In a recent post called Extra! Extra! Read all about it!  I talked about the decline in circulation and subsequent demise of some newspapers that have been around for years. One of the favorite sections of the paper that many people will miss is the classifieds. Though meant to be helpful, but they are often a great source of humor, intentionally or otherwise.
I have scans of quite a few funny classifieds as well as text of some reportedly real ads. Because of the sheer quantity, I'm breaking the post into two parts. Here are some particularly poorly-worded ads.
WARNING: Don't read these unless you're in a place where you are free to laugh out loud at least several times.
I'll start off with some help wanted ads.
Here are some items for sale.
Here are several (a little too?) personal ads.
Illiterate? Write today for help.
Auto Repair Service. Try us once, and you'll never go anywhere again.
Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children.
Stock up and Save! Limit one per customer.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Three-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.
WANTED: Girl to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it!
Vacation special: Have your home exterminated.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
For rent: Six-room hated apartment.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Man, honest, will take anything.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
For sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
And who said spelling and word order don't matter?! 🙂
I have added part 2 to this post – http://blog.ivman.com/crazy-classifieds-part-2 
Our campus son Tim, whom I mentioned in the post Rules of the Air , has written a book that will be off the presses this summer. I'd like to share the link to his website about this book Inherited Freedom . I was privileged to be one of his readers before the book went into production. It's a good tribute to both of his grandfathers, soldiers in the Greatest Generation. I've put a link to his site in the links on my sidebar.
I'll end this post with a picture I received today that was just screaming out to be shared. The subject line of the e-mail read:
It's official. There is a recession!
"Much of the trouble we face is self-inflicted." - Dr. Drew Conley
Editing is a rewording activity.