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Ole, Sven, and The Birds


picture of The Birds original poster

Did you ever feel as if you were in an Alfred Hitchcock thriller? If you've seen The Birds, you will remember some of the horror scenes where Tippi Hedren is being chased and attacked by birds. Well, I had a "Tippi Hedren moment" this past Saturday. We were meeting our son-in-law Jim in Cincinnati so that Meg and Drew could go back home after their two week visit with us. While waiting for Jim to arrive, we went to the Creation Museum. Before going into the museum, we strolled to the petting zoo by way of the nature trail. We were enjoying all kinds of flora and fauna when out of nowhere a red-winged black bird swooped down and pecked me on the head. Although we were doing nothing extraordinary as we meandered along the nature trail, we were apparently too close to its nest. I wonder how many others were attacked that day! Here's a scene from The Birds that came to mind.

picture of Tippi being attacked

Our daughter Megan was glad not to be the one attacked by the bird. Before she and Drew came to see us, she had been having to dodge being attacked when she checked her mail. A robin had built a nest in the light fixture on Meg and Jim's front porch. After the babies fledged, Jim fixed things so that that fixture will not be a nesting site any more, and Megan can now check her mailbox confidently.

In light of our experiences, I'm sharing some bird groaners. Hope you pun lovers enjoy them.

(For those not familiar with the term "budgies" used in the jokes below, that's the name in some parts of the world for what others call "parakeets.")

Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yah sure, ve'll take two of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop, get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake. At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

He takes the two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says, "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie-jumping is too dangerous for me!"

VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!

Moments later Knute arrives up at the cliffs. He's been to the pet shop, too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying a paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"Hey, Ole, vatch dis," Knute says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself and the parrot over the edge of the cliff.

Ole watches as, half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Knute continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrot-shooting either."

BUT VAIT!!! Dere's MORE, you betcha!!

Ole is reeling over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken.

Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his neck.

Once more Ole shakes his head. "First der was Sven with his budgie-jumping, den Knute parrot-shooting, and now Lars hen-gliding."

Dats all. Dere ain't no more! Now, go haf a good day, you betcha!

divider

Have you ever been attacked by a bird?

quotation...

"In our humanity, we're slow to be grateful and quick to complain." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.


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20 Comments on “Ole, Sven, and The Birds”

  1. #1 Vikki
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 8:55 am

    Groan….. Good way to start the week off! 😀

  2. #2 Joe Wooster
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 9:18 am

    I was taking pictures of a bird one day at our house for my mother, and the flash was on. The bird was across the backyard on the other side of the pool when all the sudden it flew straight at me, but ended up running into the window in front of me. I guess it disliked the flash 🙂

  3. #3 David Harness
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 10:09 am

    Red-winged Blackbirds can be very scary! I grew up on an acreage in Alberta that was also home to scores of Red-Winged Blackbirds during the months of May, June, and July (I have no idea where they live the rest of the year). I have very vivid memories of being swarmed by several birds. I learned to “walk softly and carry a big stick”. =)

    Red-winged blackbirds will also attack Red-tailed Hawks and Ravens. It’s not uncommon to see three or four of the smaller birds pecking at the larger predator as it glides around over their nesting sites.

  4. #4 Glenna
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 11:09 am

    Very funny. We get attacked by the barn swallows when we go on our front porch! They think it is their property.

  5. #5 Diane Heeney
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    I remember being accosted by some birds that were nesting in whatever that creeping stuff is on the wall by the BJ post office. Wonder if they are still there lying in wait….

  6. #6 Dan Olinger
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    So Ole waits on the cliff, see, until he can see a fish with a large mouth swimming below. He leaps off the cliff, singing the lowest note possible at the top of his lungs, striking the water just above the fish, and makes a clean grab of it – but is killed anyway.

    Bass jumping don’t work so good neither.

  7. #7 Jewel
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    Ohhhh, groooooannnn! LOL Now that’s my kind of joke! Thanks so much! 🙂

  8. #8 Rob
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    @Vikki – Glad the puns gave you some much needed groans.

    @Joe – Good to hear from you. I would think the flash would cause birds to flee rather than attack.

    @David – Thanks for the input on red-winged blackbirds. We saw them often when we lived in Ohio and Michigan, but we don’t have them here in South Carolina. Until now any reference to red-winged blackbirds would make my wife and me think of some old Taster’s Choice coffee commercials where a couple saw a red-winged blackbird and immediately wanted a cup of Taster’s Choice. Now I’m sure this attempt on my life will be the first thing that comes to mind.

    @Glenna – That must be hard to swallow.

    @Diane – You’ll have to come back to campus to see if they remember you and attack you. If they do, they’re probably mockingbirds. Those birds bear long grudges.

    @Dan – That one was so off-base it was worse than the ones I posted. Glad you dove in though.

