This next Monday is Memorial Day here in the good ole US of A. I thought I've post some fun facts about Americans that reported came originally from the Index of Harper's. The facts were collected over a period of time, and so some of the percentages may have changed since they were originally posted.

Facts about Americans

The average American spends 4.4 hours a day watching television; that is 1,595 hours per year.

The average American spends 17 minutes reading books each day; 27 minutes reading newspapers; and 14 minutes reading magazines.

There are almost 60 million pet cats in the U.S., and 53 million pet dogs.

21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.

Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.

40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.

3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.

13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring's homework.

91% of us lie regularly.

27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.

29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.

58% have called into work sick when we weren't.

10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.

90% believe in divine retribution.

45% believe in ghosts.

10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.

13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.

35% give to charity at least once a month.

69% eat the cake before the frosting.

When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.

85% of us will eat Spam this year.

70% of us drink orange juice daily.

22% of us skip lunch daily.

9% of us skip breakfast daily.

66% of us eat cereal regularly.

22% of all restaurant meals include French fries.

14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.

Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.

45% use mouthwash every day.

22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.

The typical shower is 101 degrees F.

Nearly 1/3 of U.S. women color their hair.

53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.

58% of women paint their nails regularly.

33% of women lie about their weight.

57% have had déjà vu.

49% believe in ESP.

44% have broken a bone.

Only 30% of us know our cholesterol level.

14% have attended a self-help meeting.

15% regularly go to a shrink.

78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.

30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.

54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.

23.5% admit they don't always flush.

39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet. 17% have been caught by the host.

81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants.

29% of us ignore RSVPs.

71% of us eavesdrop.

22% are functionally illiterate.

Less than 10% are trilingual.

20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.

40% of us have had music lessons.

44% reuse aluminum foil.

57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.

66% of women and 59% of men have used a mix to cook and taken credit for doing it from scratch.

16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary (mostly men).

59% of us say we're average-looking.

90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us.

28% of us have skinny-dipped.

51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity.

20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.

2 out of 5 have married their first love.

The biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money.

1 in 5 men proposed on his knees.

6% proposed over the phone.

71% can drive a stick-shift car. (I question that statistic!)

45% of us consistently follow the speed limit.

2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.

12% of men never use their car blinkers.

4 out of 5 sing in the car.

Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.

Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America does every drive-through ATM machine have braille.

Only in America all the back-pain relievers are on the bottom shelf.

Only in America does every single toaster have a setting so high it burns the toast to a terrible crisp which no decent human being would eat.

Our daughter Nora has started a cookie business from her home. Here's her business card:

Click on the card above or this link to see some of her delicious art!

Her card will always be available in the side bar of my blog and my wife's blog if you need it.

Many thanks to the brave men and women who have served this country in the military and especially to those who made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom by giving their lives. Let's keep our military in our prayers.

quotation...

"There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism. When I refer to hyphenated Americans, I do not refer to naturalized Americans. Some of the very best Americans I have ever known were naturalized Americans, Americans born abroad. But a hyphenated American is not an American at all…. The one absolutely certain way of bringing this nation to ruin, of preventing all possibility of its continuing to be a nation at all, would be to permit it to become a tangle of squabbling nationalities, an intricate knot of German-Americans, Irish-Americans, English-Americans, French-Americans, Scandinavian-Americans or Italian-Americans, each preserving its separate nationality, each at heart feeling more sympathy with Europeans of that nationality, than with the other citizens of the American Republic… There is no such thing as a hyphenated American who is a good American. The only man who is a good American is the man who is an American and nothing else." — Teddy Roosevelt

=^..^=
Rob

America is such a land of opportunity! Where else can a wife hire a woman to do her housework so she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child?

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My wife Becka sent me a link to The 50 Most Perfectly Timed Photos Ever (Not all of the pictures may be to your liking.) I'm wondering if it's not more a matter of camera angle than timing in at least some of those pictures. Many times things in our lives look a certain way because of how we're viewing them from our particular perspective, which may be faulty or limited.

Today's blog post is five stories which each highlight how one person's perspective makes things look quite different.

Two elderly sisters donated money to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to the Super Bowl! Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.

"I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!"

They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the first half. Then they enjoyed the halftime performance that followed.

Now it was time for the second half.... when the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.

"I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This is where we came in."

Stan was furious! He had just received a bill from the hospital for his recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist! He called the doctor's office to demand an explanation.

"Is this some kind of mistake?" Stan asked when he got the doctor on the phone.

"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.

"Well," said Stan, "that's an awful lot, just for knocking someone out."

"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free."

"Then, what..." Stan began.

"The $900," interrupted the doctor, "is for bringing you back around."

Grandma had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when she ended up in the hospital for observation after fainting (resulting in a bad fall).

By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress, especially, the mattress. Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" she demanded.

"If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that button."

"What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked.

"No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern replied.

"A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around here. If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall, she can get up and switch it on herself!"

Hugh came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him.

"What's the story this time. Hugh?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Hugh sighed and said, "Everything went wrong this morning. The wife decided to drive me to the harbor. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the ferry didn't turn up. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, ran over the mountain, borrowed a bicycle and cycled the 20 miles through the glen to this office."

"You'll have to do better than that. Hugh," replied the boss, disappointed. "No woman can be ready in ten minutes."

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai, trying to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Smith asks, "May I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."

Several people we know have lost sons in the last couple of days, in extremely different circumstances. From our human perspective, it's not possible to explain why things happened as they did. We may never receive answers to our many why's in this life, but we can trust the One for whom a million dollars is a penny and a million years is a minute.

quotation...

"Suffering moms have been the soil from which grows the Kingdom of God." — Drew Conley, this past Mother's Day in a message on Hannah, the mother of Samuel

=^..^=
Rob

The two rules for success are:
1. Never tell them everything you know.

Comments

• May 15, 2013, karen writes: Rob, These are excellent. Thanks for posting them. I copied and saved them because I write a bi-monthly Women of Grace newsletter for the ladies at my church.
• May 16, 2013, Carrie writes: My dad says something similar to the anesthesiologist in your story when he talks about his work.

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Here's one of those happy coincidences where two things are in perfect alignment to cause confusion.

Here are a couple of signs that were unfortunate mistakes made by the painters.

This next one makes me wonder if the person making the sign made the mistake or if it's the result of a mischief maker.

Even though we cannot read this next sign, it's fairly evident why it was placed there.

The next couple of signs are the cause of some head scratching, I'm sure.

With dollar stores being so popular, I'm not sure whether this next sign is for a dollar store or something else.

Was there a situation that occasioned this next sign?

Major needs are met in this place of business, but what are the poor minors to do?

Friday and Saturday last week, I had enough "pomp and circumstance" to last me for a while. Graduation at BJU was Friday afternoon, and then Saturday evening our son Mark graduated from Furman University with his Master of Arts in School Leadership. He was also inducted into the Kappa Delta Pi honors society. Later this month our grandson Drew will be graduating from Kindergarten. That ceremony will undoubtedly be shorter and more humorous.

Here's a picture of Mark with his diploma.

We're awfully proud of that young man!

I'm enjoying my first week of summer vacation as I get some much needed rest to try to get over the virus I had the last week of school. Becka had it too, and together we've gone through over 10 boxes of Kleenexes in two weeks!

quotation...

