- ivman's blague - http://blog.ivman.com -

Little Humor

NotShort

When you tell people, "I'm not happy," do they ask which dwarf you are instead? On St. Patrick's Day do people ask you where your pot of gold is? Do you hate to gain even one pound because it instantly shows everywhere? Do you constantly have to ask random strangers to help you get something off higher shelves in stores? Do people use you as an armrest without asking? When people drop things, do they ask you to pick it up since you're closer to the ground? Do you always end up in the front row in pictures and choirs?

If you have never faced any of those situations, you're probably one of those disgustingly tall or otherwise normal people. 🙂 For a long time I have referred to myself as "short and dumpy." Whenever I say that, I hear everything from hearty laughs to nervous chuckles .... like, is it ok to laugh at what I just said about myself? I come from a family of short people — my French grandma was 4'9", her daughter (my aunt) 4'10", and my dad (Grandma's son) was 5'5". At 5'8" I felt like Gulliver with much of my family in France. My mom's side of the family added little height to the mix — Mom was 5'1" tall (in her younger years).

In my annual physical recently, I learned that I am now 3/4 of an inch shorter than I already was for my whole adult life! Losing some height that I could ill afford to lose and my wife's recently reading the funny thing I've used as my signature line at the end of this post made me decide to do a post about being short. This will give you a glimpse of how we experience life from the altitude at which we fly.

Things you get to / have to hear as a short person:

You're like really short ... to which you reply, "Thanks, I had no idea."

You work at a bank?! Is it a piggy bank?

Well, at least you don't have to worry about door frames and ceiling fans.

Have you ever thought about playing baseball? You'd be perfect for playing shortstop.

Do you have enough money or are you a little short?

Do you also have good short term memory?

Are you a member of the Lolly Pop League?

Do you have trouble playing with a yo-yo?

You're going to the amusement park?! Will they even let you on all the rides?

We short-sheeted your bed and you didn't notice.

Looks like you pulled the shortest straw, huh?

We're having shortcake for dessert? Heard it's your favorite.

Does cooking become a workout when you have to climb up on the counters?

You probably can sit on the curb and swing your legs.

How's the weather down there? (Rob adds: I often ask my tall students, "How's the air up there?")

You're so short, you never have to pay for the subway because you can just walk under the turnstiles

Do you need a ladder to get up to the bottom bunk?

You can probably tread water in a kiddie pool.

Do your feet show in your driver's license photo?

You're so short, you're the last one to know when it rains.

Does it take you less time to put pants on?

Shouldn't you be in a tree somewhere making cookies?

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Here are several short jokes, so to speak:

A short person lives on the 10th floor and when he needs to get to his apartment he has to stop at the 7th floor and climb the rest of the way to the 10th floor on stairs. Why is this?

Because he's too short to reach the 10 button in the elevator.

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Leona had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was very short. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Leona arrested, and she was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small, she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This so incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day: "Small medium at large."

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I wouldn't mind having the following:

ShortCarBoat

I hope my fellow vertically challenged people got a laugh out of this, even though it may sound all too familiar. And I hope that those of you who aren't short of stature might think about being less unkind in the future since we short people are striving to make the best of our lot in life. 🙂 Maybe you tall folks could share in the comments the difficulties you face with your height.

quotation...

"God lets things grow until they are perfect. Some of us didn't take as long as others do." — anonymous

=^..^=
Rob

You've really gotta hand it to short people, because we can't usually reach it ourselves anyway.