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Disturbing Headlines

picture of headline

After reading the title of this blog post, some may be asking how anyone can disturb a headline. Of course, it's the headlines that are disturbing us. Between natural disasters (earthquakes, snow storms, rock slides, etc.) and man-made disasters (you can supply your own...), many newspaper and magazine headlines are so disturbing right now that I thought I would try to cheer my readers up with some headlines that they could laugh about. The humor in some of the headlines below results from nouns being mistaken as verbs, and vice versa. In others it comes from misplaced modifiers or just unfortunate wordings.

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead (With that being old news, something more up-to-date would be Obama Wins on Health Care, But More Lies Ahead)

Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years

Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin

Autos Killing 110 a Day — Let's Resolve to Do Better

American Ships Head to Gulf

Flaming Toilet Seat Causes Evacuation at High School

After Detour to California Shuttle Returns to Earth

Defendant's Speech Ends in Long Sentence

Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan

Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday

Alcohol Frequently Seen In Cases

Collegians are Turning to Vegetables

Obama's ad buys dwarf TV presence of McCain

Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests

Air Head Fired

Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84

Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty

Heat Wave Linked to Temperatures

Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder

Infertility Unlikely To Be Passed On

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty

Teenage Girls Often Have Babies Fathered by Men

Man Jumps Off Bridge. Neither Jumper nor Body Found

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Putting Mattress On Floor Prevents Fall From Bed

Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung

Woman Improving After Fatal Crash


If you can't get enough of these, you can check out my prior blog posts on newspaper headlines by clicking on the tags headlines [1] or newspapers [2] in the tag cloud in the sidebar.

I'll end with a cartoon I found online concerning a recent object of headlines — Obamacare [3].

picture of Obamacare cartoon

Now that health care has officially "gone postal," I'm reminded of something I've heard said by many — with Obamacare we will end up with a system with the efficiency of the US Postal System and the compassion of the IRS. Can anyone name a government program that isn't losing money?! I don't know whether he accidentally slipped and let out some truth about the real objectives, but in an interview [4] on Detroit's WJR News/Talk 760 radio talk show with host Paul W. Smith [5] earlier this week Rep. John Dingell (D-MI) said, "it takes a long time to do the necessary administrative steps that have to be taken to put the legislation together to control the people." That statement will go almost unnoticed as the mainstream media seeks to try to help hide news items like that — don't look for that disturbing comment to become a disturbing headline!

What are your thoughts on Obamacare?


"Prayer is unfriendly to the flesh." - Dr. Tom Coleman

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Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.