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Did I Read that Sign Right?


Kutu Shampoo

Today's post is a compilation of poorly worded or badly translated signs seen around the world. They are guaranteed to make you ask yourself, "Did I read that sign right?"

In an office:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below

Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons

In a Laundromat:
Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out

In a London department store:
Bargain basement upstairs

On a church door:
This is the gate of heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side door.)

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - No ice cream.

In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday, please bring it back or further steps will be taken

In an office:
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board

Outside a second-hand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

Sign in Egyptian hotel:
If you require room service, please open door and shout, "Room service!"

English sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
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Fun with Cats and Dogs


Do you have cats or dogs? Most of my life I've shared living space with animals of some sort — dogs, tropical fish, parakeets, hamsters, cats, and Guinea pigs — pretty much in their order of appearance in my life. House pets can be a huge source of not only enjoyment and companionship, but also work and frustration. Today's blog post consists of some fun pictures of cats and dogs that are sure to bring a smile or two or more.

Some dogs patiently endure a great deal. Here's one that's amazing:

Dog Chalked

More often, though, they get themselves into trouble, as in the next picture....
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Hair Care Challenges


Keep Calm Fix Your Hair

Last Thursday Becka had something happen at home that was a new one for us, and she blogged about it in a unique manner. In retrospect it was quite funny, though it was harder to laugh about it at the time. If you don't check out her post, you'll miss a funny story. I'll just update it by saying that through efforts mostly his own, Buddy is almost back to normal again. Cats are so good at taking care of most of their own hair care challenges.

A while back I read a fun piece called How to Shampoo in French — A reference guide, by Con Chapman. Here's the first part of it:

Forget Iraq, Derrida, and Jerry Lewis. It's time to turn our attention to the principal remaining obstacle to Franco-American understanding: French shampoo labels.

You know what I'm talking about. You're in the shower at a beach or ski house, someone is knocking on the door for his or her turn, and you find that your hostess, worldly sophisticate that she is, has stocked the bathroom with hair-care products from the nation that thinks snails are snacks.

When told to Moussez, nettoyez et répétez, l’un quel est pour faire? (What is one to do?)

You, dear reader, are in luck. The author took two years of French in high school, and most of a semester in college. What follows is a handy reference guide that, if properly laminated, you can take into the shower with you to avoid using the conditioner before the shampoo and spending the rest of your getaway weekend looking like your hair was flattened down with walrus fat. Commençons (Let us begin) our deconstruction of la bouteille typique de shampooing (the typical shampoo bottle)....

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Punchlines


This week's post consists of three jokes, each one slightly longer than the previous, but none of them long. Enjoy!

A guy took his airhead girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially all those players with big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like ... Hellooooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!"

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A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish life-style went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. "Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!"

The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, "Ah, Mozart. You're so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island."

There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, "We're leaving right now. Get your coat and let's get our of here."

As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. "You're angry about something."

"Oh really? You noticed?" he sneered. "I've never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Coney Island? Don't you know the No. 5 bus doesn't go to Coney Island?!"
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Funny One-liners


Why do I end each blog post with a funny one-liner? It's a throwback to the days when my iv mailing was all done by e-mail, I would add a "sig line" (signature line) to the end of each e-mail after I signed off. I've been collecting one-liners for a while and thought it would be fun to do a whole blog post of (mostly) one-line bits of humor — basically a whole post of sig lines.

WARNING: Read this only if you are in a place where you are free to laugh out loud. Ok, you've been warned....

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was young.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

I would rather try to carry ten plastic grocery bags in each hand than to make two trips to bring in my groceries.

LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say."

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Marking the same letter three times or more in a row on a machine gradable test form is absolutely terrifying.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me. I will never again end a work email with the phrase "Regards."

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and then turn on the water.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
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