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Crazy Classifieds, part 2


This is a continuation of the post Crazy Classifieds, part 1 from earlier this week. I hope you enjoy these. I will repeat the same disclaimer....

WARNING: Don't read these unless you're in a place where you are free to laugh out loud at least several times.

picture of classified

picture of classified

picture of classified

picture of classified

picture of classified

picture of classified

picture of classified

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picture of classified

picture of classified

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picture of classified

picture of classified

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.

And now, the Superstore – unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Dinner Special – Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh vegetables, salads, quiche.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Great Dames for sale.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.

Mother's helper – peasant working conditions.

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I really enjoy hearing from the commenters on my blog. If you don't get to the blog itself and read the comments, you're missing some of the best humor. Or worse yet, you could be depriving the other readers of the laugh they would get from your comment! :-D

I'll be back at you this weekend with the second installment of Tom Swifties. Hope your week ends well.

quotation...

"Be what you want them to become, or you will become what they are." - Dr. Gordon Dickson

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

"LITE" — the new way to spell "LIGHT" with 20% fewer letters!


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12 Comments on “Crazy Classifieds, part 2”

  1. #1 Vikki
    on May 21st, 2009 at 9:22 am

    I want Mr. Giggles!! He looks so cute and lovable!! Also, should be a good match with my great dame!!!

  2. #2 LeAnne
    on May 21st, 2009 at 9:25 am

    Where I grew up in Michigan, we had a pizza place called Toarmina’s that specialized in really big pizzas. The side of their box advertised (without punctuation) “24 foot long pieces.”

  3. #3 Brian
    on May 21st, 2009 at 9:40 am

    these are so funny!!! and terrible!

    Brian’s last blog post..That’s Not Music

  4. #4 Greg
    on May 21st, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    These ads jsut porve that not all neswpapres profo raed the adds all teh tmie. :-)

  5. #5 Rob
    on May 21st, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    @Vikki – I’m so sorry, but I have no idea how you can adopt Mr. Giggles since the phone number has been obscured in the ad. Maybe you can locate another cute, lovable dog for your great dame?

    @LeAnne – It’s kind of amazing what a missing hyphen can do, isn’t it?

    @Brian – Glad you liked them, or not? :-)

    @Greg – Sure dose.

  6. #6 Michael
    on May 21st, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    The last two ads with photos were awesome. Thankfully, my wife also does not like cats (we’re both allergic) so that is a battle I don’t see us fighting in the future. And, Mr. Giggles! I wonder if that dog was actually purchased.

    A question I have is who is the person who reads all these classifieds to find the mistakes that have been made? Are these lonely people who are desperate for entertainment?

  7. #7 Rob
    on May 21st, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    @Michael – Glad you enjoyed them. I usually put some of the funniest stuff at the end of my posts as a reward to those who stick with it and get all the way through. Congrats on your reward! :-D

    I have to laugh at the irony of your question — my signature line for this post was almost “Were the mistakes left in the items above for the people who need to correct others to make their lives fulfilled?”

  8. #8 Dahv
    on May 22nd, 2009 at 9:43 am

    Just curious, but what’s that funny string of punctuation at the end by your name?

  9. #9 Rob
    on May 22nd, 2009 at 11:10 am

    @Dahv – It just dawned on me what you were asking about:

    =^..^= =^..^=
    Rob

    Depending on what font you are using when viewing my blog or e-mails, it may be more or less clear. =^..^= is a cat … whiskers, ear, eyes, ear, and whiskers. In some of my oldest blog posts there were three cats — that was before we had to put Linus down after he was so weakened and emaciated from cancer. Then it dropped to two cats =^..^= =^..^= (Adelaide and Clementine). Both of them are borderline geriatric, so you’ll just have to watch the funny punctuation…. :-)

  10. #10 John T
    on May 22nd, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    There was classified ad in our very own Greenville News several years ago for someone selling a pet boa constrictor that “answers to Lefty.” The thought of a snake that would respond when called, let alone one that had a right-or-left-handedness about it struck me as hilarious.

  11. #11 Carrie
    on May 22nd, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    I’ll take the high chair that converts to a spring coat. :o)

  12. #12 Rob
    on May 23rd, 2009 at 11:55 am

    @John – That is really bizarre about Lefty the boa! Thanks for sharing it. I agree with your analysis of it all. :-)

    @Carrie – It’s yours, if you can find it!


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