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Did Your Dad Say This?

today's instant vacation...

I'm posting "off schedule" because I want to share some of my favorite humor about dads. As scary as it is now to look in the mirror and see my dad, it was scarier yet when I first started hearing my dad when I interacted with my kids as they grew up. I would say something and think afterwards how unoriginal or recylced it was - I was unintentionally quoting or paraphrasing my own dad! I lost my dad 34 years ago (massive heart attack at age 42), and I still miss him a lot. There's so much I would love to be sharing with him. I know he would absolutely love my kids and be as proud of them as I am. And my kids would love him as much as I do.

Many of us have favorite quotations from our fathers and/or grandfathers. The list below is a list of favorite "dadisms" and also some things you would never hear your dad say.

How many of the following have you heard coming from a father?

Don't ask me, ask your mother.

Close the door. Were you born in a barn?

You didn't beat me. I let you win.

Big boys don't cry.

Don't worry. It's only blood.

Now you listen to ME, Buster!

A little dirt never hurt anyone - just wipe it off.

I told you, keep your eye on the ball.

Who said life was supposed to be fair? Life is not fair.

Always say please and thank you.

If you forget, you'll be grounded till the end of the world.

"Hey" is for horses.

This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.

Turn off those lights.

Don't give me any of your lip, young lady.

We're not lost. I'm just not sure where we are.

Do you think I am made of money?

No, we're not there yet.

Shake it off. It's only pain.

When I was your age , I....

As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules.

I'll tell you why. Because I said so. That's why.

Do what I say, not what I do.

Sit up straight!

So you think you're smart , do you?

What's so funny? Wipe that smile off your face.

Young ladies perspire; they do not sweat.

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times....

You want something to do? I'll give you something to do.

If you fall and break your leg, don't come running to me.

You should visit/call/write more often. Your mother worries.

I'm not sleeping - I was watching that channel.

I'm not just talking to hear my own voice!

Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.

What do you think I am, a bank?

What part of NO don't you understand?

I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not everybody else's father!

You're not leaving my house dressed like that!

Hurt much? I didn't feel a thing.

If you're gonna be dumb, you've gotta be tough.

Didn't your teacher learn you anything?!

Do you think I'm made of money?

It's hard to be good and easy to be bad.

I got my tongue wrapped around my eye-tooth and couldn't see what I was saying.

Hey, did you hear me talking to you?

You know you're always gonna be Daddy's little girl.

I'm not sleeping while I watch television. I'm just resting my eyes.

Don't use that tone with me!

Am I talking to a brick wall?

If you do that one more time, I'll....

Act your age.

Two wrongs do not make a right.

Wipe your feet!

Enough is enough! Don't make me stop the car!

What did I just get finished telling you?


Here are some things you'll never hear a dad say:

Leave the lights on. I don't care about the power bill.

You know ... I am made of money. Money really does grow on trees; of course, you can have that toy, book, car, etc. Whatever you want is yours

In my day, we had it much easier than you do. My parents drove me to school even though it was just next door.

Don't save for a rainy day. Your mom and I will always be here to bail you out.

You know, Honey, now that you're thirteen, you're ready for unchaperoned dates.

I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.

What do I want for my birthday? Aahh, don't worry about that. It's no big deal.

What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating's not good enough for you, son?

Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.

Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies--ya know--that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. Have fun!

Father's Day? aahh - don't worry about that -- it's no big deal to me.


This is Rob again. I hope that all you dads have a great Father's Day!


"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." III John 4

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It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.

The Ultimate Post-It Note Office Prank?

I received a humorous e-mail yesterday that I thought had potential as a blog post. I would hate to be the car owner ... once I was done laughing about the prank.

The Ultimate Post-It Note Office Prank?

It definitely raises the bar! Somewhere there's a very unhappy office manager with nothing left in the annual 'supplies' budget .

How would you like to walk to your car and find this?

car with Post-It notes

car with Post-It notes

car with Post-It notes

car with Post-It notes

car with Post-It notes

car with Post-It notes

car with Post-It notes

car with Post-It notes

My wife and I are certainly glad it's Friday - we're working on a special project for our church, are pretty tired, and ask for your prayers. I will be able to explain better once it's over.

Here are a couple of recent pictures of our grandson Drew....

Drew plays hard and sleeps it off

Drew plays hard and sleeps it off

house wren update...

As best as I can determine, the baby birds have died and disappeared. We had several days in a row where the daytime high temperatures were near or at 100 degrees in the last week - unseasonably high temps, to say the least. The little bird house is shaded at no time during the day at all, and I guess the little birdies just didn't survive it. :-(


"I serve a living God, and He can get a hold of me any time He wants." - Dr. Drew Conley

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How many people thought of the Post-it note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?