"Serving demands that we give ourselves to others in Christ's name. ... The most profoundly unhappy people on earth are those that are all self-centered and unwilling to do anything for anyone else." — Drew Conley

=^..^=
Rob

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Comments

• May 8, 2013, Vikki writes: Congrats to Mark! Everything is $.99 less & up? Well, I've got to say, that's inventive.
• May 8, 2013, Marilyn writes: Get well, soon. Both of you. And I hope you have been getting those tissues for a good price - 99c and up or down.
• May 11, 2013, Carrie writes: Congatulations to Mark! Wall licking? Why?!
• May 13, 2013, Jeremy Patterson writes: Congratulations to Mark!! I didn't know he was studying AND working full time. Perhaps you can convey my congratulations to him. Great signs this week! I too (almost) asked myself, "Wall-licking? Huh?" But then I very quickly remembered my three-year-old son, and the confusion dissipated. In the words of Dave Barry, I am not making this up.
• May 14, 2013, Ray writes: Maybe "LELT" is being given directions to the event he is attending(?).

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Yesterday, April 30, 2013, was the 20th birthday of the World Wide Web's going public. Since my day to post is Wednesdays, my birthday wishes had to be belated. I once asked in a store if they sold boxes of belated birthday cards.... Anyway, we're glad the WWW is here. Otherwise, we wouldn't be reading this right now.

Here's a picture of the first website (You can click on the picture to go to the actual site.)

It was certainly barebones compared to the graphics-rich content we're used to today. You can read about it on the main page of that site — http://info.cern.ch.

Today is the last day of final exams. This Friday afternoon is graduation at BJU, and then this weekend our son Mark will be graduating from Furman with his Master of Arts in School Leadership. We're proud of all his hard work that got him to this point, pretty much a course at a time evenings as a full-time teacher, husband, and dad. Having taken the same route myself, I know just how hard that is!

In honor of exams, I have a couple of jokes either about tests, intelligence, ... or the lack thereof.

A math professor was administering the final exam to his students.

He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the hour was over, the students all handed the tests back in.

The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "One dollar per point."

The next class period when the professor handed the tests back, that student got his test back, along with $62 change.

A rich blonde bought a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drove the car perfectly during the day, but at night, the car just wouldn't move at all. After trying for a week to drive the car at night, but without success, she furiously called the Jaguar dealership and they sent out a technician to her.

The technician examined the car and found nothing wrong with it. So he turned to the blonde and asked, "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"

Full of anger, the blonde replied, "You jerk! How on earth could you ask such a question? I'm not an idiot, you know! Of course, I'm using the right gears — I use D during the day and N at night!"

Two men flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a plane to take them into the Rockies for a week of hunting moose. They managed to bag six.

When they met at the plane to return, the pilot said he could take only four moose.

The two men objected strongly. "Last year we shot six." They said. "The pilot let us take them all, he had the same type plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot said okay and loaded six. The plane took off.

However, while attempting to cross the mountains, the plane went down. Somehow all three men survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage , one friend asked the other "Where are we?"

His friend replied, "I think we are pretty close to where we crashed last year."

You'll see from my sigline below that we have a new cat in our house. I'll copy what my wife wrote in her blog post about it at the end of last week.

Early this week I got a call from our vet, Dr. Carolyn Anderson from The Cat Clinic, telling us about a very sweet cat who was at the clinic and needed a good home. His former owner could no longer keep him and she was trying to find him a good home. Who could resist a come on like that? We went and met his owner yesterday and were approved for adoption. We went by the clinic today and brought him home. He's about a year and a half old and is very inquisitive and friendly. Nora stopped by with one of the children she cares for and the kitty doesn't seem to be afraid of children, which was something we were concerned about. We have decided to call him Buddy. I'm sure you will be hearing much more about him in the future.

Here are a couple of pictures of our newest family member:

Buddy's fitting into our household wonderfully, and all three of us are content with our new status quo. Our grandson Ryan was here for a while Monday, and he and Buddy have hit it off well also.

quotation...

"Our children are the living messages we send into a time we shall not see." — Art Linkletter

=^..^=
Rob

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Comments

• May 1, 2013, Shannah writes: Hooray! Rob with no cats just didn't seem right. Welcome, Buddy!
• May 1, 2013, Vikki writes: I like the name Buddy. So much better than his original name! If I remember right, it was Laptop. The Loach home is once again a happy one with pet hair :)
• May 1, 2013, Katie writes: What a lovely new addition to your family. I'm glad he's getting along nicely with everyone. And congratulations to Mark!
• May 1, 2013, Donna writes: Found in my research for my web applications class this semester that the first message sent over the internet happened when I was a month old! So I am the same age as the Internet. :-) (Won't say what year it was, but it was the same summer as the moon landing and the opening of the Wilds! Lots of cool things happened that summer ...)
• May 1, 2013, Vikki writes: When we first got online, we used Prodigy and there weren't search engines to help. You had to know the numerical address to get to a site and the sites were few and far between. We did have fun looking at the weather site as it wrote to the screen little by little. Things have come a long way since then. By the way, as of next month, Apple said that the original iPhone will be officially obsolete. Remember the long lines people stood in to get that first phone?
• May 1, 2013, Rachel Brown writes: Wow, I did not know that about the internet. In 1993, I was two. And congrats on your new kitty =) I miss cats... but I get to see mine when I'm home in less than two weeks.
• May 14, 2013, Carrie writes: I love the story about the professor giving the student change! Glad you're happy with your new kitty.

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We're in that happy time of year with its characteristic "roller coaster weather." On my drive to school yesterday morning, I must have been quite a sight. I was wearing sunglasses because the sun was so bright and gloves because the steering wheel was so cold. Both were easily visible to other drivers. Then on the way home yesterday afternoon, I had the AC on in my pickup. Since I have planted some things in my garden, I'm hoping that we are at least past the threat of frost or freeze. Ah, the viscissitudes of weather!

When I was in fifth and sixth grade, my math and spelling teacher Mrs. Byerly had some great ways to help us remember things. For instance, she taught us a little song that ended with the words "we will weather the weather, whether we like it or not!" I often think of that, not only in connection to the homonyms, but also in regards to the weather itself.

I never have trouble knowing whether it should be "ei" or "ie" because Mrs. Byerly taught us to remember lice. When a word contains either of those vowel combinations, the letter l will be followed by i and the letter c will be followed by e. Therefore the correct spellings will be believe, relief, receive, deceit, etc. Lice may seem like a lousy way to remember something, but it works! Great teacher, that Mrs. Byerly, that I still remember those things 50 years later!

Today's post is weather-related bits of humor ... whether you like it or not!

Farmer Brown: "Did you lose much in that last tornado?"

Farmer Jones: "Lost the henhouse and all the chickens. But that's okay, 'cause I ended up with three new cows and a pick-up truck."

Two Viking invaders are trudging up the beach in the pouring rain.

One looks skywards and says, "So this is England. What's the rest of it like?"

The other snarls, "Well, if you like the weather, you'll love the food."

Monday of this week was Earth Day. (How did I miss that?!) Someone sent me some pick up lines for Earth Day. Here are the best of the bunch.

I know a guy who has an obsession with wind farms. He's a huge fan of yours.

In the supermarket of beauty, you are the locally-grown organic arugula.

Your eyes shine like the energy efficient bulbs that power my turtle terrarium.

There are lots of jokes out there about weather forecasters and how often they're wrong. Here are several of them.

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the local newscast.

He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.

That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job.

One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."

It was the spotty track record of weather predictions that led to an entire genre of jokes about those who attempted to predict the weather, such as, "A weatherman and weatherwoman walk into a train. They didn't see that coming either."

Here's a sure-fire method for telling the weather....

To tell what the weather is like, put the dog outside. A few minutes later, go to your back door and look for the dog.

If the dog is wet, it's probably raining. If the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.

