ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Gift Shopping Ideas


picture of Christmas gift

A reader recently sent me an e-mail with pictures of some items I'd never seen before – some things that might make some great Christmas gifts. The e-mail did not say where these innovative gems are available and I don't have time to try to track them down. I wonder of any of you brave souls who hit the stores on "Black Friday" saw any of these gift ideas. Or maybe some of you who are into "Cyber Monday" could locate some of them for us. I would be happy to receive almost any of these things as gifts. :-)

If anyone in your family sings in the shower, you might want to get him or her a Shower Mic.

picture of invention

One thing people never seem to have enough of is storage space. Here's a good solution.
Click here to continue reading this post →

Order in the Court!


picture of symbols of justice

I'll begin by saying that we have several family friends who are lawyers and whom we appreciate very much. It's too bad some of their colleagues cannot be as nice and honest as our friends are. One of the reasons I decided to do this post is the recent case in NYC where a former Guantanamo detainee was acquitted in a civilian court of 284 of the 285 charges against him! And his lawyer plans to appeal the one charge for which his client was found guilty! To me that's probably as much an indictment on the jury as on the lawyer, and this whole scenario is outrageous. Jury jokes are not as plentiful as lawyer jokes, but I have several that poke fun at juries as well as at lawyers.

Now to the humor....

A trial was scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers.

The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. The trial went very quickly — after only an hour of testimony and very short closing arguments, both sides rested. The jury was then instructed by the judge and was sent to the jury room to deliberate.

After nearly six hours, the judge was concerned that the jury had not yet returned with a verdict. The case had in fact turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room to see if they needed anything.

When the bailiff returned, the judge asked, "Are they close to reaching a verdict?" The bailiff shook his head, and replied, "Your Honor, they're still doing nomination speeches for the position of foreman."

divider

An important and very well publicized trial was soon to begin. In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place.

One prospective juror was called for his question session. He was asked, "Property holder?"

He replied, "Yes, I am, Your Honor."

Then he was asked, "Married or single?"

He responded, "Married for twenty years, Your Honor."

Then the judge asked, "Formed or expressed an opinion?"

He stated with certainty, "Not in twenty years, Your Honor."

divider

Two friends were having lunch one afternoon and one said to the other, "I just don't understand, as soon as anybody finds out I'm a lawyer, they take an instant disliking to me."

Her friend replied, "Maybe they figure it just saves time."
Click here to continue reading this post →

News You May Have Missed


With so much news available through various media, many find it hard to sift through all of it to find something relevant to their lives. Today's blog post is a compilation of newspaper articles that may have slipped past even the most careful reader. However, I make no claims to the relevance of any of these twelve articles.

I'm not sure who picked up and ran with this bit of news, but this woman might find more satisfaction in this area of her life if she were on Facebook where birthday greetings abound.

picture of newspaper article

It would be interesting to see how the police plan to accomplish what's reported in the next article.
Click here to continue reading this post →

Do You Love Turkey?


picture of turkey

This is the time of year when many Americans think about turkey. I am looking forward to Becka's Thanksgiving meal in which turkey will figure prominently. But I have to say that turkey is also on my mind a lot because one of my roles in A Christmas Carol is that of the Poulterer — the man who sells Scrooge the turkey for the Cratchit family on Christmas morning. :-)

Today's iv is a story about a man with an obsession for turkey, followed by several cartoons related to turkey that I've been saving since Thanksgiving last year.

A man had such a passion for turkey that he always had some in his refrigerator. He was constantly snacking on the birds and he went through an average of one a week.

This, unfortunately, had him continually gaining weight, and his health started deteriorating.

The man was aware of this but simply could not stop. Despite pleading from his friends, family and even his doctor, he just couldn't kick his addiction — he just loved turkey too much.

Finally, after weighing himself one day and being horrified by the read out, he decided to make whatever changes were necessary to reverse his dramatic weight gain. In time his weight dropped, his health improved, and he felt much better.

At a family gathering, his siblings were amazed at how great he looked. "How did you do it?" one of them asked him.

The man replied, "It wasn't easy, but I quit cold turkey."

Now for the cartoons....
Click here to continue reading this post →

Military Wit and Wisdom


picture for Veterans Day poppy

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all who currently serve our nation in the armed services or who have ever served. Veterans Day was originally known as Armistice Day to celebrate the end of World War I and to honor those who served. In 1954 President Eisenhower's signature changed the name to Veterans Day and the purpose, to honor all veterans.

World War I (also called the Great War) has a special place in my heart. If it had not been for that war, my Grandpa Loach, a soldier boy from northwest Ohio, would never have met a pretty little French girl in Calais, France, and I would never have been born. Calais is not far from an area in France called Flanders. Many of you are familiar with the poem In Flanders Fields, by John McCrae (1919) and its famous first line "In Flanders fields the poppies grow...." I have seen and loved fields full of wild poppies (coquelicots) in that part of France. When I was growing up in NW Ohio, people sold artificial poppies for Veterans Day. I don't know if they still do since I've been gone from there at this time of year for over 40 years.

William Tecumseh Sherman is known for his quotation, "War is hell." I've never been in the military nor lived in a war-ravaged area, but I would imagine from what I've read that that is indeed the case. To combat the stress and difficulties of military life and war, many people in uniform have a great sense of humor. A sense of humor can bring you through a lot of bad situations. Today's iv is a list of quotations, some of which came to me unattributed, from military people.

"Aim towards the Enemy." – Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." – US Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." – USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." – Infantry Journal
Click here to continue reading this post →