What Does a Teacher Make?

This past school year was my 35th year of teaching, and I still love teaching and students. This blog post is a reposting of something I sent out exactly five years and one day ago, at the conclusion of my 30th year of teaching. I can think of so many people in my past whose influence on me continues — several of them are reading this right now, and many who have passed away but who, in a sense, live on in their students. I'm sure many of you can think back to a teacher who made a huge impact on your life.

What does a teacher make?
by Taylor Mali

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

He went on to tell the other dinner guests that he thought it was true what they say about teachers - "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

To corroborate his statements, he said to another guest, "You're a teacher, Susan. What do you make?"

Susan, who had a reputation of honesty and frankness, replied, "You want to know what I make?"

"I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I can make a C+ feel like the Medal of Honor and an A- feel like a slap in the face if the student did not do his or her very best."

"I can make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence."

"I can make parents tremble in fear when I call home."

"You want to know what I make?"

"I make kids wonder."

"I make them question."

"I make them think critically."

"I make them apologize and mean it."

"I make them write."

"I make them read, read, read."

"I make them spell "definitely and beautiful" over and over again, until they will never misspell either one of those words again."

"I make them show all their work in math and hide it all on their final drafts in English."

"I make them experience music and art and the joy in performance, so their lives are rich, full of kindness and culture, and they take pride in themselves and their accomplishments."

"I make them understand that if you have the brains, then follow your heart ... and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you pay them no attention."

"You want to know what I make? - I make a difference."

"Now, what do you make?"

Updated 9/1/2010: Someone kindly sent me the name of the author of that poem, and I have inserted his name under the title. He himself mentions that there are several unattributed, "sanitized versions" of the original that have made the rounds and he's not bothered by it. I'll leave what's a sanitized version up since the original contains some stronger language not typical of ivman's blague.


"Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself." - Chinese proverb

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2 teach is
2 touch lives
4 ever

De Agony of De Feet

We've just completed the third quarter of the first year of the Wellness Challenge at the university. If I continue to do as I have been doing, I should end the year in the gold category. This summer on week days, I have no problem at all getting at least 10,000 steps a day with my work at IT Help Desk. One day last month I got over 19,000 steps in the course of my work. The total of my steps for the past nine months is a little over 3,250,000 steps! I should hit 4 million by the end of the first year of the challenge. Sensible walking shoes are a must!

A few weeks ago I got an interesting and at least mildly disturbing e-mail with pictures of some current and past shoe fashion rages in Japan.

Think your shoes are uncomfortable? Look at the latest (out)rage in shoes in Japan....

Japanese red high heels

Japanese black shoes

Japanese black shoes

Japanese black high heels

Japanese red boots

Japanese black sparkly shoes

Japanese black horse shoes

Feel better now about your shoes? How would you like sensible walking shoes like those?

Uncomfortable shoes seem to be a tradition in the Orient. Look at the kinds of shoes that were worn back in the day of the Chinese women who practiced foot binding....

hard to walk

Advanced age does not seem to be the only reason for her difficulty in walking.

hard to walk

This woman was apparently one of those who practiced foot binding.

coming unwrapped

Like many people, you may think your feet are ugly. You might not any longer after you see the next few pictures! Here's the woman's unwrapped foot from one angle....


Here's the foot from another angle....

what it looks like

Here's a close up...


Unbelievable, huh!?

Still think your feet are ugly? Here are a few more pictures that may convince you otherwise....

The heels of time (Time wounds all heels?)...

the heels of time

Time for a pedicure?

maybe a pedicure would be in order

Feel better now about your feet? Ugly feet aren't found only in Asia, huh?


house wren update...

It appears that the eggs have now hatched. They're at that oxymoronic stage - pretty ugly! Here's a picture I took this evening....

the baby house wrens

Want to have beautiful feet? Read on to find out how....


"How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!" Romans 10:15

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If your nose runs and your feet smell, maybe you're built umop-apisdn.


I found some great pictures recently that show blooper type errors.

Detals! Detals!


Here are several road signs that are great bloopers....

not a through toad

people might stop to look

I'm surprised they let the baggage on board!

the baggage was x-rayed

I wonder if English is this woman's official language....

the offical language

Now on to the sampling of the bulletin bloopers....

Actual announcements taken from church bulletins:

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Ladies don't forget the rummage sale at - this is a good chance to get rid of things not worth keeping. Bring your husbands.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Congratulations to Tim and Rhonda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17.

Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

The activity will take place on the church barking lot.

Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.


"If it doesn't produce a change, it's not the gospel." - Dr. Drew Conley

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Live your life in such a way that your colleagues, friends and family can defend you - but never have to.