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Kids Say Some of the Greatest Things!

We're facing our nest being officially empty at the end of next week - and I'm not talking about our bird house! Our oldest child Megan will turn 30 next month, and since her birth we've had kids at home, except for short periods as the kids were at summer camps or in their college years working in summer camps. But now after just one month shy of 30 years, this is it - The Empty Nest. Our daughter Nora has been living at home again for the last several years, having moved back in with us while our son Mark was still at home. But next Friday Nora moves into her own apartment.

My wife and I loved raising our family and enjoyed watching and helping our kids go through all the stages as they grew up. Some of our favorite times were during the years when they were little and often thinking out loud. Some of the things they said will always live on in our memories. Little kids are so refreshingly honest in their naïveté, evaluating and commenting on things from their limited perspective! We especially love young children, and all three of our kids seem to have picked that up from us - they are all pre-school or elementary teachers.

Today's instant vacation is some stories I've received from people recounting what young children have said.


While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist' s desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too."


Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. "In ten years," I said, "you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now."

Carolyn shrugged and said, "In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway."


One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they were reading was There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. After the librarian finished the first page, she asked the children, "Do you think she'll die?"

"Nope," a little girl in the back said. "I saw this last night on Fear Factor."


Near our town in France there's a nudist colony. One day as I was driving along in the car with one of my grandchildren, a member of the nudist colony rode down our street on a bicycle. My granddaughter said, "Grandpa, did you see that?!"

I tried to change the subject, but my granddaughter was insistent, "Grandpa, did you see that?!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, let's look the other way," and tried again to change the subject.

My granddaughter said, "Grandpa, did you see that?! That's bad! That person wasn't wearing a helmet!"


My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone "Hello," she whispered.

"Hi, honey. How's your mother?" I asked.

"She's sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper.

"Did she go to the doctor?" I asked.

"Yes. She got some medicine," my niece said softly.

"Well, don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. By the way, what are you doing?"

Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "Practicing my trumpet."


On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. "Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" he asked innocently.

After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer."


Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. "I'm going to be away for a long time," I told him. "I'm going to Iraq."

"Why?" he asked. "Don't you know there's a war going on over there?"


Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS and blood diseases. One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know that Newman was a famous movie star, explained, "That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?" ... Blank stares ... "Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton?"

An eight-year-old girl piped up. "How long was he missing?"


My last name is a mouthful, so when my three-year-old niece learned to spell it, I was thrilled, until her cousin burst my bubble. "You can spell Sczygelski any way you like," he pointed out. "Who's going to know if it's wrong?"


For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me, a dental hygienist, clean her teeth. She was accompanied by her grandmother. When they came in, I greeted them warmly, seated Kelsey and, as usual, put on my gloves, goggles, and mask. About ten minutes into the procedure, she got scared and cried, "I want my mommy!"

I quickly pulled off my mask and said, "I am your mommy."

Without hesitating, my daughter yelled back, "Then I want my granny!"


A little girl stared questioningly at her grandfather. Finally she asked, "Grandpa, were you on Noah's Ark?"

The grandfather replied with a slight chuckle. "Of course not."

Then girl asked, "Then how come you didn't drown?"


On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "Whenever you need to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."

A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"


I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these on your own!"


A mother had invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"


While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"


A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"


A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone.

"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added on the phone, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."


When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the peel either."


Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. "No, no, no!" she screamed.

"Lizzie," scolded her mother, "that's not polite behavior."

With that, the girl yelled even louder, "No, thank you! No, thank you!"


This week, thanks to Skype and webcams, for the first time we saw our grandson Drew walk. He's also now saying words, and we can't wait till he strings them together into memorable things like what you've just read!

Our daughter Megan is an avid scrapbooker. Here's a picture of one of her recent pages about Drew - Your First Year in Review...

first year in review

To see more of Megan's scrapbook pages, click here.

Speaking of seeing things, those of you who read my blog posts by e-mail or by blog reader missed something in my last post, unless you came to the blog itself. (Embedded video clips don't come through in the e-mails or blog readers). To see the video of the Japanese woman showing how to fold a t-shirt in mere seconds (an art that even I have now mastered!), go to my blog and scroll down.

I hope that some of you with kids in your lives will share in the comments some of the great things they've said!


"Sometimes parents point their kids to heaven while they lead them to hell." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

Children will soon forget your presents; they will always remember your presence.

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13 Comments on “Kids Say Some of the Greatest Things!”

  1. #1 David McGuire
    on Aug 14th, 2008 at 10:19 pm

    Well, Rob, you asked for it:

    When our kids were rather young, we visited Grandpa and Grandma’s house on vacation one summer. Cynthia, who was all of three years old, asked Grandma to fix some “hotlick” for supper. Nancy’s mom had no idea what “hotlick” was, but we finally figured out Cynthia’s meaning. The week before we went on vacation, we had gone to the Dining Common for supper. The main course that evening was “Pot Luck.” You have to have been around a few years to remember that from the 1970s.

