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Amish Baseball

picture of baseball

Baseball fans know that the season is in full swing, so to speak. This is "Baseball Week" over at The History Bluff (THB). Dave is having a contest this week and the winner will get a free THB t-shirt and two tickets to a Greenville Drive game. His contest consists of coming up with the best caption for the picture in that post. Based on readers' comments to my "toast post" last week, I have no doubts about what creative writers some of you are. So I hope you'll try your hand at Dave's contest and explore his fun site. You can learn more about it by going to his post called Shoeless Joe Caption Contest: Ticket and T-shirt Giveaway or by clicking on the picture below.

When Dave sent me the info about his contest and asked me to post it, I started thinking about baseball and remembered something I had in my files.

Religious Persuasions and Baseball

Lutherans believe they can't win, but they still trust the scorekeeper.

Puritans won't swing.

Quakers won't strike.

Unitarians can catch anything.

Calvinists believe the game is fixed.

The pope claims never to have committed an error.

Fundamentalists balk.

Pre-Millennialists believe the game will be called on account of darkness.

Atheists don't believe anyone created the game.

Deists don't believe in an umpire.

Adventists won't play the 7th inning.

Amish do a lot of walking.

picture of Amish sign

Speaking of the Amish, while we were in Ohio we saw some Amish people in their horse-drawn buggies on side roads as we crossed the state on US Route 30. On a past trip we were able to visit a neat store in Kidron, OH, called Lehman's. This store carries many products that cater to the special needs of the Amish. While we were in the store that time, we saw missionaries supported by our church in Greenville. They were preparing to leave for Papua New Guinea and were looking for a gas-powered refrigerator to take with them, since they would not have electricity. They found what they needed at Lehman's.

As we drove along US Route 30, we didn't see any Amish people playing baseball, but I was able to find several pictures on line that show that at least some sects do enjoy the game.

picture of Amish baseball

picture of Amish baseball

Here are several bits of Amish humor to finish off this post.

Two young men were in desperate need of cash, but admittedly were a bit cowardly. So the one suggested that they break into the Amish market. The logic being that, since the Amish were nonresistant, even if the young men were caught, no harm could befall them. Thus they carried out their plot. However, just as they were breaking into the cash register, the owner lit the lantern and confronted them, pointing a shotgun directly at them. Calmly, the Amishman said, "Boys, I would never do thee any harm, yet thou art standing where I am about to shoot."


A newcomer to the political scene was campaigning in Amish country for the office of assemblyman. Outside an Amish homestead, he saw a young man milking a cow. He approached the young man, ready to make his pitch for a vote.

Just as he was getting started, an old man called from inside the house. "Luke, get thee into the house. And who is that man thou art talking to?"

"Says he's a politician, father."

"In that case, bring the cow inside with thee."


While driving in Pennsylvania, a family came up behind an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign: "Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."


An Amish boy and his father were visiting a shopping mall. They were simply amazed by almost everything that they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The wide-eyed boy asked his father, "What is that thing, father?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. To be honest, I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch as the circles then lit up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a remarkably beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.

The father said, "Son, go get thy mother."


Can you think of any puns summing up other religion persuasions with baseball terminology? Do you have any experiences with the Amish?


"The more zealously a man is focused on external triviality, the more likely it is that he is hiding inward corruption." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

Did you hear about the Amish flu? There are only two symptoms — first you get a little hoarse, then you get a little buggy.

Kind of reminds me of the man who married an Amish girl so he could drive her buggy!

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6 Comments on “Amish Baseball”

  1. #1 David McGuire
    on Aug 3rd, 2009 at 8:37 am

    True story:

    When the Minnesota State Legislature passed a law stating that the Amish living in Southeast Minnesota had to display orange triangular signs on the back of their buggies, the Amish balked at the notion of having a “worldly” accessory on the back of their buggies. A compromise was reached when state officials agreed that the signs could be white instead of orange. Apparently, everyone was happy with the arrangement.

  2. #2 b.j.
    on Aug 3rd, 2009 at 10:39 am

    “vie bish du?” “how are you” or you could add “alte coo” for “How are you, you old cow?” haha (there’s some Amish language for you, not spelled correctly, just phonetically)

    I lived in NE Ohio in Amish country, and some of my best friends are Amish. (in fact, my sister-in-law used to be Amish) I knew some Amish who, if they were allowed to join the professional leagues and still be Amish, would turn the baseball world on it’s head! Most professional ball players have nothing on the Amish! They are GOOD ball players, and very competitive. Same goes for volleyball. I only played volleyball with my friends until the game really got going, then I promptly became an observer!

    I have known Amish in Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, New York, Texas, and Mexico, and none of them ever used the “thee’s and thou’s” speech. I wonder where that misconception came from? The Quakers, maybe?

    I was riding in a buggy with a friend, and commenting on how peaceful it was, no motor noise, no exhaust fumes. Just then, the horse “did it’s deed” and I had to scratch the comment about exhaust fumes! peeuuw!

    I do miss hearing the clip clop of the buggies going down the road, the subtle rattling of chains and soft snuffing of the draft horses plowing the fields, and the laughter and chatter of Amish schoolchildren walking in clusters to their one room school house. I miss seeing the golden shocks of oats placed in rows in the fields with a background of tall green corn stalks in the next field, or a pasture full of gently lowing dairy cows. Or going to a wedding feast, and in just one moment it goes from the mixed noises of Pennsylvania Dutch (Amish), English, children playing, babies crying, to the utter silence of unspoken prayer where even the barnyard animals seem to be reverently quiet, and then just as suddenly, everyone is talking again.
    Well, there are some of my Amish memories for ya! 🙂

  3. #3 Donna
    on Aug 3rd, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Have you seen this one?

    Thou hast just received the Amish Virus.

    As we haveth no technology nor programming experience, this virus worketh on the honour system. Please delete all the files from thy hard drive and manually forward this virus to all on thy mailing list.

    We thank thee for thy cooperation.

    — The Amish Computer Engineering Dept.

  4. #4 Rob
    on Aug 3rd, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    @David and b.j. – Thanks for sharing some of your experiences with the Amish in your area. Interesting stories, for sure. From what I’ve heard, there’s a lot of variety and a lot of fudging to get around the hard and fast rules when they want something badly enough.

    @Donna – Very funny, especially from a computer person. 🙂

  5. #5 Michael
    on Aug 4th, 2009 at 8:01 am

    Well, you asked for some baseball puns based on religious affiliations. Here’s one:

    The Jews ran home.

  6. #6 Rob
    on Aug 4th, 2009 at 9:37 am

    @Michael – Those who ran “home” to Israel are not all necessarily Jews religiously as much as ethnically, are they? It seems I’ve read that many “Jews” in Israel are not practicing or anywhere near being “orthodox.” Is that the case?