My wife recounted to me a recent news story she had seen about a man in Daytona Beach, FL, who looked out the window and spotted a black bear in the hammock swing in the back yard! Here's a picture of the bear:
That news story and another one the other day about Smokey the Bear turning 70 this year made me think I ought to do a blog post about bears. First, there's a fun, short YouTube video about his birthday, and then I've posted two jokes that have bears in them.
Those of you reading this post in e-mail or in a blog reader might have to go to this blog post itself to see the video.
Three students from University of Michigan, Michigan State, and Ohio State decided that they would like to do something together to mitigate the tension between them. One suggested that they go on a hunting trip. The other two liked the idea. Outfitted and with guns in hand, they drove to the woods. The two Michigan rivals said to the Buckeye, "You go in first."
One hour later the Buckeye came out of the woods with a big buck deer. The other two said, "Wow, how did you do that?" He responded, "I went into the woods, I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, I saw the deer, I shot the deer."
Next the Wolverine entered the woods and one hour later he came out dragging a bear behind him. "Wow, how did you do that?" said the other two. He responded, "I went into the woods, I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, I saw the bear, I shot the bear."
Finally the Spartan entered the woods. Three hours later he came out, clothes torn half off, bruised and bloody, but with no animal. The Buckeye and the Wolverine said, "Wow, what happened to you?" To which he responded, "Well, I did just what you guys did, I went into the woods, I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, I got hit by the train!"
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had accidentally created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him; reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh, dear God!"
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I now to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The river ran again. The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head, and spoke for the first time, praying, "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
The humor was only barely bearable, I'm sure.
"God is a master of using unlikely tools to accomplish His will." — Drew Conley
Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
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