ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Apologies and Scars

There is a rather strange attitude today that we can do and say horrible things, and it will/should all be okay if we just apologize, no matter how lamely. Most "apologies" today go something like this, "I'm sorry if you were offended by what I said/did." There's generally no mention of the wrongness of what was said or done. There's no acknowledgement of wrongdoing and no request for forgiveness. Basically, the so-called (lame) apologies throw the blame on the person offended for taking offense in the first place. And the offended party is expected to accept the lame apology, which really amounts to blame-shifting rather than shame-acknowledgement. As I said, there's a strange attitude out there about apologies. We've heard some in recent years and even recent days from well-known people that are about that bad.

I recently ran across something in my files that reminded me of that aspect of our society and also of an old sermon on film by Dr. Bob Jones Sr. I pass it along for your consideration.

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he had to hammer a nail into the back of the fence. By the end of the first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, son, but look at the many holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a person and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the scar from the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as, if not worse than, a physical one."


One more week of classes, then exams and the end of semester activities. I always say during our in-service week each fall, "Well, graduation is right around the corner." And sure 'nuff, here it is already! Life is truly a vapor!

We received some more recent photos, and I'm sharing several with you.

Megan with Drew in his carrier...

picture of Drew happy in his carrier

How Drew has to sit "side-saddle" for now...

picture of Drew riding side-saddle


"Personal devotion is not about getting something from God, but giving something to God." - Dr. Gary Reimers

=^..^= =^..^=

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Punny Beauty Salon Names

picture of beautification

A few weeks ago, I mentioned our seeing a beauty salon with a funny name while driving through rural North Carolina and asked for other humorous names people had seen for places of beautification. Here's the list in the order in which I received them (minus a few that I would not post):

Million Hair

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

A reader named Anita has a salon yet to be named. Her punny sister thinks it would be just hysterical to call it "Anita Haircut" (I-need-a haircut) Her husband had a different take on it - "Anita Style."

Mane Attraction

Shear Pleasure

Head Hunters

Head Quarters (do they charge only 25 cents?!)

Here's an idea for the name of a hair salon that shares rental space with a dog groomer - Beauty and the Beast

Tangles Salon

3 Designing Women

Curl Up and Dye (in Edmonton, AB, and several other places)

Rock Star Hair - Hmm, I would be hesitant about that one!

The Mane Event

Hairs R US

Hot Headz

Helmet Hairworks

Samson's Locks

Mountain Do's

90% Salon and Spa

Scissor Wizard

Mop Shop Hair Salon

Bombshell Salon


Scissor Happy (might leave with no hair left!?)

If you'd like to add other salon names through the comments, just look for the comment link at the end of this blog post.


some personal updates...

The taxes are done and ready to mail today. Phew! That's one dreaded chore I don't have to feel bad about putting off for another 362 days or so....

My wife and I are finally entering this century technologically - we've ordered a laptop with XP! With a grandson 700 miles away, we've asked his mom to send pictures as often as possible. Our old hand-me-up desktop computer with Windows 98SE and a dial-up modem from our son Mark has been great, but we've been sensing the need for something faster. Now we need to decide soon what to do about faster internet - BellSouth DSL, a Verizon wireless internet card, satellite, other? The only option for cable here is Charter, and we've heard enough friends complain about their customer (dis)service that we'll not opt for that. Any words of wisdom, particularly from but not limited to any of you in the Greenville area?

Our grandson Drew went to see his pediatrician yesterday. He has grown 1.5 inches in length, but the doctor is concerned that he's not gaining as much as he should. He's up to 4 lbs. 15 oz - almost a 5-pound bag of sugar now! 😎 But in the past two weeks he's gained only 7 oz. He should be gaining that amount in one week's time at this stage of his development. (Apparently he's going to be tall and thin like his maternal grandfather.... Actually, the man in question is short and dumpy.)

The doctor made several suggestions and has scheduled him to return next Monday. I'll keep you posted. Thanks to all who've been praying for him. Please continue. We have no new pictures as of now, but maybe by the end of the week....


"Stop pretending you've got it all together when you don't." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

The Squeeze

today's instant vacation...

The owners of a restaurant were so sure that their cook was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 challenge. The cook would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried (weight-lifters, longshoreman, etc.), but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the cafe, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try for that $1000."

After the laughter had died down, the cook said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his first around the lemon and SIX drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the cook paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The little man replied, "I work for the Internal Revenue Service."


