today's instant vacation...
I've received some lists of one-liner puns, which I've compiled for your enjoyment.
A baker's job is crumby, but he kneads the dough.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
A Christmas sign from a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."
A Christmas sign in a bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."
A Christmas sign on a reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
A good pun is its own reword.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.
A lot of money is tainted - 'taint yours and 'taint mine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
An optometrist fell into a lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
A short fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the "herd shot 'round the world."
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Does a backward poet write inverse?
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery. Shocking!
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
He went to a seafood disco last week ... and pulled a mussel.
His wife really likes to make pottery, but to him it's just kiln time.
If someone doesn't pay his exorcist, does he get repossessed?
If you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it; so they gave me the axe.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli when a strong currant pulled him in.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Those who get too big for their breeches will be exposed in the end.
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. - Groucho
Two blondes walk into a building. You'd think at least one of them would have seen it
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit.
Which is worse - Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
You soon find out that a revolving charge is the kind of credit that keeps your interest up.
Starting with this iv, my iv's will no longer go out by email. Instead I will post them here on the blog and also in the iv archives.
"Our daily existence proves that we are not lawkeepers, but lawbreakers." - Dan Brooks
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.