If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather whenever you want, you should leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect really harsh, life-threatening weather.

Sincerely,
The Cat

We are in our last week of classes for the semester and exams begin this Saturday. Busy time of year! Becka and I may be welcoming a new cat into our household later this week. More details as they are available....

quotation...

"Gas prices are expected to continue to rise throughout the summer, and oil companies say it's because of high demand due to warmer summer weather — as opposed to what they told us a couple of months ago, that oil prices went up because of higher demand for winter heating oil. So basically, if there's weather, gas prices go up." — Jay Leno

Rob

SAVE THE EARTH! It’s the only planet with chocolate and coffee!

Comments

• April 24, 2013, AJ writes: Lice may be a lousy....nice hidden pun! (louse-y) :)
• April 24, 2013, David writes: lice seems a lot easier to me than "i before e ..."
• April 24, 2013, Vikki writes: We were always taught to remember it by the ditty "i before e except after c" followed by "except in the case of this word, this word, this word, . . ." Ah, ya gotta love the English language! I feel sorry for someone coming to this country with only a rudimentary command of the language. How do they ever get to understand our idioms? Like the difference between "pretty awful" and awfully pretty".
• April 24, 2013, Jonathan writes: Economists are in the news for the purpose of making the Meteorologists look accurate.
• April 24, 2013, Vikki writes: Good one Jonathan!
• April 24, 2013, Anita writes: i before e, except after c, or when sounded like a as in neighbor and weigh :-)

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These are all pictures of the humor of two streets intersecting.

I'm told that the next four intersections are in Atlanta. They apparently had a shortage of names for streets there since so many seem to be variations on a theme.

I don't know what city the following is in, but it's a similar situation to the ones in Atlanta.

Here are a couple that would be just as confusing.

How would you react if someone said, "Hey, meet me at the corner of Stroke and Acoma"?!

The trauma at the next intersection is more emotional than physical.

Here are some intersections that sound much more pleasant than the last couple.

Trekkies will love this last one.

I look forward to the comments and more funny intersections my readers know about.

quotation...

"We don't do good works to gain the favor of God. We do good works because we have gained the favor of God." — Kerry McGonigal

Rob

I was going to eat more natural foods until I learned that most people die from natural causes!

Comments

• April 17, 2013, Tom writes: Or there is always this one. http://wolfpangloss.wordpress.com/2008/01/26/oh-what-a-sign-clinton-or-prosperity/
• April 17, 2013, Donna writes: This is not an intersection, but the street sign always makes me smile. As you wind your way up the mountain to the Wilds, you pass a street named "Hard to Find Drive".
• April 17, 2013, Dahv writes: Are those angel cats at the end there? :)
• April 17, 2013, Vikki writes: How about right here in Greenville where Roper Mountain Rd intersects Roper Mountain Rd?
• April 17, 2013, Barbara H. writes: I had a picture of one that Star Trek fans would appreciate: The street sign said "Borg" (the "Resistance is futile" scourge of the universe) and underneath was a "Dead End" sign. :-)
• April 17, 2013, Carrie writes: I think someone had fun naming those streets!
• April 18, 2013, Gayle writes: Years ago I heard this joke: A man and wife are walking down the street and the woman gets hit and injured by a car. The man calls 911 for help. The operator says "can you give me your location?". The man answers "we're at the corner of Chrysanthemum and Hyacinth.". The 911 operator (who is a little slow) says, "please spell that". There is silence for a little bit from the man and they he says "um, just a minute and I'll drag her down to the corner of Elm and Oak". :)
• April 19, 2013, Sarah writes: If you like towns with multiple versions of the same name, you should check out the hamlet/city of Sherwood Park. We have 4 variations of the name Lilac, 10 of Nottingham, and 18 of Foxboro, among others. For example, there is: Foxboro Court, Foxboro Place, Bay, Drive, Close, Landing, Pointe, Terrace, Circle, Way, Grove, Link, Cove, Crescent, Loop, Lane, Road and Run. Navigation is impossible without Google maps. I think the city planners were having too much fun with their thesaurus...

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As I contemplated what to post this week, I thought about a picture a reader e-mailed me last week. The picture was of a van from Golden Corral that had been creatively wrapped.

Those two events — eating the wraps and receiving the picture — came together in my mind and resulted in this blog post. In my files I had some creative wraps of trucks and buses that I thought my readers would enjoy.

We have had some house guests from Germany recently, and we've all enjoyed our time together very much. Becka did a blog post about their visit, so I'll just share a link to it.

Quite a while back someone sent me pictures of some creative wrapping of trucks in Germany. Here they are will little comment. It would be distracting to be driving down the road and see some of these!

Here's what looks like a huge aquarium.

For book lovers....

Here are several trucks probably carrying the products shown on the outside.

This next one would definitely call for second looks!

For those of you who don't know German, this one basically says "going the wrong way?"

Here's a creative truck from the USA.

I'll end with a couple of neat wraps of buses. Here's one from a zoo.

Here's a wild one advertising "shark week" on the National Geographic channel. Here's the bus with the doors open.

Now here's the bus with the doors closed.

If you want to see some crazy, beautiful, interesting, etc. pictures, do an image search for "vehicle wrap".

quotation...

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and to discover the prisoner was you." — Corrie ten Boom

Rob

I can't remember the last time I was just kind of tired!

Comments

• April 11, 2013, Vikki writes: These are so cool! I especially like the one from the zoo :)

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As I "ruminated" about someone's thinking that a trash truck needed to be labeled "inedible," I realized that it had been a while since I had posted some signs. Not many have accumulated since my January 2 post, but here's what I've got.

Our house needs a sign like this next one.

While I admire the honesty of this next sign, I wish they'd give the exact location.

This next sign must be in front of an Asian market or restaurant.

What is wrong with this next sign?

This final sign would have been a good one for a post right before swimming pools are opened for the summer.

Thanks to those who help keep me supplied with material for blog posts!

One of my readers gave me an idea of something to do instead of deleting the final cat in my sigline. I've put all five housecats who have owned us, complete with halos, into my sigline below.

quotation...

"Personal suffering is a divine catalyst of personal holiness." — David Schindel

Rob

If vegetarians love animals so much, then why do they eat all their food?

Comments

• April 4, 2013, Deb Holman writes: Always enjoy your signs! I still, really need to share a sign with you from your hometown, that I think would bring a smile to you! I LOVE your signline!!!!! I actually thought of something similar! Our pets are in our hearts forever!!!!
• April 5, 2013, Rachel D. Brown writes: For that "No paking" sign, that would be either in Asia or in Boston =P
• April 8, 2013, Carrie writes: My husband and I laughed together about the mall maintenance. Too funny.

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A few weeks ago both my French 102 and my German 112 classes had a unit on food. In connection with that I shared two pictures with them. Here's the picture my French students enjoyed:

I had to help them a little since French pronunciation isn't always evident. The French word ail is pronounced in IPA symbols /aj/ (approximately like ah-yuh, with the yuh almost disappearing), and it means garlic in English.

Here's the picture my German students enjoyed:

The German was a little more obvious to my students since they had learned the German word Ei, meaning egg, and since the German letter combination ei is pronounced basically like the English word eye. (For those who don't read German, the the bottom line of the "text message" on the Eifon says "Call me.")

One of the neat features available on the newer iPhones and iPads is an app called Siri. According to Wikipedia, Siri is an intelligent personal assistant which uses a natural language user interface to answer questions, make recommendations, and perform actions. As I understand it, once you launch the app, you speak into the device and it does whatever you tell it to, that is, if it understands your manner of speaking. The first thing you see is something like this:

I found a couple of pictures online of what you can get Siri to do for you. Here's one.

