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If Women Ruled the World


In my last blog post I had a good time poking fun at some of the unsafe things men do at times. Since ivman is an equal opportunity tease, today's post has a little fun at the expense of women. I've accumulated some pictures of what things would look like if women ruled the world. Some would quip, "Whaddya mean, IF women ruled the world?!?" Well, anyway, below are some very funny pictures. (The following is not a political statement on the scary prospect of a Hillary presidency. I'm not sure she's "into" many of the feminine touches lampooned in this blog post, though she's reputed to be quite the cookie baker.)

Bowling alleys would take on a different appearance.

Many tools, kits, and objects more often used by men would look quite different also.

Even the once familiar Swiss Army knife might be hard to recognize.

And hiking boots would be redesigned for nature loving women who prefer high heels.

If the male-dominated world of computers underwent a softening effect, things could also look very different.

And computers would actually have an "any key"

Prison life would be even cushier. (We have Martha Stewart to thank for this!)

Credit cards would take on new functions to meet a woman's shopping needs.

Even popular tourist attractions might have to undergo modifications to make them more aesthetically pleasing.

Then, of course, bathrooms would be radically changed to suit a woman's tastes.

Car shopping would be easier for some women, with fewer difficult choices.

But then other cars would look different and have great new features.

And on that same side of the car for the gals in England....

No consideration of a world run by women would be complete without a look at women and driving. A "women's world" would include signs thoughtfully warning of traffic surveillance cameras.

There would be special "women only" parking spaces with appropriate modifications for their special needs.

Finally, a world ruled by women would have proper signage along our highways.

quotation...

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?" - Linda Ellerbee

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint." - Erma Bombeck

Let the comments begin....

Why Women Live Longer than Men


This past Saturday I spent part of the day helping with some landscaping at the future home of Frontline Missions International. It was a hot day and we worked hard, but by the end of our time there, the area we worked on was greatly improved. When I went there to help, I had no idea that part of my work would involve driving a dump truck. Below is a picture of me in the cab of the truck, followed by a picture of me dumping one of the loads of dirt.

As the day went on I was asked to jump into the driver's seat of the backhoe we were using to fill the dump truck.

I really did drive the dump truck and hauled and dumped about a half-dozen loads of dirt, but the picture of me driving the backhoe was just a photo-op - the engine was not even running. Fortunately I know my limits!

That experience made me think of some pictures in my collection - pictures that could explain why women live longer than men.

Some guys don't share my healthy respect for heavy equipment.

No ramp to get up to the railroad car? No problem! The series of pictures below shows you how to let your machinery work in your favor!

The man in the picture below seems to be doing nothing too dangerous.

But the picture below adds some needed perspective.

Some guys don't need to wear protective gear.

But then others have different ideas about what constitutes protective gear.

In construction zones, foam rubber "soft hats" can apparently offer the same protection as hard hats.

Some men are adept at doing necessary car maintenance, even when ramps are unavailable.

Many men exercise great care when working on scaffolding or ladders.

Men in the Western world do not have a corner on the market when it comes to the wise use of ladders.

Some men are skilled at combining heavy equipment with ladders to perform amazing tasks.

When heavy equipment is not available, some men can show great ingenuity.

The final picture is a tribute to the boldest use of a ladder to accomplish the job!

Yesterday (September 9) our grandson Drew was 6 months old. Megan took him for his check-up on Friday and learned he's doing very well, now weighing 14 pounds. That's wonderful progress considering that he started out at 3 lb. 15 oz. as a preemie born over 6 weeks early! The doctor told Megan that she can now start him out on baby cereal. So for his 6-month birthday, Drew tried rice cereal. Below are several pictures of this experience.

quotation...

"Women don't want to hear what you think. They want to hear what they think in a deeper voice." - Bill Cosby

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

Bridges


At the time of the tragic collapse of the I-35W Mississippi River bridge in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in early August this summer, I had been considering doing a blog post about bridges since I had received pictures of several really unusual bridges in the days that preceded that disaster. After the disaster, I thought it best to wait a while. I hope enough time has gone by that my post on bridges will not cause undue discomfort. I've learned, though, that there are some people for whom the thought of bridges will *always* be uncomfortable, and some ever suffer from gephydrophobia, the fear of crossing bridges.

