One of the TV shows I grew up with was Father Knows Best. You may be old enough to remember that series or maybe you've seen reruns. In those days, dads were allowed to be portrayed as something other than idiots, and Robert Young usually gave wise advice. But as we look forward to Mother's Day this weekend, I want to focus on moms who know what's going on and who give out great advice with such finesse that it inflicts almost no pain.
Throughout history, mothers have been known for handing out wisdom, advice, and correction to their children. You could almost hear the moms of these famous individuals say the following:
Paul Revere's mother:
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"
Mary, Mary, quite contrary's mother:
"I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"
Mona Lisa's mother:
"After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"
Humpty Dumpty's mother:
"Humpty, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"
"I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You still could have written!"
Babe Ruth's mother:
"Babe, how many times have I told you — quit playing ball in the house! That's the third broken window this week!"
"Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
"All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!"
Abraham Lincoln's mother:
"Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
"I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple."
"I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."
"It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"
"I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"
Little Miss Muffet's mother:
"Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"
"William! I want to know who spilled the ink on the rug; and don't tell me I'm making 'Much Ado About Nothing'! It's a question of punishment — to be or not to be grounded!"
Albert Einstein's mother:
"But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"
George Washington's mother:
"The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
"That's a nice story, but now tell me where you've really been for the last three days."
"Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"
Thomas Edison's mother:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"
I'll bet some of my readers could write some great fake quotations from other moms of famous people. We'll see....
Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there!
"The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom." - Henry Ward Beecher
You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool Mom.