Here's another one.

Now that would be handy! But then, I have apps that allow me to do the same thing with my fingers instead of my voice.

Earlier this week a reader sent me a funny picture of one user's exchange with Siri.

I found similar types of things online. From some of the pictures I found, I wondered if the user has to give Siri permission to use profanity or if that is just a regular "feature" of the app. Some of the language from Siri itself was quite strong!

Do any of you have funny stories to share of your experiences with Siri?

My wife Becka did a blog post last night about the loss of our cat Clementine this past weekend. Because of that, I have removed the final, lone cat from my sigline below.

Rob

Living better electronically!?

Comments

• March 27, 2013, Michael writes: The upgrade to iOS 6 gave me Siri on my iPad. I've tried to use the feature a couple times but have found it not as user-friendly as expected. I am a little concerned that some people are going to become dependent on Siri and will stop thinking about things that they need to think about.
• March 27, 2013, Barbara H. writes: I haven't heard any strong language from Siri. I wonder if it picks that up from its owner, if it reflects the kinds of things the user says? It is programmed with a lot of responses to "Will you marry me?" like "I am not capable of love" or "Let's just be friends" or "That is not covered in my licensing agreement." Or if you say "Tell me a joke" it says, "If I told you a joke in my language, I'd have to explain it." My son Jason can entertain himself for a long time asking Siri questions. :-) It's not so great on really being helpful, though.
• March 27, 2013, Jan writes: You don't have to publish this comment . . . We're "Almost Amish" when it comes to technology, but I chuckled when my cousin forwarded the following link to me. Because it's a commercial from France, I thought of you. http://www.flixxy.com/the-paperless-future-emma.htm I'm sorry to hear about your cats. We've lost some pets too, and it is tough. "Paulette"
• March 27, 2013, David Lowry writes: If I remember correctly, when Apple bought Siri they cleaned it up a bit before integrating it into iOS directly.
• March 27, 2013, Amoeba :) writes: Siri does not understand my dad's southern accent all the time...which can sometimes produce some funny texts.
• March 27, 2013, Steve Coon writes: I once asked Siri what it was that was distinctive about Free Will Baptists as opposed to other Baptist denominations. Her response was, "Humans have religion, I'm just silicon."
• March 30, 2013, bj writes: o o =^..^= =^..^= I am sorry about your cats. It is a very sad thing to lose such life long pets. I never met them but my heart hurts just the same. I thought maybe instead of the kitty disappearing from your sigline, you could remember them with halos. :-)

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The past several years I have had students who did not know how to tell time with an analog clock. You would have thought it looked like the one at the beginning of this post. They said that the reason they didn't know how to read an analog clock was that all the clocks in their homes and lives were digital. Since I believe that the ability to tell time by looking at the hands on the clock is a basic life skill, I made sure those students learned to do so. But I have to wonder why they hadn't been taught this somewhere in their schooling.

Earlier this week I received a classic that had been updated from the version I had in my files, and I decided that this would be this week's blog post.

History of Math Teaching in the US (since the 1950's)
attributed to several individuals

Recently a man purchased a burger at a fast food restaurant for $1.58. The girl at the counter took his two dollars as he dug in his pocket for change. He pulled out 8 cents and gave the coins to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, staring at the screen on her register. He sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her just to give him two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to his employee, she stood there and cried.

Why could something like this happen? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

Teaching Math in 1950's — A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?

Teaching Math in 1960's — A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970's — A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M". The set "C", the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" for profits?

Teaching Math in 1980's — A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990's — A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok.)

Teaching Math in 1996 — By laying off 40% of its loggers, a company improves its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock options at $80? Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because this encourages investment.

Teaching Math in 1997 — A company out-sources all of its loggers. The firm saves on benefits, and when demand for its product is down, the logging work force can easily be cut back. The average logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had three weeks vacation, a nice retirement plan and medical insurance. The contracted logger charges $50 an hour. Was outsourcing a good move?

Teaching Math in 1999 — A laid-off logger serving time in Folsom for going postal and doing some bad things is now being trained as a COBOL programmer in order to work on Y2K projects. What is the probability that the automatic cell doors will open on their own as of 00:01, 01/01/00?

Teaching Math in 2005 — Un leñador vende una carga de madera por $100. El costo de producción es.... Press one to hear the question in English.

Teaching Math in 2013 — Who cares, just steal the lumber from your rich neighbor's property. He doesn't deserve to have lumber when you don't and he won't have a gun to stop you anyway. Besides the Feds say it's OK anyway cuz it’s just redistributing the wealth.

Is the history true of the era/s in which you were learning math?

quotation...

"To know God is real life." — Art Nuernberg

=^..^=
Rob

86.3754% of all statistics are made up.

Comments

• March 20, 2013, Vikki writes: Love the clock! I remember when new math came on the scene and parent's couldn't help their grade school age kids with their math homework because of the crazy twist in the terms. If the old methods still work, why do they keep playing around with it? The same with reading. When I was a kid, memorization of words and not phonics was all the rage. Because of that I hated to read. I remember, even as a high schooler, having to ask my mother what a word was because I had no tools to sound it out. I finally learned phonics with my kids and found that I love to read! The last one for 2013 is the best! Happy First Day of Spring everyone :)
• March 20, 2013, karen writes: Great article! This "evolution" has also happened with student writing. I teach writing as a tutor and cannot believe the non-sentence, misspelled, non-punctuated, non-paragraphs that are pushed across my desk.
• March 20, 2013, Jonathan writes: Did you mean to ask if the history to true to the 'errors' in which we were learning math? LOL
• March 20, 2013, Carrie writes: I don't remember learning math (other than crying over long division), but I do know how to do it! I'm glad I taught math using curriculum that isn't blown about by every wind.
• March 20, 2013, Laura writes: All three of my children who have completed 1st grade have analog watches. I refuse to let them grow up not knowing how to tell time.

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Kids in some parts of the country will be sad to see the following.

Older folks all over the country might be relieved to see the following picture — a mechanic living in a nursing home. It's proof that you can still do many things that you love.

They keep making computers smaller all the time. I chuckled at the following comic strip.

Here's something else funny, related to eyes.

I hope my students don't find that item for sale anywhere!

I did show my students the following in class one day.

PBS has changed the timing of their "beg-a-thons." It appears that they are also changing their tactics.

One pop icon I haven't been able to get into is Angry Birds. Here's a picture of someone else who may not enjoy them either.

The food and beverage Nazis will love the following rendition of "death by French fries."

Here's another example of someone's playing with his food.

While on a KFC theme, I loved the following.

I'll end with something I enjoyed seeing again last night — the Bo-Jonic ads my friend Phil and I made for Gold Rush Daze. Here I am eating a "moistened" tot, thanks to Phil.

Thanks to those who send funny things my way. Always happy to share!

quotation...

"Modern technology has freed us from labor but ties up our minds." — Art Nuernberg

=^..^=
Rob

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Comments

• March 13, 2013, Katie writes: The commercials with you and Phil were my favorite part of Gold Rush Daze. lol
• March 19, 2013, ray writes: Sadly I get the Downton Abbey cartoon... nice. At McDonald's you are what you eat.
• March 20, 2013, Jason writes: Out of curiosity, is there any place on the interwebs where I could find those "spot a tot" videos?
• March 21, 2013, Rob writes: Jason, I'm sorry but those ads aren't available online anywhere that I know of. It probably has to do with copyright since they're spoofs of real ads. Thanks for asking. Hope all's well with you.

