ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....


picture of a frog

As promised several weeks ago, here's the final installment of Tom Swifties. A close cousin to the Tom Swifty is the Croaker. Croakers are like Tom Swifties, only different. It is the verb, rather than the adverb, that supplies the pun. The one that probably gave them their name is "My pet frog died," Tom croaked. If you make it all the way to the end, there are even a few without Tom! Anyway, here goes....

"All right then, we'll use a water solution," Tom acquiesced.

"There is room for one more," Tom admitted.

"Here's your allowance for the next two weeks," Tom advanced.

"Waaaa! I'm losing my hair," Tom bawled.

"Wow!" barked Tom, with a bow.

"I am NOT full of hot air," Tom belched.

"The fire's going out!" Tom bellowed.

"The giant sea creature died," Tom blubbered and wailed.

"My ancestor was a famous Confederate general who had an army fort named after him," Tom bragged.

"I make myself use this brush," Tom bristled.

"I hate cleaning fish," Tom carped.

"I like Chinese detective films!" Tom chanted.

"I want another plate of steamers!" Tom clamoured.

"Have another cola," Tom coaxed.

"We've overthrown the government," Tom cooed.

"I saw more black birds than you did," Tom crowed.

"So what if the Greek piper god is deceased?" Tom deadpanned.

"Someone has removed all the twos from this deck," Tom deduced.

"Beagles are all dumb," Tom dogmatized.

"I used to be a gold miner!" Tom exclaimed.

"I used to be a pilot," Tom explained.

"I've done well on my diet," Tom expounded.

"I used to work for Manpower," Tom extemporized.

"I hope I can still play the guitar," Tom fretted.

"I must be just a visitor," Tom guessed.

"I've struck oil," Tom gushed.

"I feel empty inside," Tom hollered.

"I think that mischievous child deceived me," Tom implied.

"She must be wearing her mink inside out," Tom inferred.

"This meat is not very tender," Tom insinuated.

"I can stay on pitch when I sing," Tom intoned.

"You look like a baby goat," Tom kidded.

"You know, I do love cats," Tom mused.

"That's not a sheltie — it's just a mongrel," Tom muttered.

"Oh! What I'd give to see the nicest of all trees — evergreens!" Tom opined.

"We'll get there before you do," Tom and Harry predicted.

"Yippee! Another windstorm," Tom regaled.

"I want to renew my membership," Tom rejoined.

"I'm never anywhere on time," Tom related.

"I used to think amputation was irreversible," Tom remembered.

"I'll glue the sheets of wood back together," Tom replied.

"Corroborate that again," Tom reproved.

"May I go look for the Holy Grail again?" Tom requested.

"We're having calf once again," Tom revealed.

"That's it! No more! That's my third electric shock this week!" Tom revolted.

"I got the stain out of my favorite shirt!" Tom shouted.

"I ate the last candy bar," Tom snickered.

"It looks like it's going to storm," Tom thundered.

"I hate milking cows," Tom uttered.

"Oh no! It's Moby Dick!" Tom wailed.

"Yuk! My grape juice has fermented," Tom whined.

"I don't like sweet potatoes," Tom yammered.


Then there are Double Croakers in which a combination of several sentence components make the pun.

"Furthermore, I'm the best mathematician in the world," Tom added summarily.

"Keep working, you mangy cur," Tom barked doggedly.

"This ... meat ... is ... hard ... to ... chew," Tom beefed jerkily.

"The fire in the hearth is going out," Tom bellowed greatly.

"I can't eat some of the meat they eat in France," Tom bridled hoarsely.

"Get me off this horse!" Tom derided woefully.

"I suppose I've lost a lot of weight," Tom expounded thinly.

"I refuse to obey that French 'No Smoking' sign," fumed Tom defensively.

"I did NOT finish in fifth place," Tom held forth.

"Your embroidery is sloppy," Tom needled cruelly.

"I plan to work at the cemetery," Tom plotted gravely.

"Do you think I can eventually draw blood from you?" Tom probed vainly.

"I'm leaving you, you snake!" Tom rattled off.

"That's the last time I'll lie on the train tracks!" said Tom, beside himself.

"No, I don't have any Milkyways on me," said Tom holding no bars.

"I've run out of wool," said Tom knitting his brow.

"The exit is right there," Tom pointed out.

"I'll figure out the answer to this algebra problem," Tom added, nonplussed.

"I'm wearing a wedding ring," said Tom with abandon.

"I've got you covered. Drop your gun," said Tom with a disarming smile.

"Eat more fruit" said Tom with aplomb.

"I just swallowed an earthworm," said Tom with bated breath.

"I've just slain and cremated the Greek piper god," said Tom with panache.

