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Funny Quotations about Taxes

picture of tax burden

April is the month when the thoughts of many Americans go to taxes. In honor of taxes being due in the next few days, I am posting a collection of funny quotations about taxes, some anonymous, others attributed. If you know the attribution for any that I don't, please let me know and I'll update the post. I did a lot of searching already, but it was becoming too taxing for me....

America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation. (Laurence Peter)

I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is — I could be just as proud for half the money. (Arthur Godfrey)

This is the season of the year when we discover that we owe most of our success to Uncle Sam. (The Wall Street Journal)

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta. (Dave Barry)

There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won't cure. (Dan Bennett)

I was making a speech on the Senate floor and I said, 'Now, ladies and gentlemen, let me tax your memories.' And Kennedy jumped up and said, 'Why haven't we thought of that before?'" (Bob Dole)

If the Lord had meant us to pay income taxes, he'd have made us smart enough to prepare the return. (Kirk Kirkpatrick)

The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.

Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of May Day! (Robert Knauerhase)

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. (Henry Louis Mencken)

This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher. (Albert Einstein, on filing tax returns)

The point to remember is that what the government gives it must first take away. (John S. Coleman, address to the Detroit Chamber of Commerce, 1956)

Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay. (Milton Friedman)

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward. (John Maynard Keynes)

Ever wonder why the IRS calls it the 1040 form? Because for every $50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

Our forefathers made one mistake. What they should have fought for was representation without taxation. (Fletcher Knebel)

The politician's promises of yesterday are the taxes of today. (W. L. Mackenzie King)

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. (Herman Wouk)

In the end, when you're dealing with tax laws, the pigs get fatter and the hogs get slaughtered. (Gene Gavin)

Death and taxes are both certain ... but death isn't annual.

People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.

My uncle claims that if he files his income tax wrong he'll go to jail, and if he files it right he'll go to the poor house. (Nonnee Coan)

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you 30 cents? (Peg Bracken)

There is a difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist — the taxidermist leaves the hide. (Mortimer Caplan)

Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.

A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right.

On my income tax 1040 it says "Check this box if you are blind." I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. (Tom Lehrer)

There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer space program: your tax dollars will go farther. (Wernher Von Braun)

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. (Herbert Hoover)

A dollar saved is bound to be taxed.

The tax collector must love poor people — he's creating so many of them. (Bill Vaughan)

The thing generally raised on city land is taxes. (Charles Dudley Warner)

I put all my money into taxes. They're the only thing that's sure to go up.

The power to tax is the power to destroy. (John Marshall)

A fool and his money are soon parted. The rest of us wait for tax time.

The politicians say "we" can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians. (Steve Forbes)

It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required.

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income tax form than it does to make the income. (Alfred E. Neuman)

Did you ever notice that when you put the words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS?

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. (G. Gordon Liddy)

It's about ten times the size of the Bible — and unlike the Bible, contains no good news. (Don Nickles, about the Internal Revenue Code)

I don't know if I can live on my income or not — the government won't let me try it. (Bob Thaves, "Frank & Ernest")

A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it.


Becka and Megan both have some nice blog posts about Nora's wedding and our new grandson Ryan. Rather than reinventing the wheel, I'll just point you to Becka's blog [1] and The Happy Little Hawkins Family [2]. One of Megan's posts has a short video of our grandson Drew as a bell ringer in Nora's wedding. Becka is planning at least one more post on the wedding, so check back on both blogs in a few days.

I hope you enjoyed at least one of the quotations today. Do you have your taxes done? I will by the end of the day.... 🙂


"The life the Bible talks about is life given, not earned." — Drew Conley

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The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes.