ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Cat Definitions

picture of kitten sleeping

Cats seem to be one of those creatures that people either love or hate. Becka and I enjoy our cats very much. Their being in the house causes extra work for us, but name a house pet that doesn't cause extra work. Our cats have had to endure some turmoil this past week as our white vinyl kitchen floor was replaced with porcelain tile. You can read about it and see pictures on Becka's blog. The cats seem to have come through it all unscathed and happy to be back out from under the bed.

I looked through my files to see what I have on the subject of cats. Today's instant vacation is a few things I've never posted.

Ten definitions of a cat:

1. a lap warmer with a built-in buzzer
2. a four-footed allergen
3. a small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist
4. a gracefully designed, organic alarm clock
5. a wildlife control expert impersonator
6. a treat-seeking missile
7. a small, furry, lap fungus
8. one who sleeps in old, empty boxes
9. an un-programmable animal
10. a hair relocation expert

Ten other words defined, as related to cats:

1. Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat's life
2. Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink
3. Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat
4. Cat Scan: to look for a cat. Is he in or out?
5. Dog: a cat's device for running practice
6. Can opener: a device that causes missing cats to magically appear
7. Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of
8. Human: an automatic door opener for cats
9. Yawn: a cat's honest opinion, openly expressed
10. Kitten: a homicidal muffin on legs. Not usually recommended for beginners.


Even if you don't like cats, you have to admit they can do some of the cutest things.

picture of cute cats

They can also do some of the most disgusting things, as described in the cross stitch below.

picture of cross stitch

They show great intelligence, as do these "chessy cats" below.

picture of chessy cats

They're great at catching and killing (torturing or frightening to death?) rodents ... unless they learn to love them instead.

picture of cat and rat

picture of cat and rat

picture of cat and rat

picture of cat and rat

picture of cat and rat

picture of cat and rat

One of the things cats do best, though, is sleeping. Here's a picture of the ultimate in accessories for your cat — a cat hammock.

picture of cat hammock

I'll end with one of my all time favorite video clips — the Cat Herders. It was a Super Bowl commercial in 2000 and is considered by many to be one of the top ten best Super Bowl ads. If you're reading this in e-mail or a blog reader, you will have to go to my blog itself to see the video. I had to watch it several times to catch all the more subtle humor, like the guy cleaning cat hair off himself. Enjoy, especially if you've never seen it before.

Do you have any additional definitions of cats or words related to cats? What do you like most and least about cats?


"We need to spread the gospel with the same fervency as a Tea Party rally." - Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^= (our cats Adelade and Clementine)

Why isn't there a mouse-flavored cat food? Or cat-flavored dog food?

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

If you enjoyed this post, get updates by RSS e-mail or Twitter

6 Comments on “Cat Definitions”

  1. #1 Joel
    on Jul 5th, 2010 at 8:39 am

    That’s funny, I thought you didn’t like cats. Are you the one that told our class dead cat jokes? And the classic, “What did the 500 pound parakeet say to the cat? (Here, kitty, kitty, kitty)”

  2. #2 Sue
    on Jul 5th, 2010 at 10:54 am

    We have two cats, a Maine coon mix and a domestic longhair. The shedding is the main drawback, but they are less maintenance than dogs. I used clicker training to teach mine tricks – they know “sit,” “give five,” “stand,” “give kiss,” “speak,” “smack,” “fetch,” and “jump up.” Unlike most dogs, they absolutely refuse to work for free. No treat, no trick!

  3. #3 Shannah
    on Jul 5th, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    The cat herders video is one of my favorites… I watch it over and over, and laugh every time. Another set of videos you need to see if you haven’t already is the “Simon’s Cat” series– you can find it on youtube. I particularly love the one where the cat is waking up his owner… there’s no question that the artist has a cat himself.

  4. #4 Rob
    on Jul 6th, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    @Joel – Yes, I did tell a few of those jokes back then. I joke about all sorts of things that I like a lot, though. Strange, I know. :-) I think it’s sad not to be able to see the humor in almost anything in life. As they say … sacred cows make the best burgers. BTW, I haven’t thought of the 500 pound parakeet joke in years. (We won’t say how many years ago that was…. :-D

    @Sue – My hat is off to you for being able to teach your cats tricks — treats or not treats. Cats have a mind of their own, for sure.

    @Shannah – Thanks for reminding me of the Simon Cat series. I’ll have to do some searching….

  5. #5 Carrie
    on Jul 8th, 2010 at 2:41 am

    We have the cat herding clip saved on our computer. It’s a great one!

  6. #6 Rob
    on Jul 15th, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    @Carrie – I’ve had it for most of the time it’s been available, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched it … and LOL each time. I keep seeing something new or that I’ve forgotten, like the cowboy on the horse sneezing. Great stuff!

If you enjoyed this post, get updates by RSS e-mail or Twitter