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Atlanta! Tut Tut!

It must be Christmas vacation because we took a day-trip to Atlanta! Last year it was to visit the Georgia Aquarium - here's a link to that post - http://blog.ivman.com/the-atlanta-aquarium [1] This year it was to visit the King Tut exhibition [2].

picture of King Tut banner

The exhibition was quite interesting and held some amazing artifacts. I plan to do another blog post about it next week. Today I'm just going to post one of my favorite reads about the city of Atlanta.

Guide to ATLANTA, GEORGIA (pronunciation is: lan-uh, JAW-jah)

picture of Atlanta

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, who has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta, Georgia.

Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.

All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree ... " and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House...." except in Cobb County where all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."

Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place, Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road, Peachtree Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree Avenue, Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Hills, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree Corners, Old Peachtree, West Peachtree, Peachtree-Dunwoody, Peachtree-Chamblee, or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.

Atlantans know only their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.

Atlantans do not believe in turn signals. You will never see a native signal at a stop light, to change lanes, or to merge. Never.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. That's all they drink there, so don't ask for any other soft drink ... unless it's made by Coca Cola. And even then, it's all still "Coke."

Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch. The doors on the trains in the airport do not reopen like an elevator if you stick your hand out. And they hurt.

It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on.

The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that effect so that out-of-towners don't feel lost ... they're just on a "scenic drive."

The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 a.m. The 5:00 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30 to 7:30 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning and lasts through 2:00 a.m. Saturday.

Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody, especially those who live in Atlanta. Stay out of these lanes unless you are looking for a head-on collision.

Outside of the perimeter, "Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are. In the suburbs, "Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss." So is "Sweetpea." "Honey" is always used by Waffle House waitresses.

Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a native, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. (The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnss duh LEE-on.")

The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers immediately to forget all traffic rules; so will daylight savings time, a girl applying eye shadow in the next car, or a flat tire three lanes over.

If a single snowflake falls the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. If there is a remote chance of snow, all the grocery stores will be sold out of not only milk, bread, and eggs (like all other true Southerners, Atlantans must sit around the house eating French toast during threats of snow), but also bottled water and toilet paper. And if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard of 2 - - -" T-shirts.

If you're standing on a corner and a MARTA bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere.

It is always Smog Alert Day.

Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts.

Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates, and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.

Atlanta's traffic is the friendliest around. The commuters spend hours mingling with each other twice a day. In fact, Atlanta's traffic is rated number one in the country. You will often see people parked beside the road and engaged in lively discussions.

Atlantans are very proud of our race track, known as Road Atlanta. It winds throughout the city on the Interstates, hence its name. Actually, I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta and has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."

Don't believe the directional markers on highways. I-285 is marked "East" and "West" but you may be going "North" or "South". The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop". If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.

Georgia 400 is the southern equivalent of the German Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on GA-400, because even the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized-SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school bus coming home from their college prep preschools.

The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy, which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles, houses, etc. are yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you have any allergies, you will die there.

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Before ending this post, I want to share a picture I took in the souvenir shop at the end of our tour of the King Tut exhibit. The souvenirs ranged from cheesy little cheap trinkets to expensive items, all based on things we'd seen in the exhibit. One of the items that caught my eye was this:

picture of King Tut tissue box cover

It's a lovely tissue box cover!

Becka's blog [3] is one week old, and my wife has already had almost 300 unique visitors. If you haven't stopped by to check it out yet, I hope you will soon.

Have a great weekend!

quotation...

"You have to prize respectability less and rescue more because that's what the Lord Jesus is all about." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

You can say what you want about the South, but you don't seem to hear of anyone retiring and moving to the North!