latest media buzzword, ivman's blague has been vetted! (For those who, like me, have been wondering what in the world that means, vet = to appraise, verify, or check for accuracy, authenticity, validity, etc.)

A while back I randomly found 9rules online and tried to figure out what exactly it was. Here’s what 9rules has to say about themselves — "9rules is a place where members and readers can connect, build relationships, and learn new things."

9rules started in 2003 with a set of 9 rules:

1. Love what you do.
2. Never stop learning.
3. Form works with function.
4. Simple is beautiful.
5. Work hard, play hard.
6. You get what you pay for.
7. When you talk, we listen.
8. Must constantly improve.
9. Respect your inspiration.

Since I knew I could abide by those rules, I clicked on the link β€œHow Do I Join” and submitted my blog for their review. And now my blog has been accepted into their community. I'm vetted! (I'm trying to use that word as often as the media is this week - particularly in connection with Sarah Palin, but I know I'm failing miserably, not wanting to use it in every other sentence…).

I'm truly amazed to be included in a group of blogs with, as the 9rules header puts it, "The best content from the independent web." One of the benefits to my blog is exposure to a very large audience. I'm pleased that more people will find out that my blog is a source for good, clean humor. Some of my readers may also find some blogs in the 9rules community that are of interest or use to them; however I hasten to add that there will certainly be some blogs that are not at all to their liking — caveat lector!

In honor of this momentous event, I am publishing "The Rules" - both the women's version and the men's version. I have boiled each of the lists down to just 9 rules. 😎

The Rules (from the female perspective)

1. The Female always makes The Rules. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification … by the Female.

2. No Male can possibly know all The Rules. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

3. The Female is never wrong. If it appears that the Female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong, for which the Male must immediately apologize.

4. The Female may change her mind at any time. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the Female.

5. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. The Male, however, must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

6. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know what's on her mind or whether she wants him to be angry or upset. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

7. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in undesirable consequences. (Uh-oh … I'm toast!)

8. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #3.

9. The Female always gets the last word. The Male may get the last word, only if it's "Yes, Dear."

The Rules (from the male perspective)

(You will notice that all The Rules are numbered "one" — they are all of equal importance.)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about your leaving it down.

1. Men = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Concerning communication: Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Ask for exactly what you want. Let's clarify that: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! Furthermore, "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. If we ask you what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We assume you're telling the truth. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. For example, if you think you're fat, you probably are. So don't ask us.

1. Concerning problems and projects: Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, it would be best for you to do it yourself.

1. Concerning what we say: Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Concerning what you wear: You have enough clothes and you have too many shoes. Most men own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we would be any good at choosing which pair, out of forty, would look good with your dress? When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Concerning how we see things: Men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what taupe is, let alone that there are shades of taupe! Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. Concerning what we do and don't do: If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. We do not remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar and remind us frequently beforehand. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. Crying is blackmail.

Now who said that we men are not communicators?! Look at the length of our Rules!

quotation...

"It's not just our prayers and our hymns that declare the glory of God, but it's also our work that declares His glory." - Dr. Bryan Smith

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Is there an exception to the rule that states, "There is an exception to every rule"?


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16 Comments on “9 Rules”

  1. #1 Sherry
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 10:29 am

    Haha. These were so funny–and so strangely true! Good stuff. Good stuff.

    I am so glad you are vetted. Your blog is one I visit most frequently (and am glad I can see on campus!). Kudos to you for over 5 years of bringing joy, smiles, and a few tears to your readers. I’m so glad you do! πŸ™‚

  2. #2 Rhonda
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 11:19 am

    I will quote my husband: “It’s good to be a man!”

  3. #3 Michael
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 2:19 pm

    Congrats on being vetted! Of course, now that you’re nationally recognized, we will all learn far too soon just how many skeletons you have in your closet. Like the fact that when you were in high school you slept in church one time or that your daughter’s dog is going to have puppies. How could you?

    As for the rules you shared, many of those do ring true but I’m glad that my relationship with my wife breaks free from that stereotype in many ways. I particularly take issue with the comment that women are to go to their girlfriends for comfort. If we as husbands are to model Christ to our wives, then we should be the first people they come to when they are afraid, discouraged, tired, or downright sad.

