Here's the second installment of blonde humor. Today's "iv" is a list of Q & A about blondes and some blond one-liners...
Standard DISCLAIMER: Not all blondes are airheads, and not all airheads are blonde!
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair another color?
A: Artificial intelligence
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool
Q: Why did the blonde stare at a can of frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said concentrate
Q: What do you call a blonde with a yellow balloon?
Q: Why do blondes like to wear a pony tail?
A: To hide the air valve stem.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday
Q: Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
Q: How can you tell that a fax you've received is from a blonde?
A: It has a stamp on it.
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four blondes in four cars at a four-way stop
Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 2 quarts of water in the little packet
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: Look! They spelled MACYS wrong!
Q: What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Oooo! Look! Donut seeds!
Q: How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear
Q: Why did the blonde not like her new AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They all drowned in spring training.
Q: Why did the blonde climb over the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side
Q: What do you call a long line of blondes standing shoulder to shoulder?
A: A wind tunnel
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been using your computer?
A: There's Wite-out on the screen.
Q: How do you know that a blonde has been working too long at the computer?
A: There's handwriting over the Wite-Out.
Q: Why does a blonde put TGIF on her shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing ?
A: She was run over by the Zamboni machine.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side ?
A: An interpreter
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes ?
A: A mental block
Q: What's the Blonde's Cheer?
A: I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B-L-O-N- ... uh ....
Q: Why does a blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't do it - they keep breaking the bulbs with hammers.
Q: What happened to the blonde coyote?
A: It got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs, and was still stuck.
Q: What goes VROOM... SCREECH... VROOM... SCREECH... VROOM... SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: Her blinker was on.
Q: What do you call the skeleton of a blonde found in a closet?
A: The winner of hide-and-seek
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow-dried her hair and she didn't want it to get messed up too much.
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like crazy ... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth!
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been confirmed sightings of UFO's.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) Like, I dunno!
Q: What did the blonde say as the sod truck passed her?
A: When I'm rich, I'm gonna have my lawn sent out to be mowed too.
Q: How do a blonde's brain cells die?
Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Give her a bottle of shampoo that says "Lather, rinse, repeat."
Q: What did the blonde do when she wanted a personalized license plate?
A: She changed her name to "ZRF 542".
Q: How do blondes count?
A: 1, 2, 3, another, another, another....
Q: What do you see when you look deep into a blonde's eyes ?
A: The back of her head
Q: What do you call a blonde standing in the middle of the empty room?
A: Central air
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: Five - one to make the dough and four to peel the M&M's
Q: Why did the blonde get run over by a compact car?
A: She thought it was a big car far away.
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Q: What happens when two blondes are walking down the road and the first blonde says, "Quick! Look at that dog with one eye!"?
A:The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a grocery cart?
A: A grocery cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What happens when a redhead exclaims to a blonde, "Oh, how sad - a dead bird!"
A: The blonde looks up and says, "Where?"
Lest we automatically assume upon hearing a blonde joke that the blond is a female....
HE was so blond that...
- he got stabbed in a shoot-out
- he told me to meet him at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK"
- he tried to put his M&M's in alphabetical order
- he sat on the TV and watched the couch
- he tried to drown a fish
- when he got locked in a grocery store, he starved to death
- they had to burn the school down to get him out of third grade
- under "education" on his job application, he put "Hooked On Phonics"
- he tripped over a cordless phone
- he took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept
- he asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
- it takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes
- if he spoke his mind, he'd probably be speechless
- he studied for a blood test
- and failed
- he thought Meow Mix was a recording for cats
- he sold the car for gas money
- when he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved
- he thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill
- when he missed the 44 bus, he took the 22 bus twice instead
"Grace takes care of the if only's of life." - Dr. Thurmond Wisdom
Some people wouldn't know an act of kindness if it hit them in the face!