- ivman's blague - http://blog.ivman.com -

Just a Thought…

picture of sign

"Wedding Central" here is a beehive of activity. Becka has started a blog post called Scenes from the Sweatshop [1] in which she plans to post pictures of the various projects going on in our house this week in preparation for Nora and Topher's wedding this weekend. She tells about all the sewing, baking, and cooking she and our girls are doing this week, with lots of pictures.

This week I received a list of funny one-liners that I thought my readers might enjoy. I don't know who the "I" is in many of the thoughts, but it's obviously someone with a good sense of humor and a way with words.

Be sure you're in a place where you can laugh out loud as you read some of these. You have been warned!

Just a Thought...

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was young.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

I would rather try to carry ten plastic grocery bags in each hand than make two trips to bring in my groceries.

LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say."

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering with the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me. I will never again end a work e-mail with the expression "Regards."

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and then turn on the water.

Bad decisions make good stories.

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How do I respond to that?

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after tilting your chair back too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to a document that I swear I did not change.

I hate when I just miss a call on the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle. Then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three times and still not remember what time it is.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

The other night I ordered takeout and, when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, the person who packed my order thought about it and then decided that at least four people were required to eat all that food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like you're fat just before dinner.

I wish my GPS had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

Sometimes when I watch a movie or a cartoon that I watched when I was younger, I suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

quotation...

"It's not that the thief stops taking, but that the former thief starts giving." — Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about making a will. He said, "Will? What will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."