    And, you didn’t put one of my favorite autumn activities on the poll: wearing sweaters!

  4. #4 Rob
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    @Sherry – thanks for your kind words. I’m glad you’ve stuck with me throughout those 5+ years! I’m glad too for the blog format so that people can make comments for others to see.

    @Rhonda – I will not argue with Jess on this one. πŸ™‚

    @Michael – thanks for the congrats. Thanks also for you insightful comments, as always! I share the same kind of relationship with my wife, and I’m glad she comes to me for comfort. I basically passed those two sets of “rules” along pretty much as they came to me, minus a couple of extremely inappropriate items. Also, since we’re not very far into the poll, I’ll add your item about wearing sweaters. I had forgotten that many love “sweater weather.”

  5. #5 Tyme White
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Marvelous!!!! Your entry made my day. I was frowning and now I’m smiling. Thank you for taking the time to write entries that make people smile and laugh. πŸ™‚

    Welcome to 9rules! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to show this to people. It’s funny yet so true…lol.

  6. #6 Rob
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    @Tyme – thanks for your kind words. Thanks also for your suggestions that helped improve the setup of my blog. Glad to be a part of 9rules!

  7. #7 pelf
    on Sep 5th, 2008 at 4:24 am

    Congratulations on being vetted (I assume it feels like passing a thesis defense)!

    And, from the 2 sets of rules (from the female and male perspective), I can’t help but see that males have more stringent rules! From toilets to sports to solving problems to choosing clothes and shoes to what you do and don’t. Females, on the other hand, only deals with “The Rules” πŸ˜€

  8. #8 Simon
    on Sep 5th, 2008 at 8:13 am

    Hey Rob, I’m just visiting many of the new 9rules members, and I think you probably have done the most interesting post about it. Very funny! Keep it up and congrats on joining too!

    Simon

  9. #9 David McGuire
    on Sep 5th, 2008 at 10:49 pm

    Just have to share the two rules of marriage:

    The husband is to make all the major decisions.
    The wife is to make all the minor decisions.

    Since I got married in 1970, there have been NO major decisions to make. Case closed.

  10. #10 Rob
    on Sep 6th, 2008 at 6:38 am

    @Pelf – Thanks for stopping by. Hope you’ll be back soon. You made a valid comment about the two sets of rules. I guess it just goes to show that we men are more complex creatures than we’ve been given credit for. Of course, the two lists are just for fun, even though they do ring pretty true.

    @Simon – Thanks for checking in. Return often for a good dose of humor.

    @David McGuire – LOL! I hope any young couples who read your comment will remember your wise advice. πŸ™‚

  11. #11 sean
    on Sep 7th, 2008 at 3:12 am

    concerning no. 1 of the male rules, yes and no can be replaced with a guttural grunt of approval or disapproval. The woman must learn to tell the difference.

    πŸ˜‰

  12. #12 Rob
    on Sep 8th, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    @sean – I’m not sure who the “yes” and “no” answer thing was actually directed to. Was it as you saw it – that the it’s the response the male gives that needs to be enough for the female? Or was it the desire of the male just to get a straight “yes” or “no” answer from the female?

  13. #13 Deb
    on Sep 10th, 2008 at 9:17 am

    Hi Rob ~ I enjoyed reading your blog today and catching up on 11 backlogged posts. I’ve been away from blogland awhile, and it’s good to reconnect. Congrats on being vetted.

  14. #14 Rob
    on Sep 10th, 2008 at 10:08 am

    @Deb – Good to have you back. I saw on your blog what was happening in your life, plus Bet filled me in on it here. I look forward to your good posts again. Thanks for the congrats. I hope it will bring some people to my blog who are looking for good, clean humor.

  15. #15 Janel
    on Sep 18th, 2008 at 7:58 pm

    There were 3 girls in my family and I remember when we became of dating age. My mom helped us print out The Rules and we enjoyed them or at least enjoyed showing them to prospective dates! I have never until this day seen the Male version and I have to say it was nice to see the “other” side πŸ™‚ My husband was very glad to see them too!

  16. #16 Rob
    on Sep 18th, 2008 at 9:51 pm

    @Janel – I’m glad your husband has finally been vindicated by the Male version of the Rules. πŸ™‚