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Five Short Jokes

This week's post is five short jokes that I hope will give you a little break for smiling and/or laughing. Here goes....

My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So, when an advertising company offered to put my father's business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance.

A full year went by before he got a call that could be traced to those placards.

"Richard Larson, CPA?" the caller asked.

"That's right," my excited father answered. "May I help you?"

"Yes," the voice said. "One of your shopping carts is in my yard, and I want you to come and get it."


One day, at the dry-cleaning shop of a local Air Force Base, a young airman described in great detail how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed. When he finished, the counter clerk asked, "Are you getting an award, or do you have an important military function to attend?"

"Nothing like that," the airman said. "I'm going home on leave, and my little brother is taking me to his second-grade class for show-and-tell."


Some families always name their cars. My family has a tradition of naming the cruise control on our cars. We were used to hearing my father proclaim, "Take it, Max," as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our station wagon. Recently, I was traveling with my mother and a friend in my new car when we hit a wide open expanse of highway.

I leaned back and said, "I think I'll let Tom drive for a while."

"Tom who"? my friend asked.

My mother translated for me, "Tom Cruise, of course."


While making rounds, a doctor pointed out an X-ray to a group of medical students.

"As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?"

"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."


My mother was holding on to a pole while riding a bus. She noticed that a young man, who was holding on to the same pole, was staring at her. Eventually he said, "Excuse me. This is my stop."

Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused. "Well," she said, "Go ahead."

"And this is my pole," he said.

My mother was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain." And with that, he picked up his pole and carried it off the bus.


personal update...

A week and a half ago, my wife Becka and I returned from what we call our "adventure." Since we had never been further west than St. Louis, we decided to use part of my 30-year bonus to see some friends in Colorado and Arizona and take in the Grand Canyon and some other beautiful scenery in those states. Since Becka is going to be blogging about various stages of our trip, I won't reinvent the wheel on my blog. If you'd like to see her first two posts about our trip, you can check out her posts so far:



She's breaking down our adventure into small stages, so I'll continue to post links to her latest posts in the weeks to come.


"The real liturgy is the life you're living." — Drew Conley


Grandparents are so easy to operate even a child can do it.

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