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Résumé Mucho, Take 2!


Curriculum vitae

Seven and a half years ago I did a post called Résumé Mucho. I know some people currently looking for work who might be advised to avoid some of the statements made in that post or today's. First off, you probably don't want to prepare it on a typewriter as shown in the picture on the right.

Part of today's job search is an eye-catching résumé (or C.V. — curriculum vitae in more modern parlance). A poorly written C.V. can ruin a person's chances of landing that desired position. Below you'll see some examples of statements that are not résumé enhancers! You will have to read some of them fairly closely to catch the faux pas — unfortunate wordings, definitely "oops!" admissions, misspellings, etc. The following is a list of some bloopers that have supposedly appeared on actual job candidates' résumés, job applications, and cover letters:

It's best for employers that I not work with people.

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

I am very detail-oreinted.

My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.

I am sicking and entry-level position.

If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
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Ironic Signs


Last week's post was about irony. This week's post is the first installment of some great ironic signs that my readers have supplied for me. I offer these without commentary. Enjoy the ironies!

AcceptingResumes
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What is Irony?


Ironic Iron

A lot of people use the words irony and ironic when they actually mean sarcasm and sarcastic. Here's a short and possibly oversimplified explanation of the difference. Irony is what one experiences when the opposite of an expected situation or idea occurs. People don't need to go out of their way to experience an ironical situation or idea. Irony can occur naturally. Sarcasm can make use of irony to make an observation or remark about an idea, person or situation. Sarcasm is usually intended to express ridicule. Because of this, sarcasm tends to find more broad usage than irony. Ironically, irony has nothing to do with iron, as best as I can figure out.

That said, I must admit that I have a sarcastic bent that I have to keep in check. I love irony, though, and I love the humor of incongruities that don't belittle anyone. Today's post is a number of pictures of ironic situations, most of which seem to be unstaged.

House pets can be the source of much irony in our lives. Here are a couple for your dog lovers.

Antichewing Spray
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Easy Tests


Studying

Most students and teachers are now on summer vacation here in the USA. I don't want any of them to lose their edge, so today's post is two short tests. Don't panic - they're easy tests. The first test has eleven questions. The answers are further down in the post. No fair peeking!

The Test

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

8. What was the president's name in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of eggs are white" or "The yolk of eggs is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
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Bear with Us


My wife recounted to me a recent news story she had seen about a man in Daytona Beach, FL, who looked out the window and spotted a black bear in the hammock swing in the back yard! Here's a picture of the bear:

Bear in Hammock

That news story and another one the other day about Smokey the Bear turning 70 this year made me think I ought to do a blog post about bears. First, there's a fun, short YouTube video about his birthday, and then I've posted two jokes that have bears in them.

Those of you reading this post in e-mail or in a blog reader might have to go to this blog post itself to see the video.
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