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More One-Liner Puns

Since last week's post was longer than usual, this week's is much shorter.

WARNING — don't read this unless you are free to have the occasional LOL, or at least to groan loudly.

I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

I'd like to pun about philosophy, but I Kant.

My skiing skills are really going downhill.

I don't enjoy computer jokes — not one bit.

I just read an ad for a job inspecting mirrors. I could really see myself doing that.

If you asked a plastic surgeon to make you look like a pelican, would you get a massive bill?

I heard a song today about tortillas. Is that what they call wrap music?

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A shotgun wedding is a matter of wife or death.

I wanted to bring a penguin home but my parents said that wasn't going to fly.

Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

I usually avoid funerals. I'm just not a mourning person.

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date. It was OK.

As a career choice, pyrotechnics sparks my interest.

The invisible man married the invisible woman. There kids were nothing to look at.

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Ever since I've taken the job in the Everglades I've been swamped!

I got my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It's not her main present — it's just a stocking stuffer.

The concert violinist believed in exercise; consequently, he was fit as a fiddle.

I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed. He gave his awl.

He won the Twister contest hands-down.

You can always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

The police were called to a nursery where a little girl was resisting a rest.

I used to enjoy sausage and cheese with my eggs, but it's all ova now.

She was a moonshiner's daughter, but he loved her still.

Dermatologists are very competitive since they all have skin in the game.

I have an irrational fear of speed bumps; but I’m slowly getting over it.

When the investor came home from work he was spent.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

There's a new program on this season in which a religious order is playing stringed instruments, proving that there's just too much sects and violins on TV these days.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.


Today is our first day of classes for second semester. I'm eager to see my students and get to work. I hope they feel the same. 🙂


"There is no color in the human situation which the grace of God cannot match." — Carl Becker


Did it ever occur to you that nothing occurs to God?

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