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The fairly standard definition of gossip is idle chatter or rumors about the personal or private affairs of others, ranging from important to trivial matters. The internet makes it possible to spread gossip widely in mere seconds. What used to take a long time to filter through to others can now be shared with a single click. But there are many who share or become party to such information online who have never thought twice about the fact that they could be gossiping.

The word gossip is used for both the (mis?)information shared and for the person sharing the tidbit. I read a good definition of a gossip — "A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage." I doubt that a gossip's intentions are always malicious, but much harm can and does come from the spreading of private information, even if it's true.

One of our quandaries today is the fact that many people are very forthcoming with their private information, posting it all over online. Is the sharing of information a person posts about himself or herself gossip? I even wonder at times as I listen to "the news" on TV or radio or read various print media if I actually need to know much of what's being reported. We don't live in the Information Age — we live in the WTMI (way too much information) Age! Do we simply know too much about others? And how much of what we know is factual?

There are websites, blogs, and social media groups where people delight in sharing information and misinformation about others, sometimes not being careful about the accuracy of what they're sharing and always giving a wider audience to something someone was unfortunate enough to say or post in the public or even private arena. Many disputes that used to be handled in private conference are now the fare of internet flame wars.

As I was thinking about this post, I found several good quotations about gossip:

"Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people." — attributed to both Socrates and Eleanor Roosevelt

"No one gossips about other people's secret virtues." — Bertrand Russell

"Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth." — Will Rogers

"For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases." Proverbs 16:20 (ESV)

"A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends." Proverbs 16:28 (ESV)

"Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not." 1 Timothy 5:13 (ESV)

The Bible says a lot about gossip and slander. In fact gossip and slander are listed along with murder in a list of grievous sins found in Romans 1:29-32. The objects of gossip would undoubtedly agree with that. Gossip, slander, whispering (whatever you call it) has the potential of ruining lives.

Just so this post isn't too heavy, I'll end with a good story about gossip.

Irene, the town gossip, and self appointed monitor of the community's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several neighbors did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member of the community, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old blue pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George, and several others, that anyone seeing it there would know exactly what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a few moments and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his blue pickup in front of Irene's house, walked home, and left it there ... all night!

I look forward to the comments on this post, particularly in regards to what we read and hear in social media and other media. I try to be overly careful about what I post on my blog or on Facebook (which isn't much at all). Confronting hi-tech gossips seems as fruitless as confronting Irene in the story above. What are your reactions to today's hi-tech gossip? Are there any solutions, other than unplugging completely?

=^..^=
Rob

Lead your life in such a way you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Comments

• March 6, 2013, Terry Egolf writes: "It's not gossip. It's the truth!"
• March 6, 2013, Nancy writes: We had a healthy discussion last Sunday morning on this very topic. We were studying the fourth chapter of 1 Thessalonians. Verses 11 and 12 in the Amplified Bible read like this: "To make it your ambition and definitely endeavor to live quietly and peacefully, to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we charged you, So that you may bear yourselves becomingly and be correct and honorable and command the respect of the outside world, being dependent on nobody [self-supporting] and having need of nothing." It was interesting to me that the twenty-somethings were more bothered by the libel/slander potential in virtual space than I expected. Good blog topic today. Thanks.
• March 6, 2013, Barbara H. writes: I don't think unplugging is the answer -- the technology isn't the problem, it just magnifies the problems of the heart. I think we just need to be careful to interact there as we should everywhere else, remembering to evaluate our communication by Biblical principles. There are Christian blogs I don't read and Christian forums I don't participate in any more because their sole purpose seems to be to talk about what everyone else is doing and whether it's right or wrong. I don't know if that's gossip per se -- I think sometimes we evaluate what others do in order to discern what we should do, and I struggle a lot with the line between discernment and criticism. But some of the folks on these sites set themselves up as prosecuting attorney, judge, and jury when they don't know all the facts, and I think they do great harm to the cause of Christ.
• March 6, 2013, Monique writes: I think the best reaction to a high-tech gossip is the same as to a traditional one--ignore them. If I must confront a gossip, I try to do it privately for a myriad of reasons. The same is true (even more so) for a high-tech gossip. Commenting on a gossipy FB post, even to refute the statement, just spreads the gossip further. Talking to the person face to face, making a phone call, or even a FB private message will usually stop a person who is unknowingly or foolishly spreading gossip while failing to aid one who is maliciously, wilfully spreading it.
• March 6, 2013, Kathie writes: For some reason this post reminds me of a HeeHaw song from my childhood: "Now, we're not ones to go 'round spreadin' rumors, Why, really we're just not the gossipy kind, No, you'll never hear one of us repeating gossip, So you'd better be sure and listen close the first time!" I'm sure the irony of this song is lost on many well-meaning folks! Thanks for your thought-provoking post, Kathie
• March 6, 2013, karen writes: My husband I have moved often. So when we go to a new church, it seems that there is always one lady who just has to sidle up to me and say, "Just so you know..." It's at that point I put my hand and say, "I'm hoping to get to know everyone on equal ground." Whew! That stops them from gossiping to me again. Gossip hurts the teller as much as the victim of the gossip.
• March 11, 2013, Nancy writes: I like the practical and biblical direction of this conversation. Just one more thought: while I don't think a full disengagement is appropriate for me, I do think that a digital fast has as much value for me as a food fast or comparable ways of stepping back to regain necessary balance and time alone with the Lord. Unplugging for a time seems like a wise addition to the formula for me, especially when I cannot think His thoughts in the midst of the noise.

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Do you ever have thoughts rattling around in your head, conflicting thoughts that seem hard to reconcile? I've had several such thoughts in recent days.

A couple Saturdays ago several of my colleagues and I traveled to Columbia, SC, to attend the annual conference of SCFLTA (South Carolina Foreign Language Teachers Association). The key note speaker challenged us to think of ways to meet our individual students' needs and desires as learners of foreign language. One of the slides in her PowerPoint had a poster something like this one:

She was trying to inspire us to hone our skills and to experiment with ways to encourage our students to be more engaged in the process of language learning.

It did get me to thinking about the immensity of what I'm trying to accomplish and how inadequate I sometimes feel as a teacher. Most of my days are filled with what seem like pretty ordinary tasks, some of which, honestly, I don't particularly enjoy, like paper grading. I tell my students it's what I do to get to be with them.

And yet as I am almost 3/4 of the way through my 40^th year of teaching , I am still eagerly trying to refine my methods and to use various technologies available today. We can now do things in class that were unimaginable at the beginning of teaching career to help my students get a better grasp on what they're trying to learn.

I was just telling one of my classes recently that if I could relive my life, I would want to do what I've done these last 40 years. In spite of all the work teaching requires, it has to be one of the most rewarding things one can do in life. It's been wonderful to be reconnected with so many of my "old" students through Facebook and to learn what they are doing with their lives. I love that I have been able to be a small part of their formative years.

One of those former students tagged me in a post on Facebook which featured the following picture:

The young lady who tagged me in that post was a former high school German student of mine who went on to teach high school German herself. Amazing stuff, isn't it?!

I am blessed and humbled to know that the Lord has used me in some way in the lives of some of my students. It is truly His doing, because I'm well aware of my limitations and weaknesses. It's definitely not my superpowers — it's His supernatural powers at work in, through, and in spite of me.

I love the following poem by Emily Dickinson. It helps me keep things in perspective when people tell me I have, or should have, superpowers.

I'm nobody! Who are you?

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us
Don't tell — they'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public — like a frog —
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

Whatever it is that the Lord has called and enabled you to do in life is the way you can best serve Him. Before you know it, if you haven't already done so, you will be looking at your fast approaching retirement. Life goes by so quickly. Make every day count, in whatever you've been tasked to do in life.

quotation...