"I'll tell you no lies!" sang Tom in falsetto.

"So only one person arrived at your party before I did?" Tom second guessed.

"I am too singing in tune!" Tom sounded off.

"Well, even if no one else does, *I* enjoy fixing bicycle wheels," Tom spoke up.

"Well, I, for one, have always been a great proponent of the Heimlich manoeuvre," Tom struck back.

"Here's the story of the Liberty Bell," Tom told appealingly.

"Let me show you how to have a well polished floor," Tom waxed eloquently.


And, if you've made it this far and are sick to death of TOM, here are some Swifties and Croakers with no Tom at all!

"I wonder why uranium is fluorescent," said Marie curiously.

"Dorothy, if you go to Oz again, you're taking me instead of Toto," Auntie Em barked.

"Work, work, work! That's all I ever do. That's all I ever do," Bea droned.

"I hate reading Victor Hugo," said Les miserably.

"My mom is German," she muttered.

"Wouldn't just gold and frankincense do?" the Magi demurred.

"I've got a new game we could play," mumbled Peg.

"These cookies are too spicy!" Ginger snapped.


"Can you add any Croakers to the comments?" asked Rob openly.


"We're so often consumed with cheap toys when God wants to give us treasures that will last forever." Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

Always remember — everyone of us is someone else's weirdo!

Print This Post Print This Post

If you enjoyed this post, to get updates when I post to my blog, sign up for your preferred method below — RSS, Twitter, or e-mail.

15 Comments on “Croakers”

  1. #1 Sue
    on Jun 13th, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    “The Swifties have ended,” she said with finality.

  2. #2 Dahv
    on Jun 13th, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    “Please let me plant the sapling in that hole!” Tom entreated.

  3. #3 Tim
    on Jun 13th, 2009 at 7:36 pm

    It doesn’t follow the sentence pattern of the croakers and swifties, but how about “Tom retreated to the kitchen to get another snack”?

  4. #4 Tim
    on Jun 13th, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    Or Tim resorted to extreme means to rid himself of chaos.

  5. #5 Rob
    on Jun 13th, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    @Sue – Thanks for that one.

    @Dahv – Oooo, good one! “Sue actually squeaked in ahead of you in making the first comment … I just didn’t get to moderate it before you commented,” said Rob approvingly.

    @Tim – How about “I’m getting another snack in the kitchen,” said Tom as he retreated.

  6. #6 Abigail Yoder
    on Jun 14th, 2009 at 10:35 am

    “Oh no! I dropped my toothpaste,” Tom said, crestfallen.

  7. #7 Rob
    on Jun 14th, 2009 at 12:50 pm

    @Abigail – Abi! Ni hao ma? So good to hear from you! I enjoy seeing pictures of you and your students on your FB. Remembering you.

  8. #8 Jkopp
    on Jun 14th, 2009 at 8:33 pm

    “I’m never going to fly on that airplane again,” Tom explained quickly.
    .-= Jkopp’s last blog post … Decompose. =-.

  9. #9 Rob
    on Jun 14th, 2009 at 8:59 pm

    @Jkopp – Good one, Josh! I don’t know if that’s a deep thought or a lofty thought, though. 😉

  10. #10 Michael
    on Jun 15th, 2009 at 8:34 am

    “I suppose we should end this war,” Lee granted.

    Loved the ones about the Greek piper god.

  11. #11 Roy Hooper
    on Jun 15th, 2009 at 8:39 am

    Thanks Rob for putting “Dispatches from the Front” on your Blog. Our family watched this the other night. It is enlightening, convicting, and makes us realize how soft American Christianity is and how much His Kingdom is advancing in spite of great opposition in so-called “closed” countries. Noticed a great ad for this in latest edition of World Magazine as well. My prayer is that many will purchase and watch and give.

    Roy Hooper

  12. #12 Rob
    on Jun 15th, 2009 at 8:43 am

    @Michael – LOL! Let’s tweak that one slightly and turn it into a Triple Croaker … “I suppose we should end this war,” Lee granted civilly. 😀

    You can’t imagine how much tweaking and smoothing I did on the original list of Croakers (and Swifties) to get them to the way they read now.

    @Roy – Glad you noticed it and hope many more will too.

  13. #13 Jonathan
    on Jun 15th, 2009 at 11:41 am

    “I’d like to make a modest proposal,” said Jonathan Swiftly.

  14. #14 Lara
    on Jun 27th, 2009 at 3:36 am

    “At least he’s not lustful, prideful, gluttonous, envious, greedy, wrathful, or slothful, ” Tom noted sincerely.

  15. #15 Rob
    on Jun 27th, 2009 at 8:42 am

    @Lara – I’m still pondering that one….