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More Pun-ishment?

I recently received a list of short puns that I don't recall seeing before, and I just knew I needed to share them on my blog. The list has been supplemented with some puns a friend texts me out of the blue once in a while.

WARNING: You might not want to read this unless you are in a place where you are free to laugh out loud occasionally.

When deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry, heads rolled.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

I heard the new auto body shop that opened comes highly wreck-a-mended.

The president of the Ennui Club was also chairman of the bored.

The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web.

I decided not to go to Pisa, though I was leaning towards it.

Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.

The historian loves reading about bobcats. They are lynx to the past.

Drivers who speed in the snow often find themselves adrift.

People often accuse me of "stealing other people's jokes" and being "a plagiarist." Their words, not mine.

Manufacturing facilities have found that by replacing old fluorescent lights with lots of LED lights, their productivity increases. That proves that many lights make hands work.

Did you hear about the alligator hunter who was swamped at work?

No matter how much I push the envelope, it remains stationery.

Without sunscreen, ignorance is blister.

A chicken with an Afro is also known as soul chicken for the soup.

Does the pope send out mass emails?

I had #hash for breakfast.

Anyone who expects their dog to retrieve up to 1/4 of mile should know that's too far-fetched.

The song leader wanted to sing the chorus again, but he refrained.

I asked a librarian if she was free this afternoon, but she said she was all booked up.

When you purchase stuff south of the border, you don't peso much.

The termite wanted to lose weight, so he started eating more lattice.

I was addicted to soap, but now I'm clean.

I tried reading a book about mazes, but I got lost.

If you have ever tried to eat a clock, you know it's time consuming.

The other day a clown held the door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.

He was so skinny, his shoulder blades kept cutting his shirts.

I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it didn't have an ending.

You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune.


"There's no such thing as a post-Christian era, except in name." — Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

I hate explaining puns to kleptomaniacs. They take things literally.

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3 Comments on “More Pun-ishment?”

  1. #1 Malcolm Cummings
    on Nov 4th, 2015 at 1:17 pm

    Good ones, Rob. Thanks.

  2. #2 Ken Carr
    on Nov 4th, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    One of the punniest blogs on internet.


  3. #3 Marilyn
    on Nov 10th, 2015 at 10:03 pm

    I thought I might cut-n-paste these punny puns. But no cutting remarks.

    Officer: We are not sure what killed this man. Do you have any ideas?
    Reply: I don’t know, maybe it was a stab in the dark.