Today's iv is the next installment of blonde jokes.
Standard DISCLAIMER: Not all blondes are airheads, and not all airheads are blonde! In fact, not all blondes are blonde....
New inventions by blondes--
- Waterproof towels
- Glow in the dark sunglasses
- Solar powered flashlights
- Submarine screen doors
- A book on how to read
- Inflatable dart boards
- A dictionary index
- Sharpeners for mechanical pencils
- Powdered water
- Pedal-powered wheel chairs
- Waterproof tea bags
- Watermelon seed sorter
- Skinless bananas
- Do-it-yourself road map
- Turnip ice cream
- Rolls Royce pickup truck
There was a blonde driving an old (or shall we say, real) VW and encountered engine problems and had to pull over to the side of the road. She got out, went to the front, and opened the hood. A friend of hers, also a blonde, was passing by and saw her standing over the front of her VW with a puzzled look on her face. So, the friend pulled over, walked up, and said, "What seems to be the problem?"
"Well," said our blonde friend, "My VW quit running, and when I pulled over and opened the hood, I discovered that someone had stolen my engine!"
"Well, isn't this your lucky day!" replied her friend. "I just happen to have a spare in my trunk!"
A restaurant in California installed a magic mirror in the women's restroom. If a woman said something into the mirror and it was the truth, she'd receive one free wish. If it was a lie, she'd be sucked up into the mirror forever.
The first woman to try out the mirror was a redhead. She looked deep into the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." POOF!!! She was sucked up into the mirror.
Then a brunette came in to try out the mirror. After admiring her image for a while, she said, "I think I'm the smartest woman in the world." POOF!!! She was sucked up into the mirror.
Then a blonde came in and after staring into the mirror for what seemed like hours, she said, "I think..." POOF!!!
A blonde bombshell walks into the airplane and sits in first class, and the stewardess asks her for her ticket. The stewardess tells her that she only has a coach ticket.
The blonde says, "I'm a cute blonde and I'm flying first class."
The stewardess replies that she only has a coach seat to Atlanta.
The blonde then retorts, "I'm a cute blonde and I'm flying first class."
Just then the captain happened by and asked what was happening. The blonde tells him, "I'm a cute blonde and I'm flying first class.
The captain whispers in her ear, and the blonde gets up and jumps into a seat in the coach cabin.
The stewardess asks the captain what he said to get her to move so fast. He replied, "I told her that first class is not going all the way to Atlanta."
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking. And one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says, "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?!?"
A blonde went into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replied, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry for her, said, "Why don't you go home for the day? We aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
"Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agreed and allowed the blonde to work as usual. A few hours pass and the boss decided to check on the blonde. He looked out over his office and saw the blonde crying hysterically. "What's the matter? Are you gonna be okay?" he asked."
No!" exclaimed the blonde. "Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, I received a horrible call from my sister. She said her mom died too!"
There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a redheaded woman, and she swims off the island.
The next blonde asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a brunette. The brunette builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are ... very slowly?"
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."
A blonde goes into a beauty parlor. Once the blonde is seated in the beautician's chair, the beautician notices that the blonde is wearing headphones. The beautician starts to remove them so that she can work on the blonde's hair. The blonde reacts almost violently, saying that she can *never* remove the headphones, or she will *die*!
The beautician thinks "Ooookaaay," but she keeps her cool and does what she can, working around the headphones. While the blonde is sitting under the hairdryer, she falls asleep. The beautician thinks, "I just wonder...," and decides to see what would happen if she removed the headphones. She tiptoes over, gently removes the headphones from the sleeping blonde, and is horrified to see the blonde gasp for air and keel over - DEAD!!!
After calling 911 (not being a blonde herself, the beautician is able to do this), overcome with curiosity while awaiting their arrival, the beautician goes back to the blonde to hear what she was listening to on the headphones.
Placing them on her own head, she is amazed to hear, "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...."
"It's such a radical world view to want to serve rather than to seek to be served.... It's counter-cultural." - Dr. Drew Conley
I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.