ivman's blague

In case you're living in a cave and don't know what's going on in the outside world, there are only four nights before Christmas. In honor of that I am posting four different versions of The Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore (picture on the right). The parodies of this poem are seemingly endless. The ones I'm posting today all come with attribution to the original authors. This post is longer than usual, but I don't plan to post again until next week.

Twas The Night Before Christmas ... For Moms
by Ruth Carter-Bourdon

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the abode
Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping all snug in their beds,
While visions of Nintendo and Barbie flipped through their heads.

The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
With a half-constructed bicycle propped on his knee.
So only Mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,
Which made her sigh, "Now what is the matter?"

With the toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,
She descended the stairs and saw the old man.
He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug,
"Oh, great," muttered Mom, "now I have to clean the rug."
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The news here yesterday sent people in our area scurrying to the grocery stores to stock up on bread and milk. I guess French toast is the comfort food of choice in these parts when the "s-word" is in the forecast. Although we may get some snow from this, today it looks as if the bulk of the wintry mix might be passing slightly to our north, then moving on to bless you folks along the eastern coast. Since our semester ended yesterday, I hope most of our students are already at their destinations.

Our weather news reminded me of several things I've received from readers recently. I'll start off with a picture of thousands of protesters of global warming.

That group would indeed have something to worry about, if it weren't all "Hoax and Chains," as I've heard should be the new slogan of the current administration.

Snowmen are not always taken seriously, but there are some things we can learn from them.

What I learned about life from snowmen...

It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.

It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.
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Each family handles gift-giving differently, and traditions often have to change through the years as the family grows. For example in many families who used to all exchange gifts, the adults now draw names for the exchange. The story I'm posting today is a classic on a gift exchange that somewhere along the line went ballistic. It's one of my all-time favorites that I always enjoy rereading.

Several years ago when I e-mailed the story as an iv, I checked an urban legend website and learned that it really did happen as recounted. What I'm posting includes the conclusion of the matter.
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Some of my readers may not know that I have international relations. My paternal grandmother was French, and I still have cousins in France whom we have visited and with whom I keep in touch. This past Saturday morning one cousin and I IM'd in French for about a half hour on Facebook. Then his dad, who is my age, took over and we IM'd until we decided to switch to Skype so that we could just talk — free and crystal clear. Talking is so much faster for us grandpas. I love having relationships with my extended family in France.

As a French teacher, I sometimes have students who say, "I don't know why I have to take a foreign language." From their limited perspective they don't realize that it's probably never been more important. Understanding other languages and cultures is essential for international relations, not only in the political and corporate arenas, but also especially in the realm of missions.

Today's post highlights examples of botched international relations — some serious and some lighthearted — just what you've come to expect from ivman's blague.
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Did you enjoy tests as a student? Most of us have written a totally stupid answer that made us wonder what in the world we were thinking during the test. But have you ever written a funny answer because you didn't know the right answer and wanted to cheer up the teacher? Of course I prefer correct answers, but I have to admit that the occasional hilarious answer is a welcome treat when I'm drowning in paper grading.

In honor of our final exams next week, today's post features funny things some students have written on tests, mostly on purpose, I think....

Here are some creative answers on science tests:

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