"If an apple tree doesn't produce apples, something is bad wrong." — Ted Allston

=^..^=
Rob

2 teach is
2 touch lives
4 ever

Comments

• February 27, 2013, Jonathan writes: I never stopped learning after college. The last few years have taught me its even better to find someone to teach you as you learn.
• February 27, 2013, Marilyn writes: "How dreary to be somebody! How public — like a frog — To tell your name the livelong day To an admiring bog!" It's too late - I'm already on FB!
• March 4, 2013, Carrie writes: Your last paragraph was such a great reminder. It makes me think of a poem I love and posted on my blog here: http://mystreaminthedesert.blogspot.com/2008/05/my-prayer.html I would do well to think on it every day.

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Have you ever wondered what the conversation would be like if you could assemble all of our presidents, past and present, together in one place? The picture above is of the five living of our most recent presidents. I miss Reagan! Imagine the variety of opinions and philosophies just with those five alone!

Since this past Monday was Presidents' Day here in the USA, I thought I'd share some quotations I've assembled from some of our nations presidents. Some are humorous, but not all.

"Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder." — George Washington

"Washington, DC is 12 square miles bordered by reality." — Andrew Johnson

"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." — Gerald Ford

"An amazing invention — but who would ever want to use one?" — Rutherford B. Hayes, sharing his thoughts about the telephone

"Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter." — James Garfield

"I know only two tunes. One of them is 'Yankee Doodle' and the other isn't." — Ulysses Grant

"Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose." — Woodrow Wilson

"Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening." — Bill Clinton

"Politics makes me sick." — William Howard Taft

"Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies." — Thomas Jefferson

"Democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide." — John Adams

"Popularity, I have always thought, may aptly be compared to a coquette — the more you woo her, the more apt is she to elude your embrace." — John Tyler

"Blessed are the young, for they will inherit the national debt." — Herbert Hoover

"You lose." — Calvin Coolidge, after a woman told him she made a bet that she could get at least three words of conversation from him

"If we take the route of the permanent handout, the American character will itself be impoverished." — Richard Nixon

"If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog." — Harry Truman

"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." — John Kennedy

"In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress." — John Adams

"The time comes upon every public man when it is best for him to keep his lips closed." — Abraham Lincoln

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'present' or 'not guilty.'" — Theodore Roosevelt

"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency—even if I'm in a Cabinet meeting." — Ronald Reagan

"These stories about my intellectual capacity really get under my skin. You know, for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence Briefing.'" — George W. Bush

"Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president." — Barack Obama

"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'" — Ronald Reagan

I hope you enjoyed those. Have a great rest of the week!

quotation...

"God is the ultimate, infinite multitasker." — Ted Allston

=^..^=
Rob

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.

Comments

• February 20, 2013, Claude Wiggins writes: Rob, Thank you for your daily doses of IV Man. I enjoyed seeing the picture with today's post. It has been rare in our country's history to ever have five living presidents, much less have them all together in one room. However, for sake of historical accuracy, I do want to point out one inaccuracy. "The picture above is of our five most recent presidents." That is not true. It is true that the picture includes five living presidents. However, the five most recent presidents would be Reagan (1980-1988), Bush, Sr (1988-1992), Clinton (1992-2000), Bush (2000-2008), and Obama (2008-present). Carter (1976-1980) served prior to Reagan. Take care and keep up the good work. Claude Wiggins
• February 20, 2013, Valerie Coffman writes: "In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress." — John Adams There is nothing new under the sun. We hold our founding fathers in such high esteem, and yet even in their lifetimes Congress was evidently already useless!
• February 20, 2013, Rebekah writes: Great post! The photo, though, is not of the five most recent presidents. Reagan died before Obama took office, and the fifth president in your photo is Jimmy Carter.
• February 20, 2013, Michael writes: If I may offer a small correction. The picture at the beginning is of the five living presidents not most recent. Reagan served after Carter.
• February 20, 2013, Carrie writes: These are great! I do love Ronald Reagan quotes. He was such a funny man.
• February 20, 2013, Rob writes: Thanks to my sharp readers, I have corrected the info under the picture at the beginning of this post. That should teach me not to work on my post early in the morning, after my proofreader "ivwoman" has already signed off on it.
• February 20, 2013, Ellen writes: Many of these made me laugh, but my favorite quote was the last one by Ronald Reagan.

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Some of my younger readers may not recognize what the two items above have to do with each other. Sometimes the best way to rewind a cassette tape was with a wooden pencil which fit perfectly into those little holes.

I received a fun e-mail a while back that reminded me of all sorts of items from my youth. I thought it would be fun to reconstruct that e-mail in today's blog post, with several twists of my own.

You older folks will recognize the following item, no doubt.

That is an adapter to play 45 r.p.m. records on a record player.

Remember big, clunky reel-to-reel tape recorders?

Remember Brownie cameras?

And flash bulbs?

Much less "hi-tech" is this aluminum ice cube tray.

A homemaker's work was made much easier with a wringer washing machine like this one.

Her life was also improved by door-to-door salespeople whose products were just what she needed, like the Fuller brushes.

Or ... Ding Dong! Avon Calling!

If you couldn't afford Avon, there was always Evening in Paris for her...

...and Aqua Velva for him.

Several other products for his grooming were Brylcreem ... a little dab'll do you!

or Vitalis ... to avoid "greasy kid's stuff!"

TV was still in its infancy during my childhood. Much of the day all we saw was a test pattern like the one below.

When the test pattern was gone, we had great shows like Sky King.

And Ed Sullivan with his little friend Topo Gigio.

In retrospect, the commercials were really bizarre back then, unlike those of today. Remember Speedy Alka Selzer?

Remember the ads for Jiffy Pop? You just had to try it out for yourself!

TV commercials got us kids to beg our parents to buy us some neat toys for Christmas. For the girls there was Chatty Cathy.

One of my personal favorites was American bricks. I wish I had saved mine. Any of you other guys play with those?

There was also the very popular cork pop gun.

This next item was essential for one of our childhood toys.

That's the key we used to tighten our sidewalk roller skates to our shoes.

If our toys were a little dangerous, at least children's lives were made safer with fire escape tubes at school.

Christmas time for many included an aluminum Christmas tree with a revolving color wheel.

If only I could recover all the time my sister and I wasted lying on the living room floor watching the tree change colors!

Christmas time also included ribbon candy.

The rest of the year we actually had for real "penny candy."

And kids would make endlessly long chains with gum wrappers.

But gum was cheap back then, as were many other things. Here are several things we could buy for 5¢.

You could buy gum with baseball cards in the pack for 5¢ back then!

You could send a letter first class for 5¢.

And gasoline was only 25¢ a gallon!

You could get a hamburger at McDonald's for 15¢.

We didn't have drive-thru restaurants back then. We had drive-in restaurants.

Orders were taken and food was delivered by car hops on roller skates.

The drive-in restaurant with car hops on skates is actually making a come back today, like at Sonic.

I hope this has been a fun history lesson for my young readers and a nice nostalgia break from "grown-up life" for those of you closer to my age.

It's fun to reminisce, but quite frankly I like living in our current era, even with all of its problems and frustrations.

quotation...

"Holy doesn't mean holier than thou. Holy means character like Jesus." — Drew Conley

=^..^=
Rob

Nostalgia isn't what is used to be.

