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Lighten up!


Today I'm posting a few of the myriad "LBJ's" - light bulb jokes - in existence. This whole thing came to mind as we replaced our lighting fixture in our dining room last week. I'll start off with one that is unfortunately not a joke!

Q: How many Congress critters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 400 (314 members of the United States House of Representatives and 86 members of the United States Senate)

Late in 2007 Congress voted for an energy bill to force Americans to change the relatively inexpensive incandescent light bulbs they’re currently using and replace them with expensive new, "energy-efficient" light bulbs, and President Bush did not veto the bill! (I guess he's joined the rest of those belonging to the Global Warming Cult.) This brings to mind the 1992 energy bill, in which Congress banned the 3.5 gallon toilet, mandating that Americans no longer use more than 1.6 gallons per flush. Those new toilets have proven not to be enough to, er, get the job done. Since it sometimes takes two and three flushes per visit, Americans are using the same amount of water, if not more, than they did before Congress stuck its collective nose into our bathrooms.

And I've read that "those who know what's best for the rest of us" are also considering banning top-loading washers and disposable diapers, among other things. The "Progressives" won't be happy until we're virtuously beating cloth diapers on rocks by a steam in pitch darkness!

(Mini-rant ended...)

I guess we'll cope with this news by making "light" of it, so to speak....

Q: How many college students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I dunno, I forgot my calculator at home.

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Define "light bulb"

Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb change will take billions of years.

Q: How many deconstructionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: On the contrary, the NILE is the longest river in Africa.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q: How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs.

Q: How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?
A: Eno

Q: How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Oh, no! The bulb's out! Let's sell our GE stock NOW!

Q: How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three lightbulbs.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Many hands make light work.

Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That depends on what you want to change it into.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It's a hardware problem.
A: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
A: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
A: Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.

Q: How many database programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

Q: How many political pollsters/activitists/candidates/recordings does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Way too many, but they have to do it while you're eating dinner.

Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It won't ever get done. They only promise change.

Q: How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What's a light bulb?

Q: How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? (I know, I know - dogs can't change light bulbs, but hey, "lighten up" and enjoy!)
A: It depends on the breed (see below)....

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: I can't reach the dumb lamp!

Toy Poodle: I'll just whisper sweet nothings in the Border Collie's ear and he'll change it for me. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!

Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants take care of such things....

Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze let *me* change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still wet on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there....

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle....

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

special request update...

Thanks to the 200+ people who took our campus son Tim's online survey over the weekend. When I told him that there were 4,963 unique visitors to my blog during the month of January 2008, he was excited that he might get as many as 1,000 take the survey. That would give him a far better sampling for his research. I hope many more of you will take the time to answer the 10 questions on his anonymous survey and submit your answers by clicking the button at the bottom of that page. The link is http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=jNTcwcdc_2bUDcECUc3cxt4A_3d_3d

quotation...

"You are the light of the world if you are a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Some gardeners turn their lights on in the evening so they can watch their phlox by night.


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2 Comments on “Lighten up!”

  1. #1 Kathie
    on Feb 11th, 2008 at 9:02 pm

    Your campus son wasn’t by any chance Tim Matthews from Alabama was it? Just curious.

  2. #2 Ruth L.
    on Feb 12th, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    “How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?”

    Do we really need an evolutionist to change a lightbulb? Seems like, given billions of years, the socket would come to have a preference for lightbulbs that work and therefore experience a bunch of helpful mutations that give it bulb-changing capabilities! 🙂