ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Favorite Children’s Books


Do your kids or grandkids love it when you read to them? Our kids always did, and now we have the joy of reading to our grandkids. (Remember that picture a few weeks ago of me reading to Ryan and Avery from a seed catalog? :-) Here's a picture I've posted before — me reading to our children when all three could still fit on my lap.

picture of whatever

In this post I will share some of our all-time favorites, several recent books we've discovered, and for those who mostly just want the humor, a short list of children's books that never saw the light of day.

I'll start off with a couple books that we have loved for decades.

We all loved Harry the Dirty Dog, the story of a white dog with black spots. He hated baths and got so dirty that he became a black dog with white spots. I won't tell you the rest of the story in case you want to read it yourself. There are several other books in that series — Harry and the Lady Next Door, Harry by the Sea, and No Roses for Harry.

Harry Dirty Dog

Another favorite in our house is Never Tease a Weasel.
Click here to continue reading this post →

Good, Clean Humor


Camay

One thing that my readers appreciate about my blog is that it is good, clean humor. This week's post is an old routine done by comedian Shelley Berman. It is reminiscent of some of Bob Newhart's one-sided phone conversations, except that we get to read the other side(s) of the "conversation." Mr. Berman related this as something he experienced in some of his travels. I am not familiar with the whole of Berman's work, but I do enjoy what I'm posting today.

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,
S. Berman

divider

Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy,
Relief Maid

divider

Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

S. Berman

divider

Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.

Your regular maid,
Dotty

divider

Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
Click here to continue reading this post →

The Cat Burglar


In the last several weeks, because various families in our neighborhood have been burglarized, we've all been living with heightened awareness. With thoughts of all that swirling through my head, imagine my horror to be the victim of a stolen wallet this week!

I went to Walmart after my last class Monday afternoon to pick up a few items and a couple of prescriptions. When I reached for my wallet to pay, it was gone! I retraced my steps, ran out to my truck to see if it had fallen out there, and then ran back into the store. It was nowhere to be found. I remembered several shoppers brushing against me and knew that I must have been pickpocketed. My mind and body kicked into overdrive as to what to do first.

I drove back to campus to see if it was in my office or my classroom and checked with the teacher who had taught in that room the hour after I did. No wallet. My next stop was my bank to put a stop on my bank card and to get a new one. It's a real trick to prove who you are when every form of identification is in your stolen wallet. Fortunately I could tell the banker several specific transactions (complete with dollar amounts) on that account in the past week. No other purchases had been made on my card, so at least I was able to stop access to my account through my old card.

After leaving the bank with my new card (hooray for TD Bank — their ads about fast replacement cards are not just hype), my next stop was the DMV to get a new driver's license before they closed. Once again, I experienced the grief of trying to establish my identity with not a shred of ID on me, except my new bank card. Believe it or not, I was in and out of the DMV in about 30 minutes! Nothing else essential needed to be handled that afternoon, so exhausted and hungry I headed for home.
Click here to continue reading this post →

How Old Are You?


I am posting this out of my usual schedule to try out the new e-mail notification of my blog posts. Feedburner has been working well for me for quite a while, but the past two weeks it has not sent out my blog posts by e-mail. The RSS works fine, but not the e-mails. To remedy this I am trying out a new plugin for my blog — MailChimp. I hope that this will solve the problem.

Since I hate to do a blog update, for the sole purpose of trying out MailChimp, I'll post several humorous things that have coincided in my life.

Kids Meal Senior Discount

My wife and I have discovered a new favorite place to eat out. It's Culver's. Fortunately it's far enough away that we can't eat there often ... if you know what I mean.... But one thing we've discovered is that their kids' meal is just the right size for us, and it includes a free scoop of their flavor of the day. To make it even better, they give us a senior discount too! So the two of us can eat there for less than a total of $12.

Also the other day a long-time friend and reader sent me a link to a site in Switzerland where you can find out how many days old you are. What an eye opener! As if I didn't feel old enough already, getting senior discounts and all.... :-)
Click here to continue reading this post →

Poisson d’avril!


Poisson d'avril

Today is April Fools' Day in the US. In France they also pull pranks on people by trying to tape a paper fish to other people's backs without their knowing it. A fish in French is un poisson. When the victim has discovered the fish, the people around him yell out "Poisson d'avril!" (April Fish!) They also pull other pranks, just as Americans do, but this is a traditional French prank that's cheap and totally inoffensive.

I thought it would be fun to post some ideas of ways to prank friends or family on April Fools' Day.

You can paint a bar of soap with clear nail polish, let it dry, and then put it where someone is likely to try to use it.

Clear Nail Polish Soap

Here are several food-related pranks. You can replace the cream filling in some Oreos.

Crest Oreos

You can shoot some mustard into the end of a toothpaste tube for a little surprise when the next person gives the tube a squeeze.
Click here to continue reading this post →