ivman's blague

Do you ever wonder what inspires some of my blog posts? Often it is family news or local and/or world events. Sometimes it's just something in life that strikes me funny and makes me think of something humorous on that topic.

As I run across pictures and stories that I think have the potential for inclusion in a blog post, I put them in a folder on my computer called "Sometime." I do the same with pictures that readers send me. Frequently when I look at what's in that folder, a theme for a blog post begins to form in my mind. This week as I scanned the pictures in that folder, I saw some great stuff that I thought would probably have nothing to do with any one particular blog post. So I decided to put some of the humorous or merely interesting pictures together into one post of wonderful, yet bizarre finds. Here goes.

A while back a reader took a picture of another vehicle and sent me it to me. You have to look really closely to see what some of those "animal pests" are. The one right above the phone number is "spouses."

Here are several newspaper articles I've received that struck me funny.
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Did you ever feel as if you were in an Alfred Hitchcock thriller? If you've seen The Birds, you will remember some of the horror scenes where Tippi Hedren is being chased and attacked by birds. Well, I had a "Tippi Hedren moment" this past Saturday. We were meeting our son-in-law Jim in Cincinnati so that Meg and Drew could go back home after their two week visit with us. While waiting for Jim to arrive, we went to the Creation Museum. Before going into the museum, we strolled to the petting zoo by way of the nature trail. We were enjoying all kinds of flora and fauna when out of nowhere a red-winged black bird swooped down and pecked me on the head. Although we were doing nothing extraordinary as we meandered along the nature trail, we were apparently too close to its nest. I wonder how many others were attacked that day! Here's a scene from The Birds that came to mind.

Our daughter Megan was glad not to be the one attacked by the bird. Before she and Drew came to see us, she had been having to dodge being attacked when she checked her mail. A robin had built a nest in the light fixture on Meg and Jim's front porch. After the babies fledged, Jim fixed things so that that fixture will not be a nesting site any more, and Megan can now check her mailbox confidently.

In light of our experiences, I'm sharing some bird groaners. Hope you pun lovers enjoy them.

(For those not familiar with the term "budgies" used in the jokes below, that's the name in some parts of the world for what others call "parakeets.")

Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yah sure, ve'll take two of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop, get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake. At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

He takes the two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says, "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie-jumping is too dangerous for me!"

VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!
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Does the name Will Rogers mean anything to you? The older you are, the more likely it is that you will remember him as someone your parents and grandparents talked about, since he died in 1935. Though Will Rogers has been dead for that long, his wise cracks and folksy observations live on and are worth being repeated as often as they are.

He dropped out of school after the 10^th grade and often admitted that he regretted it. Yet, he never stopped learning. He became a popular radio broadcaster and published more than two million words in the six books and 4,000 syndicated newspaper columns he wrote. As much as he joked about government, he befriended presidents, senators, and kings. In fact, his son Will Rogers Jr. went on to become a congressman.

Will Rogers may be best known for his quotation, "I never met a man I didn't like," which he also wove into the epitaph he provided for himself:

When I die, my epitaph or whatever you call those signs on gravestones is going to read: "I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like." I am so proud of that I can hardly wait to die so it can be carved. And when you come to my grave you will find me sitting there, proudly reading it.

He made pithy comments and one-liners about government and government workers, lawyers, diplomats, and life itself that are still relevant today. At this time of primary elections here in the USA, I pass on some of my favorites:

Will Rogers quotations

"I was born on Nov. 4, which is election day.… My birthday has made more men and sent more back to honest work than any other day in the year."

"It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you."
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Today's blog post is a collection of signs that deliver some ironic messages. I hope you enjoy them.

The invention of the system of raised dots by Frenchman Louis Braille dramatically changed the lives of blind people. But Braille writing shows up in some of the oddest places — the number pads of drive-thru ATM's and warning signs on doors opening outward, for example. Here's an instance of where the placement of Braille seems not only ironic, but also downright cruel.

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Even if you don't like them, you have to admit that cats are interesting creatures. Although they can be very animated and move silently at lightening speed, they spend about 20 hours out of every 24 sleeping. That is true not only of domestic cats, but also the big cats like lions and tigers. I didn't grow up with cats since my mom, for whatever reason, said she didn't like them. My wife, however, comes from a long line of "cat people." The first summer of our marriage I brought home an adorable kitten for her. Becka thought we should name her Elsa because she was free. (Think: Born Free....) It didn't take long till I was hooked. That kitten (and later cat) was just so much fun!

One reason some people don't like cats is that they don't understand that cats operate by a different set of laws from dogs. Maybe once those who don't like cats know what these laws are, they can appreciate cats more. But then again, these laws may clinch why cat haters don't like them. Anyway, here's a list of laws to which cats adhere, with an occasional personal story from my experience.

Cat Laws of Physics

Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
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