  9. #9 Vikki
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    When we lived in IL, we had some Canadian geese decide to nest in the daylilies near the side entrance of our office – the door the smokers would use for their breaks. Until the eggs hatched, no one could use or even go near that door. Later, once the eggs hatched, they decided they liked the front of the building too. I remember my boss running for his car swinging his briefcase at the geese while they chased him, head down, wings spread and hissing. They might not have teeth, but you wouldn’t know it if you got bit by one!

  10. #10 Brian
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    We had our church picnic the Sat. before Memorial Day. Some birds had built their nest in the picnic shelter rafters and were ferrying in food to the four babies. I looked up in time to see one of the little ones stand on the edge of the nest and score a direct hit on the head of the unfortunate person below. She decided to change seats.

    My parents have a dogwood next to the back porch. One evening we were richly amused to watch one of the cats climbing up the tree after a bluebird only to have it dive bomb the cat. They went up and down several times. The bluebird had a nest in a nearby tree and wasn’t happy with our cat.

  11. #11 Brian
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    P.S. I’ve always liked the call of red-winged black birds. You’d think they were from the South since they’re always calling out ‘goober peas’.

  12. #12 Amy
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    Rob, Glenna and Dan, grrroannnn

  13. #13 Michael
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    My first year teaching I had the blinds open in my classroom when a bird flew into the window. It was startling and funny at the same time. I also heard of someone visiting Milan, Italy which is a place notorious for its pigeons. Anyway, one pigeon flew up to this fellow and snatched his contact lens out of his eye. No damage to the eye.

  14. #14 Eileen
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    I haven’t been attacked, but I did have a bird drop a less-than-desirable gift onto my jacket when I was strolling along in Quebec City. We’re keeping our eyes peeled for all kinds of wildlife while we’re up here in Alaska this summer. So far we’ve seen a couple of bald eagles.

  15. #15 Karen M.
    on Jun 7th, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    Others groaned at the jokes… I liked them all… made me laugh out loud. My husband I were taking one of our four-miler walks last Friday and while walking by a hedge smack-dab by the sidewalk we were
    attacked by two fledgling red-winged blackbirds. The mom musta’ been excited about how well her babies were doing with us because she was up above on an electrical wire trilling away. We had to run to get away from the small birds!

  16. #16 Susan
    on Jun 8th, 2010 at 1:43 am

    Two things:

    First, my husband sent me that Ole and Sven thing via email this morning. I’ve seen that thing twice today! LOL

    Secondly, I have never been attacked by birds, but I saw The Birds when I was just a little girl and it terrified me. I tried to watch it again from an adult perspective, but it created the same terror it had when I was little girl. So now I am afraid of birds swarming me! When we lived in Texas, we went to San Antonio to visit The Alamo. On the little plaza outside were huge old trees that were home to a swarm (flock?) of crows, but I didn’t realize they were there. As I was sitting under one of the trees, something made them all fly at once, and I panicked and screamed, sure I was about to be pecked to death by all those crows. I don’t know who was more startled, me or the birds! 😉 I’d probably die of a heart attack if I were ever truly attacked by birds.

  17. #17 Laura
    on Jun 8th, 2010 at 8:28 am

    So then Ole notices a river at the bottom of the cliff with a boat tied up on the shore. He goes down there, and upon closer inspection sees another parrot on the boat. He decides to go for a ride down the river with the bird, but after a few minutes, the boat hits a rock and sinks… so parrot-sailing isn’t such a great idea either, apparently. 😉

    How did you like the Creation Museum? I’m sure Drew enjoyed the petting zoo! Steve and I will be up there for a day or so pretty soon… I’m looking forward to going up there again. They didn’t have the petting zoo the last time I was there. 🙂

  18. #18 a different Laura
    on Jun 10th, 2010 at 11:34 am

    We *do* have red-winged blackbirds in SC, but it took me awhile to see/hear any . . . there are some up at Lake Cunningham, near Greer.

    We have pet birds at our house . . . a cockatiel and a budgie/parakeet. They used to make my mom very nervous when we let them loose to exercise. They like to buzz us occasionally, just to make an impression, but it is usually funny rather than scary (except to a visitor, and the critters are usually caged then).

  19. #19 Amanda
    on Jun 10th, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    I came very close to being attacked by some birds a few weeks ago. I went exploring in some bamboo for kicks one evening. There were quite a few birds around, but I wasn’t bothered by them…until I found a couple of fledglings. I decided I had had enough exploring for the day after that.

  20. #20 Sue
    on Jun 12th, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    I was once attacked by a mother duck for trying to rescue one of her ducklings that had gotten seperated from his siblings and was on the wrong side of a chicken wire fence. She knocked over the misplaced duckling in her haste to start pecking my head and scratching my back (I was unaware prior to this that ducks have claws on their webbed feet).