A little over a week ago I did a blog post on elevators. While working on it, I found something in my files that I thought I'd post also - a list of what could be "Murphy's Elevator Laws." It was not billed as such, but it certainly could be. Those who have to ride elevators frequently can probably identify with many items on the list. Hope your week ends well and that you have a safe and blessed weekend!
(Murphy's?) Elevator Laws
There are unwritten rules that people who ride elevators seem to follow, whether they know it or not. It's not really something that anyone needs to put into effect by law - it's just the way things seem to be already.
1. When you are waiting for an elevator and there are two sets, the one that is the greatest distance from you will open first.
2. While you are riding the elevator, it is not permissible to look anyone in the eyes. The proper place to stare is at the floor or at the numbers.
3. The person at the very back of the elevator will always be the one who needs off first.
4. If you are on the top floor of a 32 story building and need to go the 1st floor, the elevator will stop 31 times before you can step out on the ground floor.
5. If you get off on the wrong floor and realize it the instant your foot hits the ground outside the elevator, it's much too embarrassing to admit you are wrong, so you stay outside the door and act like you know what you're doing then catch the next one and hope all the people you were with are no longer in the elevator.
6. When there are six elevator doors, the one you stand in front of will be the last to open.
7. When the elevator is the most full, one of two people will be on the elevator with you: an extremely sick person who coughs constantly and then gets off on the same floor you do, or a lady with a baby that screams through the entire ride.
8. Don't pass gas in an elevator, even if you are all alone, because when you do, the very next stop will have ten people waiting to get on. It's always best to wait until the elevator is full then no one knows whom to blame.
9. If you speak to a stranger in an elevator there will always be nervous laughter.
10. The friendliest person on the elevator that insists on talking to you will always have bad breath and body odor.
11. Elevators force you to be close to people that you would never choose to be around otherwise. If you want a cultural experience, spend a day riding elevators.
12. The first person to get on the elevator gets the command position next to the buttons so that they can feel important when people ask them to punch their floor for them.
13. While waiting for an elevator, there will always be one person to comment on how slow the elevator is and then push the up or down button over and over as if that will make it speed up.
14. Once inside the elevator that same person will repeatedly punch the button for their floor thinking that this also will speed up the elevator.
15. On of the top most annoying elevator pet peeves is parents who will allow their child to push the buttons and then smile at you after the kid has pushed all 26 buttons while you are on the first floor needing to get to the 25th floor. Then at every floor the kid will yell "Is this where we get off?"
16. The floor that is labeled the 1st floor is not really the 1st floor, but is in reality the basement. The 1st floor is actually labeled the 2nd floor.
17. If you are not in any hurry, there will always be an empty elevator, waiting with the doors open just for you by yourself.
18. In buildings where smoking is allowed, there will always be one person who insists on taking the last drag off the cigarette, putting it out, then waiting to exhale until the elevator door closes with you trapped inside.
19. If a child rides the elevator, they will have a balloon that just happens to be at your face level and there is no place to turn. Popping the balloon is a strong temptation.
20. You would still rather ride the elevator with people than take the stairs alone!
"God's control is so great that even the worst that wicked men can do will only serve to further His cause." - Dr. Drew Conley
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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