Did you ever feel as if you were in an Alfred Hitchcock thriller? If you've seen The Birds, you will remember some of the horror scenes where Tippi Hedren is being chased and attacked by birds. Well, I had a "Tippi Hedren moment" this past Saturday. We were meeting our son-in-law Jim in Cincinnati so that Meg and Drew could go back home after their two week visit with us. While waiting for Jim to arrive, we went to the Creation Museum. Before going into the museum, we strolled to the petting zoo by way of the nature trail. We were enjoying all kinds of flora and fauna when out of nowhere a red-winged black bird swooped down and pecked me on the head. Although we were doing nothing extraordinary as we meandered along the nature trail, we were apparently too close to its nest. I wonder how many others were attacked that day! Here's a scene from The Birds that came to mind.
Our daughter Megan was glad not to be the one attacked by the bird. Before she and Drew came to see us, she had been having to dodge being attacked when she checked her mail. A robin had built a nest in the light fixture on Meg and Jim's front porch. After the babies fledged, Jim fixed things so that that fixture will not be a nesting site any more, and Megan can now check her mailbox confidently.
In light of our experiences, I'm sharing some bird groaners. Hope you pun lovers enjoy them.
(For those not familiar with the term "budgies" used in the jokes below, that's the name in some parts of the world for what others call "parakeets.")
Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
"Yah sure, ve'll take two of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven.
The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop, get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake. At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."
He takes the two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says, "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie-jumping is too dangerous for me!"
VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!
Moments later Knute arrives up at the cliffs. He's been to the pet shop, too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying a paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hey, Ole, vatch dis," Knute says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself and the parrot over the edge of the cliff.
Ole watches as, half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Knute continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrot-shooting either."
BUT VAIT!!! Dere's MORE, you betcha!!
Ole is reeling over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken.
Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his neck.
Once more Ole shakes his head. "First der was Sven with his budgie-jumping, den Knute parrot-shooting, and now Lars hen-gliding."
Dats all. Dere ain't no more! Now, go haf a good day, you betcha!
Have you ever been attacked by a bird?
"In our humanity, we're slow to be grateful and quick to complain." - Dr. Drew Conley
I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
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