ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Little Humor


NotShort

When you tell people, "I'm not happy," do they ask which dwarf you are instead? On St. Patrick's Day do people ask you where your pot of gold is? Do you hate to gain even one pound because it instantly shows everywhere? Do you constantly have to ask random strangers to help you get something off higher shelves in stores? Do people use you as an armrest without asking? When people drop things, do they ask you to pick it up since you're closer to the ground? Do you always end up in the front row in pictures and choirs?

If you have never faced any of those situations, you're probably one of those disgustingly tall or otherwise normal people. :-) For a long time I have referred to myself as "short and dumpy." Whenever I say that, I hear everything from hearty laughs to nervous chuckles .... like, is it ok to laugh at what I just said about myself? I come from a family of short people — my French grandma was 4'9", her daughter (my aunt) 4'10", and my dad (Grandma's son) was 5'5". At 5'8" I felt like Gulliver with much of my family in France. My mom's side of the family added little height to the mix — Mom was 5'1" tall (in her younger years).

In my annual physical recently, I learned that I am now 3/4 of an inch shorter than I already was for my whole adult life! Losing some height that I could ill afford to lose and my wife's recently reading the funny thing I've used as my signature line at the end of this post made me decide to do a post about being short. This will give you a glimpse of how we experience life from the altitude at which we fly.

Things you get to / have to hear as a short person:

You're like really short ... to which you reply, "Thanks, I had no idea."

You work at a bank?! Is it a piggy bank?

Well, at least you don't have to worry about door frames and ceiling fans.

Have you ever thought about playing baseball? You'd be perfect for playing shortstop.

Do you have enough money or are you a little short?

Do you also have good short term memory?

Are you a member of the Lolly Pop League?

Do you have trouble playing with a yo-yo?

You're going to the amusement park?! Will they even let you on all the rides?

We short-sheeted your bed and you didn't notice.

Looks like you pulled the shortest straw, huh?

We're having shortcake for dessert? Heard it's your favorite.

Does cooking become a workout when you have to climb up on the counters?

You probably can sit on the curb and swing your legs.

How's the weather down there? (Rob adds: I often ask my tall students, "How's the air up there?")

You're so short, you never have to pay for the subway because you can just walk under the turnstiles

Do you need a ladder to get up to the bottom bunk?

You can probably tread water in a kiddie pool.

Do your feet show in your driver's license photo?

You're so short, you're the last one to know when it rains.

Does it take you less time to put pants on?

Shouldn't you be in a tree somewhere making cookies?

divider

Here are several short jokes, so to speak:

A short person lives on the 10th floor and when he needs to get to his apartment he has to stop at the 7th floor and climb the rest of the way to the 10th floor on stairs. Why is this?

Because he's too short to reach the 10 button in the elevator.

divider

Leona had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was very short. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Leona arrested, and she was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small, she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This so incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day: "Small medium at large."

divider

I wouldn't mind having the following:

ShortCarBoat

I hope my fellow vertically challenged people got a laugh out of this, even though it may sound all too familiar. And I hope that those of you who aren't short of stature might think about being less unkind in the future since we short people are striving to make the best of our lot in life. :-) Maybe you tall folks could share in the comments the difficulties you face with your height.

quotation...

"God lets things grow until they are perfect. Some of us didn't take as long as others do." — anonymous

=^..^=
Rob

You've really gotta hand it to short people, because we can't usually reach it ourselves anyway.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

If you enjoyed this post, get updates by RSS e-mail or Twitter


15 Comments on “Little Humor”

  1. #1 Vikki
    on May 28th, 2014 at 7:59 am

    My previous boss was 5’5″ and his wife was 4’9″. She taught grade school – always somewhere between grades 2 and 4. She said she didn’t want to teach kids older than that because the students started getting taller than her.

    I’m 5’7″ and my best friend all through high school was 4’10”. Her dream in life was to reach 5 feet. She never made it.

    Rob adds:
    Well I am now 5’7¼” Vikki. If gravity continues its dastardly work, we’ll soon be the same height.
    :-)

  2. #2 Rhonda
    on May 28th, 2014 at 8:39 am

    Honestly, I have NEVER thought of you as short. It astounds me that you view yourself that way. :) But I suppose it’s because I’m shorter than you are. Now…. Dr. O is short!

    Rob adds:
    I guess in the midst of men who are so tall, I really do see myself as short. I have been encouraged to see male students in recent years who make me feel taller. They have ministered to me just by being there.
    ;-)

  3. #3 Sue
    on May 28th, 2014 at 8:47 am

    I can identify with all of these! 5’1″ here, and with a tall family, so I got all the nicknames. “Ankle biter”, “Dwarf”, “Strawberry Shortstuff”… and so forth. And yes, I often need help with high grocery shelves, and am very familiar with the view from the front row. :-P

    The youth pastor at my church had the opposite problem, being 6’10” (his wife was 6’4″). He habitually ducked walking through doorways, and shoe stores (or skating rinks or bowling alleys) rarely carried his size shoe. He told me about a tall construction worker that got tired of the top three questions asked of tall people, and had the answers imprinted on his construction hat. The hat read, “6’6″, No I don’t, It’s fine.” (“How tall are you?” “Do you play basketball?” and “How’s the weather up there?”)

