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Swifties of Biblical Proportions

Tom said piously

Anyone who knows me personally or who has read my blog posts for any length of time knows how much I love a good pun. When a pun can be wedded with a point of grammar, it becomes irresistible for me. One such phenomenon is Tom Swifties, of which I have done two previous posts — Tom Swifties, part 1 and Tom Swifties, part 2.

In the first of those posts I gave the background of how Tom Swifties came to be. If you are interested to learn more about that, you can look at that post. The upshot of it is that a "Tom Swiftie" is an adverbial pun game in which the object is to match an adverb with a statement to produce a (hopefully) hilarious pun.

One of my tasks over the Christmas break was to go through some piles on my desk here at home. I was able to eliminate a lot of clutter, but also I found a few treasures that I knew would be good fodder for future blog posts. One of the things I found was a photocopy of an article from a 1982 issue of HIS magazine from Inter-Varsity Press. As best as I can determine, I believe that magazine is no longer being produced.

Anyway, today I will share with you the best of the Swifties from that article, along with a few of my own. :-)

"Abel, would you like me to spot you while you try to bench press that giant rock?" Cain said bashfully.

"They just appeared two by two," whispered Noah arcanely.

"The second dove hasn't returned," said Noah drily.

"So, you're leaving everything behind, just like that?" asked Lot's wife saltily.
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What is wrong with this picture?

Last week I posted some pictures of men who were not practicing good safety in regards to heights. Today I'm going to post just one picture of a man on terra firma, to test your powers of observation.

As we move through later life, we need to keep ourselves occupied with small projects, as exemplified by guy in the picture below. But we must make sure we are working safely. See if you can spot anything he's doing wrong.

Chainsaw Fail

I know, I saw it right away too — no safety glasses or hearing protection! What is he thinking?!

Oh, and I caught something else really important — he’s not wearing gloves!

I might be getting up in years, but I am still sharp as a needle. How about you?


"Newness is no virtue and oldness is no vice." — John Piper


I have a mind like a steel...uh...thingamajig....

Why Women Live Longer than Men, Take 5

After doing four posts with pictures that show why women live longer than men, I should have known that it would be only a matter of time until more pictures surfaced. And surface they did! I got an e-mail last week with many pictures that weren't part of the ones I had published. In fact, there are enough for two posts! Today's post is the first of the two. These pictures all have something to do with men and their lack of fear (read: sense?) about height and safety.

Not all heights are a problem, and yet falling is still not a good idea, as in this one....

Strong Support for Scaffold

There are other "scaffolds" that could be just a precarious.
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The Blind Cowboy and the Number 5

It has been a long, long time since I have published a blonde joke, but this one came my way recently and I just have to share it! I would change "blonde" to "airhead" in the joke since not all blondes are airheads and not all airheads are blonde, but it just wouldn't work so well in this particular joke. You'll see why as you read it.

So without further ado, I will proceed to the joke.


An old, blind cowboy wanders into a smoothie bar one day, mistakenly thinking he has gone into another kind of bar. He doesn't know it, but he's a little out of place as the only male in the whole bar. He finds his way to a stool at the counter. Before trying to order something, he yells to the smoothie barista, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

Everyone in the place immediately goes totally silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman on the stool to his left says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you're blind and all, that you should know five things:"

1. The barista is a blonde girl who keeps a baseball bat behind the bar.

2. The manager over there is a blonde woman who used to be a roller derby queen.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is a blonde professional wrestler.

"Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No, ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


Next week's post will be another set of pictures that help demonstrate why women live longer than men.


"There is no such thing as privacy when it comes to God." — Drew Conley


I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing!

More Mug Shots

In my blog post before last, I posted pictures of coffee mugs and asked my readers to share any that they personally like. Several people took me up on it in the comments to that post and by sending me some pictures. So I am posting today what they've sent.

Here's one about the downside of dating.

Dating Snow Flakes Mug

Here's one with a Herbert Hoover quotation on it.

Blessed Are The Young

Here are several fun ones about coffee itself.
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