It's good to laugh, especially at times to laugh about what you're currently dealing with. I thought I good dose of medical humor might be in order. Today I'm posting a list of notes that doctors have supposedly written on patients' charts. It appears that the physician's handwriting may not have always been the issue here....
Doctors' notes on patients' charts...
The patient complains of a dry cough that hurts when he coughs and also when he takes deep breaths for 4 days.
The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.
Patient arrived by avalanche.
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared completely.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
The patient is disabled with a wife from Portsmouth.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a forty pound weight gain in the past three days.
She is numb from her toes down.
The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. ___ to dispose of him.
The skin was moist and dry.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ___, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The other foot has the missing toe.
Because of an outbreak of whooping cough among the university students, our semester has been shortened by one week. That means that final exams are now this week instead of next. There are fewer students with whooping cough than the rumors would indicate, but the situation is a serious matter. The medical personnel are isolating those who have one or two of the symptoms and are administering a 5-day antibiotic. Many are also receiving vaccinations. Becka and I are glad that when we went for our tetanus booster a month or so ago, they gave us each a DPT immunization, the P of which stands for pertussis. Please pray for us all as we navigate through this stressful week. Pray for those overreacting and underreacting, that wisdom would prevail. 🙂
"If it doesn't look like Christ, can it claim to be Christianity?" - Dr. Drew Conley
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are NOT a hypochondriac.