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If These Kitchen Walls Could Talk…

Do you have any signs on the walls of your kitchen? I've noticed that many people I know have either funny or thought-provoking signs in their kitchens. Being a lover of funny signs, I especially appreciate the ones that are humorous.

Our kitchen has several signs. The first two are pretty ones that a friend gave us knowing our love of French and France. Here they are.

The other sign is great, and I'm hoping most people read it so quickly that they don't notice the misspelled word.

You may not have spotted the misspelling as a French teacher would ... chauffeur, if you please!

I found pictures of this next one in all kinds of formats when I did a Google image search.

I even found that sign done in a vinyl decal!

Speaking of vinyl decals for kitchens, I especially like this one.

Below is a list of sayings from various kitchen signs.

Kitchen closed — this chick has had it!

Martha Stewart doesn't live here!

I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too!

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!

Ring Bell for Maid Service. If no answer do it yourself!

I clean house every other day. Today is the other day!

If you write in the dust, please don't date it!

I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!

My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

A clean kitchen is the sign of a misspent life.


I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

If you don't like my standards of cooking, lower your standards.

Apology ... Although you'll find our house a mess, come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse.

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump.

I Kiss Better Than I Cook

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

Housework done properly can kill you.

Normal around here is just a setting on the dryer.

Dull women have immaculate houses.

Emergency Numbers:
Pizza - - - - 555-9852
Chinese - - - 555-7768
Deli - - - - - 555-0274
Grandma - - - 555-4761


Do you have a great kitchen sign saying you'd like to include in the comments or do you have a favorite from the ones above?


"If everyone is special, then no one is." — David McCullough Jr. (in his recent commencement address at Wellesley High School)

=^..^= =^..^=

My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines and a large trash can.

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17 Comments on “If These Kitchen Walls Could Talk…”

  1. #1 Rela Biagiotti
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt!

  2. #2 Robin
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 9:23 am

    one that was especially appropriate in our house: “Dinner will be served when the smoke alarm goes off.”

  3. #3 Beth
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Make yourself at home, clean my kitchen! 🙂

  4. #4 Valerie Coffman
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 9:37 am

    We have a sign in our kitchen, picturing a chicken, that reads, “No fowl moods.”

  5. #5 Dan Olinger
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 10:03 am

    “Marry a good cook. Kissin’ don’t last; cookin’ do.”

  6. #6 Tony
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 10:08 am

    “Eat, drink, and be merry; for tomorrow we diet”

  7. #7 Abby
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 10:36 am

    My grandmother has a sign in her kitchen that reads: “I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.” (Pardon the misplaced “only.”)

  8. #8 Diane
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 11:05 am

    The “everyone is special” quote is actually from a Pixar movie called, “The Incredibles.” 😉

  9. #9 Rob
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Diane, either we have a high school English teacher plagiarizing, or he used something from an animated movie to get/keep the students’ attention. The kerfluffle about his speech has been all over the news here.

  10. #10 todd
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    “If you’re smoking in my kitchen, you’d better be on fire!”

    “Ask not what your mother can do for you, but what you can do for your mother”

  11. #11 JoAnne
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    I used to have a sign that said “Keep this kitchen clean – eat out!”.

  12. #12 Carrie
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    My grandmother had a magnet on her fridge that said “Taste makes waist.”

  13. #13 Rachel D. Brown
    on Jun 13th, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    Complaint Department
    200 miles –>

    My soul’s had enough chicken soup
    I want CHOCOLATE

    I drink coffee for your protection

    Mocha Java–Is the planet shaking, or is it just me?

    Coffee–Have another cup
    You can sleep when you’re dead

    Kitchen closed due to illness
    I’m sick of cooking

  14. #14 Elizabeth
    on Jun 14th, 2012 at 10:00 am

    The quote about “dating the dust” made me think of a practical joke Dallas played on me once. He hid plastic cocktail swords in hard to reach places around my house. Then every time he was there, he’d check to see which ones had been disturbed. After six months, he pointed out some areas that could probably be dusted more thoroughly – as proved by the cocktail swords. With friends like that…

  15. #15 Julie Rich
    on Jun 14th, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    I have a sign hanging in my kitchen:

    Please excuse the mess…the kids are making happy memories!

  16. #16 Laura
    on Jun 18th, 2012 at 9:43 am

    My sister gave me a plaque for my kitchen which reads, “There’s a thin woman crying out inside me, but I can shut her up with chocolate.”

  17. #17 Bryan
    on Jun 22nd, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    Pertains to life in general, but hangs in the kitchen: “It is what it is.”