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Mom’s dictionary

In preparation for Mother's Day, I thought it might be good to share some words from "Mom's dictionary."

Mom's dictionary

airplane - What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained beets

alien - What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself

amnesia - A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have a baby again

apple - Nutritious lunchtime dessert that children will often trade for cupcakes

baby -

    1. Mom's youngest child
    2. Dad, when he gets a cold

bathroom - a room used by the entire family and believed (by all except Mom) to be self-cleaning

"because" - Mom's reason for making kids do things or not do things which can't be explained logically

bed and breakfast - Two things the kids don't like to make for themselves

bottle feeding - An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 a.m. too

carpet - Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes

car pool - Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the farthest, with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar

China - Legendary country reportedly populated by children who love leftover vegetables

cook -

    1. Act of preparing food for consumption
    2. Mom's other name

date - Infrequent outings with Dad, where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting

defense - What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside

drinking glass - Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge

drooling - How teething babies wash their chins

dumbwaiter - One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert

ear - A place where kids store dirt

eat - What kids do between meals, but not at them

energy - Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something

family planning - The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

feedback - The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots

full name - What you call your child when you're mad at him

garbage - A collection of refuse items, the taking out of which Mom assigns to a different family member each week, then winds up doing herself

geniuses - Amazingly, all of Mom's children

grandparents - The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right

gum - Adhesive for the hair

hamper - A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing

Handi-Wipes - Pants, shirtsleeves, drapes, etc.

hearsay - What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word

independent - How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say

look out! - What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it

prenatal - When your life was still somewhat your own

prepared childbirth - A contradiction in terms

puddle - A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it

show off - A child who is more talented than yours

sterilize - What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it

storeroom - The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything

temper tantrums - What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children

top bunk - Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies

two-minute warning - When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises

verbal - Able to whine in words

whodunit - None of the kids that live in your house

whoops - An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge"


This first week of summer "vacation" is busier than last week! I started my summer job today at IT Help Desk on campus - work I really enjoy. This evening I had a wedding rehearsal - I'm the lower voice in two duets at the wedding tomorrow evening of a young lady I've known since she was a toddler. We're also trying to get ready for the arrival of our daughter Megan and grandson Drew this Saturday for a week's stay - our son-in-law's Mother's Day gift to Megan and to Becka.


"There's no news that is news to God." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

If a mute swears in sign language, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

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1 Comment on “Mom’s dictionary”

  1. #1 Rebecca
    on May 19th, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    The “prepared childbirth” made me chuckle. My dear mother-in-law laughed and made the same comment when she saw my manual for childbirth classes at our hospital. (The manual was titled “Prepared Childbirth.”) I felt a little insulted at the time but let it go. It was our first child and I was taking classes and reading all kinds of books. Now my mother-in-law is with the Lord, and now I know how right she was. =)