I received the following a while back from several people by email. I have checked snopes.com and it wasn't listed there, so I'm assuming that it is accurate.

A list of taxes currently in existence...

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
Capital Gains Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Court Fines (indirect taxes)
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (so many cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax Interest expense (tax on the money)
Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Local Income Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Septic Permit Tax
Service Charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Road Toll Booth Taxes
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Toll Bridge Taxes
Toll Tunnel Taxes
Traffic Fines (indirect taxation)
Trailer registration tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Not one of those taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and moms stayed home to raise the kids.

So, have taxes improved our lives? Do we really need more taxes?!


beauty salon name project...

I've received some funny names of beauty salons people have seen. If you know a funny name you'd like included on the list, please send it right away. I plan to post the list next week.


"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - C. S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

=^..^= =^..^=

If a Osama and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

A Bunny, a Peep, a Mule, and a Pit Bull

The Easter services at church yesterday were such a blessing! Our attention was powerfully drawn to the empty tomb and our risen Lord through the wonderful music and the clear Scriptural message.

We had lunch with Nora and Aron and dinner with Mark and Katie. For dessert we enjoyed one of our Easter traditions - a bunny cake. I'm going to put a picture below of the cake Becka made, decorated with coconut, red licorice, and chocolate chips.

picture of our bunny cake

When Mark and Katie went to visit Jim, Megan, and Drew, the rest of us sent some things along. One of the items sent was a stuffed Peep - a cute toy version of those nasty marshmallow Easter candies. (My feeble apologies to those of you who actually *like* them.) Here's a picture of one exactly like the one Nora sent...

picture of the size of a peep

Megan sent us a picture of Drew with the Peep Nora sent him...

picture of Drew and his peep

This gives you an idea of how tiny he still is!

Here's another picture of him sleeping. Grandma and I miss him horribly!

picture of our beautiful dreamer

In honor of our thirtieth anniversary today, I'm posting two stories about two couples who, unfortunately, were not as blissfully wed as we.

An old farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow often. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began harassing him again. Complain, nag, nag - it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet and caught her smack in the back of the head. It killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.

"And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."


A woman was leaving a coffee shop with her morning coffee when she noticed most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 meters behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking in single file.

The woman couldn't contain her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I'm sorry for your loss and I know it is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Who's funeral is it?"

The woman replied, "Well the first hearse is for my husband."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Then who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her also."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

"Could I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line," the woman replied.


"Eyewitnesses of the living Lord preached the gospel." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

My dog can lick anyone.

Shakespearean Insult Kit

I wanted to post a really nice Easter story I'd received by email some time back, but when I did a web search, I found that I could use it only with special permission. I wrote the author for permission, but it has not yet come. If you'd like to read the story, you can do so at http://www.cresourcei.org/jegg.html where it is posted with the author's permission. My link to this site is not an endorsement of everything else on the site.

I ran across something in my files the other day that I thought some of you might enjoy - a Shakespearean Insult Kit. Use it if you need fresh ideas for when boorish rubes intrude upon your serenity?

Ye Olde Official Shakespearean Insult Kit
(I've seen this attributed several times to Jerry Maguire, English teacher at Center Grove High School in Greenwood, Indiana.)

With this handy-dandy Shakespearean Insult Kit, you can have the spleen of The Bard at your disposal, with all his lexicographical command of vituperation.

To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with "Thou." To enjoy this fully, you really should try to say the Shakespearean insults out loud.

Thou unmuzzled beetle-headed ratsbane!
Thou surly tickle-brained measle!
Thou reeky hasty-witted bugbear!

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3














































































All's well here. *Lots* going on at this time! I've been in a "grading vortex" this week with many compositions and tests to grade. (Who makes these assignment sheets anyway?!) Yesterday we attended this year's Living Gallery with several neighbors who really enjoyed it. Tomorrow morning is our monthly Men for Missions breakfast at church. After that we have choir practice till noon for Sunday. Sunday we're having two identical services for Easter at our church, with lots of special music. Monday Becka and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversary.

Our grandson is 4 weeks old today and is doing fine. Megan is feeling much better and would be feeling even better if she got a full night's sleep! 🙂 The other day I posted several new pictures of him (see the blog entry under this one). When I posted those, Becka wanted me to put out several pictures of our flowers out front. The pictures don't do them justice. They're really beautiful.


"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me." - unknown

=^..^= =^..^=

Wishing you a Blessed Easter! He is risen indeed!


Copywight 2007 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.