Today I'm going to share pictures and information about five interesting, real bridges. These are not hoaxes - I've checked them out on snopes.com

I'll start out with the oldest of the bridges featured in this post - the famous Y Bridge in Zanesville, Ohio. It's a Y-shaped bridge that spans the confluence of the Licking and Muskingum Rivers. It has been rebuilt numerous times since the 1850s and is currently the only Y bridge in the world. It is also the only bridge in the United States that you can cross and still be on the same side of the river that you started on! When being given directions, visitors are often struck by the oddity of the statement "Drive to the middle of the bridge and turn right." Amelia Earhart called Zanesville "the most recognizable city in the country," referring to the Y Bridge’s usefulness as a navigational aid to pilots.

Below is a picture of the Y Bridge...

Here's an aerial view from an old post card...

The next bridge, also in the USA, is the Monitor-Merrimac Memorial Bridge-Tunnel. It is a 4.6 miles long, four-lane bridge-tunnel composed of bridges, trestles, man-made islands, and tunnels where the James, Nansemond, and Elizabeth Rivers come together in the southeastern Virginia. It connects the cities of Newport News and Suffolk.

The next bridge is in Magdeburg, Germany. The Magdeburg Water Bridge or Wasserstrassenkreuz in German, completed in October 2003, connects two important German shipping canals, the Elbe-Havel Canal and the Mittellandkanal, which lead to the country’s industrial Ruhr Valley heartland. It actually crosses the Elbe River! The overall length is 3,012 feet (918 meters), of which 2,264 feet (690 meters) are over land and 748 feet (228 meters) are over water. This amazing piece of German engineering was first conceived in 1919 and construction began in the 1930s, but the completion was impossible until after the German Reunification in the early 1990s.

Here's a view from underneath....

The next bridge, another marvel in engineering, is located in southern France. The Millau Viaduct or Viaduc de Millau in French is a large cable-stayed road-bridge that spans the valley of the River Tarn. Designed by English architect Norman Foster and French bridge engineer Michel Virlogeux, it is the tallest vehicular bridge in the world, with one mast's summit at 1,125 feet (343 meters) - slightly taller than the Eiffel Tower and only 125 feet (38 meters) shorter than the Empire State Building. The viaduct is part of the A75-A71 autoroute axis from Paris to Béziers. It was formally dedicated on 14 December 2004.

Below is a picture when the bridge was under construction....

Below is an aerial view after completion....

The next bridge is a "pedestrian bridge" displayed at the London Design Festival. It is actually more a novelty than an actual bridge in use. Bridge by Michael Cross is a series of steps that rise out of the water as you walk across them, as if walking on water. On entering the exhibition the visitor is met by an empty expanse of water with one step at its edge. Stepping on the first step causes the next step to rise, and so on. Below are pictures from two different angles with two different "pedestrians." This puts new meaning into the expression "taking life one step at a time."

If you know of another interesting/ususual/bizarre bridge, feel free to post a link in the comments at the end of this blog post.

Thinking about bridges reminded me of a poem that Dr. Bob Jones Sr. used to love to quote to tell in part why he founded BJU. Each of us needs to be a bridge builder in life - this poem is a good reminder.

The Bridge Builder
by Will Allen Dromgoole

An old man travelling a lonely highway
Came at the evening cold and gray
To a chasm deep and wide.

The old man crossed in the twilight dim
For the sullen stream had no fears for him
But he turned when he reached the other side
And built a bridge to span the tide.

Old man, cried a fellow pilgrim near
You are wasting your strength in building here.
Your journey will end with the ending day
And you will never again pass this way.
You have crossed the chasm deep and wide.
Why build you a bridge at eventide?

And the builder raised his old gray head
Good friend on the path I have come, he said
There follows after me today
A youth whose feet must pass this way.

This stream which has been as naught to me
To that fair haired boy may a pitfall be.
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim
Good friend, I am building this bridge for him.

A final twist to this already unusual blog post is the fact that the author of The Bridge Builder, Will Allen Dromgoole, was a woman. She was named Poet Laureate by the Poetry Society of the South in 1930.

quotation...

"The best bridge between hope and despair is often a good night’s sleep." - anonymous

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

I don't suffer from gephydrophobia, but I do suffer from xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly.

Old Age Ain’t for Sissies…


So far, so good on the wellness program. Saturday, the first day of the program, was a little more challenging because my wife and I spent about 5 hours of the day in the car, making a mad dash to the Atlanta area for an hour or so to see the Dekalb Farmers' Market we'd heard about on PBS. It was pretty cool, and definitely worth the detour if you're already in the Atlanta area. We got some neat veggies we can't find here in Greenville - even found some stuff we enjoyed in China!