  4. #4 Jonathan
    on May 28th, 2014 at 10:15 am

    On the other hand, I get annoyed by people asking me if I play basketball. I usually look down on them on ask if they play miniature golf.

  5. #5 Sharon (aka Jacqueline)
    on May 28th, 2014 at 11:11 am

    I don’t remember how tall Dr. Wade Gladin was, but I’ll use 6’9″ to tell this story about him. He related that he often grew tired of having people ask him how tall he was. So once when a lady asked, he responded, “I’m 5-21.”
    The woman was amazed. “I could have sworn you were over 6 feet!”
    :)

  6. #6 Rob
    on May 28th, 2014 at 11:17 am

    I’m sure there are definite challenges to being taller than average also. Jonathan, I have to tell you that ever since we first met, I have always looked up to you.

  7. #7 Vikki
    on May 28th, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Our girls picked tall husbands: 6’4″, 6’5″ and 6’6″ (our girls are between 5’5″ and 5’8″). The problem we have is we have 8′ ceilings in the house and whenever we go ceiling fan or light shopping, we have to ask if it’s a head banger or not.

    By the way, I’m still the same height I was in 7th grade and when I was in my 30’s. So far no shrinkage :)

    Rob adds:
    Vikki, you are *much* younger than I … just wait till the shrinkage starts. I’m thinking about doing some exercises to see if I can slow down or even reverse that trend. My wife counts on me to get things off shelves for her, which I can do because I have long arms.

  8. #8 Tawnja
    on May 28th, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    I grew up in the land of giants (a.k.a. the Netherlands) and was considered short at 5’6″. I am also the shrimp in the family, with my sister and mother topping me by several inches, not to speak of my brothers and dad. I never heard myself referred to as being tall until I moved to the US. I still don’t believe it when people tell me I am tall. I guess height is relative. =)

    Rob adds:
    I had forgotten that the Dutch are generally tall. Many in France are quite short and slim. A cousin in France said to me on more than one occasion, “Nous les Français, on est une petite race.” (We French are a short race.) An American friend who lived there in ministry had to go to Germany to go clothing shopping because she could find nothing to fit her in France.

  9. #9 David McGuire
    on May 28th, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    And you do know, Rob, that life is too short to be little :-)

    Rob adds:
    Oh my!

  10. #10 Doug
    on May 28th, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    At 6″2′, I’ve noticed an interesting quirk–I’m so accustomed to looking across or slightly down at others’ faces that when I do encounter someone even an inch taller than I am, I feel short.

    At work, we have two guys who are 6″7′ and 6″9′, I believe. In keeping with the ministry emphasis on Genesis here, we often call them the nephilim.

    Rob adds:
    I love it, Doug! At 7’5″ basketball player Yao Ming makes even fairly tall basketball players look short. It really is a lot about perspective, I guess.

  11. #11 Nancy
    on May 29th, 2014 at 10:29 am

    As long as your feet reach the ground, you are tall enough.

  12. #12 Sarah
    on May 30th, 2014 at 2:03 am

    Enjoyed this post. One of my bosses is 6’3″ and regularly places objects on top of the shelving at work. The rest of us must then go fetch a stepstool to reach them when those items are needed. There’s a former pro basketball player in our town who is 7’2″, and walks with a habitual stoop, as he must duck to go anywhere. Obviously he stands out in a crowd, and everybody knows who he is.

    I was thinking, as I read through the accounts of teasing short people endure, that the same kind of thing happens to lefties, of which I am a hopeless case. My husband is also left-handed, and so is one of our two children. The one rightie is the oddball in our family; how often does that happen?

    Have you done any posts about lefthandedness? Just sayin’ …

    Rob adds:
    Thanks for your thoughts, Sarah. My wife and son are both lefties. I will have to see what I can come up with.
    :-)

  13. #13 Theron
    on May 31st, 2014 at 3:41 am

    Whenever I visit any old castles or other historical sites here in Britain, the doorways are all too low. For some reason everyone was shorter a few centuries ago.

    I’m 6’3″ and have noticed the same thing as Doug.

    Rob adds:
    When we visited Fontainebleau and saw Napoléon’s bed and some of his clothing, we were astonished at how short he must have been!

  14. #14 Tim
    on Jun 5th, 2014 at 6:31 am

    I must say, even at 5’11”, but with long arms and a tendancy to stretch, I do get some ‘tall orders’ in life… Ceiling fans are a menace! Gas heaters mounted above doorways are worse! I do have to wear socks at night (think about that one)

    But one of the greatest benefits was in high school choir practise.
    (Teacher) ‘Now class, before we sing, I want you to reach up, high as you can…’ ‘Come on, try to touch the ceiling’
    (Me) ‘Yep, now what?’

    Rob adds:
    I will never fully know what you have to endure, Tim.
    ;-)

  15. #15 Courtney Sholler
    on Jun 5th, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    On the opposite spectrum, I have a good friend who is 6’5″ who always gets asked if he played basketball in high school ’cause he is so tall. To the shorter people asking him that question, he always wants to reply: “No, I didn’t. Did you play mini golf?” :)


If you enjoyed this post, get updates by RSS e-mail or Twitter