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Did Your Dad Say This?

today's instant vacation...

I'm posting "off schedule" because I want to share some of my favorite humor about dads. As scary as it is now to look in the mirror and see my dad, it was scarier yet when I first started hearing my dad when I interacted with my kids as they grew up. I would say something and think afterwards how unoriginal or recylced it was - I was unintentionally quoting or paraphrasing my own dad! I lost my dad 34 years ago (massive heart attack at age 42), and I still miss him a lot. There's so much I would love to be sharing with him. I know he would absolutely love my kids and be as proud of them as I am. And my kids would love him as much as I do.

Many of us have favorite quotations from our fathers and/or grandfathers. The list below is a list of favorite "dadisms" and also some things you would never hear your dad say.

How many of the following have you heard coming from a father?

Don't ask me, ask your mother.

Close the door. Were you born in a barn?

You didn't beat me. I let you win.

Big boys don't cry.

Don't worry. It's only blood.

Now you listen to ME, Buster!

A little dirt never hurt anyone - just wipe it off.

I told you, keep your eye on the ball.

Who said life was supposed to be fair? Life is not fair.

Always say please and thank you.

If you forget, you'll be grounded till the end of the world.

"Hey" is for horses.

This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.

Turn off those lights.

Don't give me any of your lip, young lady.

We're not lost. I'm just not sure where we are.

Do you think I am made of money?

No, we're not there yet.

Shake it off. It's only pain.

When I was your age , I....

As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules.

I'll tell you why. Because I said so. That's why.

Do what I say, not what I do.

Sit up straight!

So you think you're smart , do you?

What's so funny? Wipe that smile off your face.

Young ladies perspire; they do not sweat.

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times....

You want something to do? I'll give you something to do.

If you fall and break your leg, don't come running to me.

You should visit/call/write more often. Your mother worries.

I'm not sleeping - I was watching that channel.

I'm not just talking to hear my own voice!

Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.

What do you think I am, a bank?

What part of NO don't you understand?

I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not everybody else's father!

You're not leaving my house dressed like that!

Hurt much? I didn't feel a thing.

If you're gonna be dumb, you've gotta be tough.

Didn't your teacher learn you anything?!

Do you think I'm made of money?

It's hard to be good and easy to be bad.

I got my tongue wrapped around my eye-tooth and couldn't see what I was saying.

Hey, did you hear me talking to you?

You know you're always gonna be Daddy's little girl.

I'm not sleeping while I watch television. I'm just resting my eyes.

Don't use that tone with me!

Am I talking to a brick wall?

If you do that one more time, I'll....

Act your age.

Two wrongs do not make a right.

Wipe your feet!

Enough is enough! Don't make me stop the car!

What did I just get finished telling you?


Here are some things you'll never hear a dad say:

Leave the lights on. I don't care about the power bill.

You know ... I am made of money. Money really does grow on trees; of course, you can have that toy, book, car, etc. Whatever you want is yours

In my day, we had it much easier than you do. My parents drove me to school even though it was just next door.

Don't save for a rainy day. Your mom and I will always be here to bail you out.

You know, Honey, now that you're thirteen, you're ready for unchaperoned dates.

I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.

What do I want for my birthday? Aahh, don't worry about that. It's no big deal.

What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating's not good enough for you, son?

Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.

Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies--ya know--that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. Have fun!

Father's Day? aahh - don't worry about that -- it's no big deal to me.


This is Rob again. I hope that all you dads have a great Father's Day!


"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." III John 4

=^..^= =^..^=

It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.

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5 Comments on “Did Your Dad Say This?”

  1. #1 Jonathan
    on Jun 16th, 2008 at 9:04 am

    As my father would say, “Try jiggling the handle”.

  2. #2 Rob
    on Jun 16th, 2008 at 9:08 am

    Jonathan, having met your dad and having heard your stories, I think I could almost hear your dad saying that. 🙂

  3. #3 Richard
    on Jun 16th, 2008 at 11:16 am

    Sad to say, at my school in Baltimore, there are some dad’s who WOULD say some of those same things (in the second list). For example, there was a sixth grader this year who received a credit card for Christmas, and a few years ago we had a boy in high school whose father (presumably) bought him everything he wanted – every gaming system, huge TV in his room, the best clothes and shoes, and anything else he wanted…

    Times are changing. 🙁

  4. #4 Jessica
    on Jun 19th, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    My dad:

    “The world does not revolve around you.”

    “The majority is usually wrong.”

    Whenever my sister or I get a short haircut: “Bald girls get husbands too.”

    When asked what he wants for Christmas/his birthday/whatever: “Four kids who
    are good all year.” (We can NEVER get a straight answer from him on this one!)

  5. #5 Karen
    on Apr 21st, 2009 at 11:20 am

    The “Dad” sayings are right on! Loved them. Think my dad said about 90% of these.

    But five that he did say are:

    Never explain. Your friends won’t need it and your enemies won’t believe you anyway.

    Never say never!

    Don’t drive your stakes so deep you can’t pull them up.

    Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty. Men don’t want a fussy women for a wife.

    Two wrongs don’t make one right.

    Karen M.