Sunday will probably be the hardest day of the week for the wellness program with the different schedule involved with Sunday School, church, choir practice, and church again. I got on the stationary bike late Sunday evening, and just couldn't make myself do it, thereby losing a point. Week days and most Saturdays should be much easier, though. I already have earned 14 of the 15 points earnable by this time, and my scales say I've dropped a pound or two already! And drinking all that water each day is already a lot easier! Those of you who read my last blog post will appreciate this - my personal trainer Becka still looks gorgeous!

BTW, I *promise* that, after this, I won't often mention the wellness program in my blog posts. It's still so new that it's on our minds more at the moment than it probably will soon be. If something funny comes up in connection with it, though, that will be a good time to capitalize on it with a blog post.

If this wellness program makes me feel younger, that will be great. I think some of my new freshmen think I'm Methuselah's older, surviving brother, even though I'm not a day over 60! I recently received some good stuff about aging that seemed appropriate at this time.

(I don't know who wrote the following account, but it was not I....)

I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over!

divider

A reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman asked, "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"

She replied simply, "No peer pressure."

divider

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, and medications for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "How 'bout Depend, Poise, and other adult incontinence products?"

Pharmacist: "We have crates of them - so you won't run out ... so to speak."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Good! We'd like to use your store as our Bridal Registry."

This all made me think of a cartoon I'll share below....

What can I say?!

quotation...

"Being is more important than doing. But being what we are has an impact on what we do." - Dr. Gary Weier

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Young at heart, but slightly older in other places.

wellness challenge


I thought I'd do a blog post today since it's the first day of September. I *love* September! Not only is it the month of my birthday, but also it's back-to-school time, the beginning of autumn - my favorite season, and we enjoy lots of good produce at harvest time. At school, today is the kick-off of a wellness challenge for the faculty and staff. It's a voluntary program, but it holds great prospects of personal and corporate benefits of more fitness and improved health. I think at least 2/3 of the faculty and staff have signed on to the program. We give ourselves points daily for each and every one of the goals we accomplish, which are walking at least 10,000 steps, drinking at least 64 ounces of water, doing 30 minutes of aerobic exercise, eating at least 3 servings of veggies and 2 of fruit, getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night, and monthly lowering our body weight by 2% or, if already within the desired weight for our height, staying within that range. (That is a brief synopsis - there are, of course, more details with which I won't bore you.)

My wife and I are going to give this a try! This morning we had a nice walk in the relative cool of the morning. According to our pedometers, we were already half way to today's goal before 10:00 am! Walking will be the easiest part of this thing for us. Some of the other goals will be harder to achieve. I have always thought I drank a *lot* of liquids, but the 64 ounces of water has to be in addition to anything else we drink! Today I felt as if all I did all day was drink water! I also need to try to get it drunk early enough that I don't mess up the 7 hours sleep a night by having to keep getting up to go the the bathroom during the night! 😎

BTW, rumor has it that the grand prizes include a motorized wheelchair and a year's worth of freebies at Cheesecake Factory. I think my sources must be misinformed.... It will be interesting to see how we all do and what we all look like a year from now!

In connection with all this, what is wrong with the following picture?

What's wrong with this picture?

At the beginning of this wellness challenge, I'm posting what I consider one of the funniest things I've ever read about fitness routines. I hope you'll get a chuckle out of it too. I'm fearful that on this first day of the program, I might be a bit like the guy in the story below, when this could actually be a very long year....

The Health Club
by Bruce Cameron

For Christmas this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26 year old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started.

Day 1. They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6:00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be GREAT.

Day 2. Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put weights on it, for heaven's sake! Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Her smile made it all worth it. Muscles feel GREAT.

Day 3. The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am certain that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.

Day 4. Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine. It sank.

Day 5. I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well, I have news for you Tanya, I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage, YOU went to sadist school, YOU are to blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music teacher, or social studies?

Day 6. Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel.

Day 7. Well, that's the week. Thank goodness that's over. Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little more fun, like free teeth drilling at the dentist's.

I originally received this by email from the author who now posts his original humor to his website. (I give his link with my usual disclaimers...some of the content may not be up to ivman's high standards - but hey, all I can control is the content of my site.) 😎

quotation...

"The reality is that God doesn't need you or me to make it." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Does vacuuming count as aerobic exercise?