Comments

• February 13, 2013, Michael writes: Why was there an Indian chief on the TV test pattern? It might be nice to have a post in the future about fads of the past. That might not be the right term for them, but I'm thinking of things like eight track tapes and beta video tapes.
• February 13, 2013, David writes: Here are a couple Alka Seltzer commercials: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTT1TSdWjkQ Coke stayed the same price for over 70 years. It's a bit of an economic puzzle and a very fascinating story. The NPR report was very good. http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/the_undercover_economist/2007/05/the_mystery_of_the_5cent_cocacola.html http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2012/11/15/165143816/why-coke-cost-a-nickel-for-70-years
• February 13, 2013, karen writes: Thanks for the memories. The only one I don't remember is the plastic building set. Great pics! Great memories!
• February 13, 2013, Diane writes: Enjoyed this...so many memories. Life was so much simpler, wasn't it? Or, maybe it was because I was a child without responsibilities... ;)
• February 14, 2013, Emily writes: After reading this blog article yesterday, I happened to watch a re-run of a futuristic TV show I've seen several times before. For a brief moment they showed a screen with that television test pattern inage. I had never before noticed, nor would I have gotten the joke! :-D Thanks for all the fun information you provide, Mr. IVMan!!
• February 15, 2013, bj writes: WOW! I am only 36, but I remember a lot of these! I don't remember the test screen, but I do remember getting our first color tv. We used a wringer washer. I made lots of gum wrapper chains, competing with my brother for longest chain. We played with pop guns, and rubber band guns, I had some skates requiring a key, then I got some that were new, and just snapped over my shoes.:-) We had one of those ice trays, and though I can't remember how well it worked, I think the idea is great! our local general store had penny candy and one store near where I lived in Cecil, Alabama even had sodas in glass bottles, sold out of wooden barrels filled with ice, for only .15 or a quarter. Not sure which. This store was even featured in an old Christmas special. I still have the family brownie camera. I lived near a McDonald's that looked just like that, without the cool cars. My mom's favorite candy was the ribbon candy. The real kind that was almost paper thin. When I was 5, I remember spending many an afternoon helping sort and stuff into bags the Avon order, then I got to help deliver them door to door. Okay, I will stop now. I am feeling very old....
• February 19, 2013, Ray writes: When I was a kid... we occasionally had a 16mm film in the church I grew up in - they were rented and mailed around as they were more expensive than a DVD to own. I was reminded of that with the reel to reel recorder - which is what my parent's wedding was recorded on. There used to be Lionel trains, Erector sets, and Old Spice aftershave. Other items from the past can be found in the Vermont Country Store.

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On Monday of this week, both my second semester French students and second semester German students had a test that included the names of items of clothing and of colors. I enjoyed sharing with them a picture I had seen a while back on how women and men perceive colors differently. I don't endorse everything on the site this came from, but this one was worth sharing.

I also saw another picture that brought a smile to my face.

Now on to three jokes that highlight how males and females don't always see eye to eye.

I have changed my system for labelling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say — "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful female French Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy German Shepherd speaks up quickly and says "Ach, I love liver and cheese!"

"How childish!" said the poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She then turns to the equally sturdy English Bulldog. He blurts out, "I say, I LOATHE liver and cheese!"

"My, oh my!" says the poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the German Shepherd's sentence!"

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature, is none other than the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, and quickly turns to the two much larger dogs and says, "Liver alone! Cheese mine!"

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after one year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question — What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody — the princess, the ladies of the court, wise men, people on the street, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old hag in the nearby village — only she would know the answer. But the price would be high — the hag was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the old hag. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first — she wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified! She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to his friend Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the old hag answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants is to have her own way, to be in charge of her own life.

Upon hearing her reply, everyone instantly knew that the old hag had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would indeed be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the old hag had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old hag put her worst manners on display and generally made everyone extremely uncomfortable.

The honeymoon hour approached. Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen sat before him! The astounded Gawain asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd appeared as a old hag, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self half the time, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.

Which would he want her to be during the day, and which during the night?

What a cruel question! Gawain pondered his predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old hag? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous old hag, but by night a beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many tender moments?

What would you do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.

*

*

*

*

*

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful *all* the time because he had respected her enough to let her decide for herself.

What is the moral of this story?

The moral of the story is...

*

*

*

*

*

...if a woman doesn't get her own way, things could get ugly!

I hope something in this post made you smile or even laugh.

quotation...

"None of us sin because we think sin is going to make us miserable." — Drew Conley

=^..^=
Rob

All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen of England.

Comments

• February 6, 2013, Michael writes: The color chart at the beginning was spot on.
• February 11, 2013, Marilyn writes: Oh - that Gawain is a Wise One!

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As I scanned through my file of headlines, I noticed that quite a few showed the need for proofreaders with some mathematical expertise.

For this first one, just the ability to count would have sufficed.

The next several headlines show a lack of some other fundamental principles.

This next one shows that the writer didn't think like a mathematician would in considering how the line would read.

This one, though math related, is really a matter of spelling. I must say that the misspelling does make it read quite differently.

I wonder if this writer realizes how many years ago the Civil War took place.

As a transition into the next group of headlines, this next one shows how the "fuzzy math" of politicians is starting to affect the public.

I don't know if politicians or the media are to blame for this next one.

Here are several that show some keen political insights on the poor among us.

Speaking of meetings ... or should I say meatings....

Maybe that atrocity is because of the following?

The PETA lunch would be better than the following announced luncheon.

If they can't speak safely in regards to mathematical or socio-political issues, at least they can do so concerning the weather.

Well, after that last one, I take back what I said about and issue the news can address safely....

quotation...

"Avoid the places and the people that put you at risk." — Drew Conley

=^..^=
Rob

If a man sees two sides of a problem, he doesn't have money invested in it.

Comments

• January 30, 2013, Sarah writes: Good try on the speculation that Black Angus meat is popular because cows are losing their jobs due to a drop in milk prices ... but probably not. Milk cow breeds are usually Holstein, Jersey, Guernsey or Ayrshire. Beef breeds are along the lines of Longhorn, Whiteface (Hereford), Black or Red Angus, Charolais, etc., and usually don't produce milk in quantities sufficient to be "employed" for dairy production; just enough to feed their own babies. I have heard from an independent butcher that since Angus meat can generate a higher price per pound, some farmers bring him cows of other breeds (even culled dairy animals, whose meat is usually tougher than that of animals raised for beef) and ask him to butcher and package it as "Angus." Thankfully, he refuses; but it may be that not all that is sold as Angus beef really is.
• January 31, 2013, ray writes: The Baltimore Police are either really tall or have many legs - I can't discern solely from the headline... I wonder if Richard Guess considers himself to be a taxpayer.

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These will be presented in chronological order since no other logical order of presenting them comes to mind. Several of these are fascinating, and at least one is hysterical as well as historical. You decide.

The only known photograph of an African American Union soldier with his family. ca 1863-65

A Native American looks down at a newly-completed section of the transcontinental railroad. Nevada, about 1868

The first official riders in New York City’s first subway, 1904

Here are 9 kings featured in one photo (Windsor Castle, 20 May 1910)

Russian peasants getting electricity for the first time in 1920

Cow shoes used by moonshiners in the Prohibition days to disguise their footprints, 1922

Alerted by the smell of a broken bottle of liquor, Federal Agents inspect a "lumber truck". Los Angeles, 1926

The headquarters of Benito Mussolini and the Italian Fascist party in Italy, 1934

The Kennedy trio in the mid 30s as teenagers — John, Bobby, and Teddy.