    It was in those days of yesteryear when we lived in Siddons, so on Saturday and Sunday mornings during the summer we would haul the kids to the Dining Common for breakfast in their little red wagon. You usually knew what was for breakfast by simply sniffing the air. The kids would say, “We smell eggs,” or “We smell cinnamon rolls.” One morning, there was no noticeable aroma in the air. The kids sniffed as usual, and one of them said, “I smell dry cereal!”

    Finally, one of the great lines from Tricia. We owned a black standard poodle who became particularly obnoxious. He was really causing problems with our little baby Daniel, so we decided it was time for the dog to go. A couple came over one evening and gave us a check to take the dog off our hands. Everyone was pretty happy to see the dog depart. But after “Charlie” was gone, Tricia came up to Nancy with a very serious expression on her face. She plaintively asked, “Mommy, are we going to sell Daniel, too?” Nancy responded by saying that the McGuires did not sell babies. Tricia was greatly relieved.

    And there are so many more . . .

  2. #2 Rob
    on Aug 14th, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    David, I hope you’ve “primed the pump.” There are certainly many great stories out there! Thanks for sharing the ones you did! Ah, such great memories!

  3. #3 Ellen
    on Aug 15th, 2008 at 1:40 am

    Mr. Loach,

    With 4 kids under the age of 6, I hear lots of funny statements. Here are a couple that I remember.

    My 5 yr old daughter was taking a bath and says, “Daddy, I know how God made dark people. He put a whole bunch of moles together on them!”

    My 3 yr old son is very curious about other people. His sister was singing a Patch the Pirate song “Six Billion Reasons” only she was singing “six million reasons to tell the world about my Lord” instead. So, my husband corrected her and said it was six billion because there are six billion people in the world. My son quickly pipes up and asks “what are their names, Daddy???”

    I wish I could remember more. Kids really do say the funniest things!

  4. #4 Carrie
    on Aug 15th, 2008 at 6:54 am

    Once when my son Samuel was pretty small I had spoken harshly to him and asked him to forgive me. He replied, “But Mommy, I can’t forgive your sin, only God can!”

  5. #5 Bonnie
    on Aug 15th, 2008 at 8:35 am

    One Sunday, my husband was teaching our Children’s Church class about Sodom and Gomorrah. In review the next week, he asked why Lot’s wife had turned to “stone” and pointed to the flannel graph picture. One 4 yr old replied, “Because she didn’t take her bath!”

  6. #6 Cathy Lane
    on Aug 15th, 2008 at 10:18 am

    My sister was about five years old at the time . . . One of her little friends had been on vacation in Miami. When she returned, she continued to tell everyone about her trip to Miami. Finally, my sister said, “I am so sick of hearing about “her ami”.

  7. #7 Laura
    on Aug 15th, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    When our oldest was 4, she saw a skylight for the first time in a bathroom at my parents’ home. That evening, when she needed to use the restroom, I flicked on the light switch. “No, no, Mama,” she said. “Use the other one. Turn on the skylight!”

  8. #8 Rob
    on Aug 15th, 2008 at 10:23 pm

    Wow! Thanks to everyone so far for sharing your stories! I hope many more will.

  9. #9 Marilyn Donnell
    on Aug 15th, 2008 at 11:50 pm

    Our three-year-old son casting about for a good argument to get out of taking an afternoon nap said, “I can’t take a nap, I might get ‘moon burn.’ ”

    A young girl admiring the perfect first rose of the summer blurted out, “It looked so real, I thought it was plastic.”

    We were reading from a new Bible storybook, turned the page and there was a picture of Moses with the tablets of the 10 Commandments. My young son asked, “Oh Mama, how could he ever swallow those vitamins?” (Tablets were vitamins in his young mind.)

  10. #10 Jonnie Kern
    on Aug 16th, 2008 at 7:49 am

    We have a box of toys that we get out when the grandchildren come to visit.
    Recently, my 5-year-old granddaughter asked, “When we’re not here, do you play
    with our toys?” When I answered, “No. . .”, she asked, “Then what do you do?”

  11. #11 Tammy
    on Aug 16th, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    My daughter was 5 at the time when she was getting a scolding by me. She looks at me and said mommy your head is frozen. Of course I had to turn around to laugh, then came back to finish the scolding which didn’t go over very well by then. 12 years later I ask if my head has defrosted.

  12. #12 Bonnijean
    on Aug 18th, 2008 at 9:20 am

    My brother’s pastor recently told about a interaction he had with his kindergarten aged granddaughter who said something like this:

    Grandpa, I would never tell you that you’re fat even though you are fat because if I said that you are fat it might hurt your feelings. So even though you are fat, I won’t say that you are fat. I’ll just say that you are old.

  13. #13 Tawnja
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    At Easter, our 2-year-old son was learning the verse, “He is not here for He is risen.” When I helped him review it by starting the verse, “He is not here for He is . . .,” he promptly finished with “. . . in prison!”