Jewish refugees, approaching Allied soldiers, become aware that they have just been liberated. April, 1945

A Japanese family returning home to Seattle, WA, from a relocation center camp in Hunt, Idaho, on May 10, 1945

Martin Luther King Jr. removing a burned cross from his front yard with his son at his side. Atlanta, GA, 1960

Louis Armstrong plays for his wife in front of the Sphinx by the pyramids in Giza, 1961

After realizing a woman was running in the Boston marathon, organizer Jock Semple went after Kathrine Switzer. Other runners blocked him and she went on to finish the race. 1967

Johnny Cash performing for prisoners at Folsom Prison, Jan. 13, 1968

Microsoft staff photo from December 7, 1978

Last evening Becka and I went to a dinner at our church for the "Power Company," our church's senior citizens' ministry. We like to do this occasionally to see what things will be like when we get old. After tonight's dinner, we were treated to a shortened version of Jeremiah Dew's "One Voice" presentation. It's a one-man show in which Jeremiah plays the parts of various historical characters. His current presentation is a journey through the African-American experience. For us he portrayed Frederick Douglass, Martin Luther King, and Bill Cosby. Through his tremendous abilities, he caused us not only to think and shake our heads in dismay, but also even to laugh. Here's a picture I found on one school's website about his one-man show.

quotation...

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't." — Richard Bach

=^..^=
Rob

I don't have a solution, but I do admire your problem.

Comments

• January 23, 2013, J. Sheets writes: Yay for some history!! The photo of the liberated Jews reminded me of one I saw at work last week--two U.S. soldiers pulling the ONE surviving man from a cattle car full of men. No words for the look on the survivor's face. He was looking at the soldier to his left, who with one hand was helping him down and with the other was giving him a "you're ok" pat on the arm. What a moment to have captured.
• January 25, 2013, Carrie writes: I enjoyed this very much. When things look dark, we have only to look at history to realize how very light it truly is. I think the hysterical picture was the one of the Microsoft hippies, right?
• January 26, 2013, Richard Parker writes: Jews coming off train at liberation. I think the caption is wrong. Well fed, well clothed, relatively clean, and no Star of David that I could see. Not conclusive, but they look much more like German refugees from the east in April of 1945 smiling for a German photographer. (Pretty much only the Germans were well-fed and well-clothed in April of 1945. The German government looted ruthlessly from everyone else in Europe all through the war to keep their own people well-fed, fashionable, and warm. As they entered Germany, American and English solders often commented on how comfortable the civilian Germans looked at the end of the war.) If I missed a Star of David in the pic, then the photo is as stated but still odd: Who are these people? They would not be Jews on a standard Nazi transport.
• February 5, 2013, Srinivas writes: Elecricity came into my father's house somewhere in 1940s. This was in a small town of India. They fitted a 40W bulb in the hall and it seems his grandmother, with a cataract eye, went on to "'de-stone' the rice", all the while saying it is bright as day light. Much the same way I felt when I came to US and used the 20MBPS internet !!! In the olden days, rice was adulterated with small gravel also known as stones. Women used to winnow / chaff it off to 'de-stone' the rice before cooking it.

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We loved raising our three children. It was not without its interesting and tense moments, but overall, it was a wonderful experience with tons of great memories and stories. Here's a picture of our three adult children — not in birth order, but from left to right — Nora, Mark, and Megan.

We enjoy the adults our children have grown up to become and treasure our interactions with each of them and their families. This is most definitely a neat stage of life.

Here are our three grandchildren — at the time of the picture, Drew 5, Ryan 20 months, and Maddie 10 months.

We are loving being grandparents too. As much as we enjoyed our children's childhoods, we enjoy the grandkids in ways that we couldn't enjoy our kids when they were little. Part of it is seeing how much our kids enjoy their kids, just as we did. We're looking forward to meeting a new grandchild in July when Mark and Katie's baby is born.

Today's post is some jokes I received just this week about grandparents and grandkids. The e-mail came at just the right time. I hope the jokes and stories about other people's grandparenting will give you some smiles and laughs.

She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before.

After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's laptop. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."

"Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said... "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es.'"

Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."

A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck.."

A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

I'll end with two more pictures. Here's our whole family together.

And here's a picture of Becka and me with our grands.

I look forward to my readers' thoughts in the comments on the special relationships of grandparents and grandchildren.

quotation...

"Allow God to establish what is good for us." — Chris Barney

=^..^=
Rob

Today is the last day of your life, so far.

Comments

• January 16, 2013, Laura B. writes: Wow, your grandkids have been growing fast! Seems like Ryan was just born, and he's already over 1 1/2! And Mark looks just like you. Thanks for the updates on everybody. It's going to be awhile before I ever get to the grandparent stage, but I already have the script that my grandparents used memorized: "Wind 'em up & send 'em home." My favorite part of visiting grandparents was the never-ending cookie supply . . . there were three crockery jars, always full. One of those jars now sits on my kitchen table (sorry kids, there are still just nuts in there . . . you have to marry & have grandkids before I substitute cookies!)
• January 16, 2013, Zina Paul writes: Enjoyed seeing the pictures of your family! All 3 grands are so cute! Please tell Becka I said hi.
• January 16, 2013, Michael writes: First, it's a shame that your grandson is allowed to be a Tom Brady fan. Second, it is neat to see your parents become grandparents and to see they joy they take in interacting with their grandchildren. I've been surprised at how excited and involved my parents have been with my son. I've been surprised at how lenient and kind my mother has been to my son when she wasn't always that way with me. It was also neat to have my wife's parents stay with us during Christmas. I think my son finally gets it now that the people we talk to on Skype every Sunday are real people and they're the same people who were with us at Christmas. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if he thought they lived at the airport.
• January 16, 2013, Gaye Wynn writes: Another grandparent would appreciate this: when my daughter-in-law asked her two-year-old daughter what her favorite color was, she replied, "Grandma." You have to love that! :)
• January 17, 2013, Gayle writes: Last year when our granddaughter turned two, she would answer the question "How old are you?" with the answer "two much". We got a lot of laughs with this, she really is "TOO much".
• January 17, 2013, Marilyn writes: Here's one that sure warmed my heart. My granddaughter (age 5) said, "Grandma, you are my BFF."

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Since today is our first day of classes for second semester, I thought I'd post something about teaching. Every one in my immediate family has been in a teaching role or is currently a teacher, and so this list is especially funny to us. I found quite a few versions of this online with minor differences, and some were attributed to Jeff Foxworthy. Even if you're not at teacher, I hope this will bring some smiles or laughs.

How do you know you are a teacher?

You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.

You get a secret thrill out of laminating something.

You walk into a store and hear the words, "It's Ms/Mr.________!" and know you have been spotted.

You have 25 people that accidentally call you Mom or Dad at one time or another.

You can eat a multi-course meal in under twenty-five minutes.

You've trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day: lunch and prep period.

You start saving other people's trash because, most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom.

You believe the teachers' lounge should be equipped with a Tylenol machine.

You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3 and have summers off."

You believe chocolate is a food group.

You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."

When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

You can't pass the school supply aisle without getting at least five items!

You ask your friends if the left hand turn he just made was a "good choice or a bad choice."

You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.

You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer.

You understand instantaneously why a child behaves a certain way after meeting his or her parents.

Teaching on the college level is significantly different, but I'm still able to identify with quite a few of those!

quotation...

"Our trust can never outrun God's provision." — Chris Barney

=^..^=
Rob

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.

Comments

• January 9, 2013, Michael writes: I'm not sure how to phrase this in a pithy way, but I have to be careful of using "teacher voice", as my wife calls it, outside of school.
• January 10, 2013, Carrie writes: I love it! This list brings back memories. I remember when one of my students was quietly misbehaving while I was writing on the board and I called his name. I turned around to a roomful of shock and awe. :o)

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