ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

What Is a Father?


picture of father hands and baby feet

In honor of Father's Day this coming Sunday, I am posting a piece by Paul Harvey that I found in my files.

What Is a Father?

A father is a person who is forced to endure childbirth without an anesthetic. He growls when he feels good and laughs very loud when he is scared half-to-death.

A father never feels entirely worthy of the worship in a child's eyes. He is never quite the hero his daughter thinks. Never quite the man his son believes him to be. And this worries him sometimes. (So he works too hard to try to smooth the rough places in the road of those of his own who will follow him.)

A father is a person who goes to war sometimes...and would run the other way, except that war is part of an important job in his life (which is making the world better for his child than it has been for him).

Fathers grow older faster than other people, because they, in other wars, have to stand at the train station and wave goodbye to the uniform that climbs on board. And, while mothers cry where it shows, fathers stand and beam ... outside ... and die inside.

Fathers are men who give daughters away to other men who aren't nearly good enough, so that they can have children that are smarter than anybody's.

Fathers fight dragons almost daily. They hurry away from the breakfast table off to the arena, which is sometimes called an office or a workshop. There they tackle the dragon with three heads — Weariness, Work, and Monotony. And they never quite win the fight, but they never give up.

Knights in shining armor; fathers in shiny trousers. There's little difference as they march away each workday.

divider

I trust that you will be able to honor your father, either in person or as you share with others what's in your memory about your dad. Maybe you'd like to pay tribute to your dad in the comments.

I hope you dads out there will be a blessing to your families and that you will be blessed by your families.

I'll close with a cartoon I found online that made me smile.

cartoon about dads

quotation...

"Well, my dad's stronger than your mom." - Derek Adams to Mark Loach

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who thinks he's usually wrong.

Bizarre Finds


Do you ever wonder what inspires some of my blog posts? :-) Often it is family news or local and/or world events. Sometimes it's just something in life that strikes me funny and makes me think of something humorous on that topic.

As I run across pictures and stories that I think have the potential for inclusion in a blog post, I put them in a folder on my computer called "Sometime." I do the same with pictures that readers send me. Frequently when I look at what's in that folder, a theme for a blog post begins to form in my mind. This week as I scanned the pictures in that folder, I saw some great stuff that I thought would probably have nothing to do with any one particular blog post. So I decided to put some of the humorous or merely interesting pictures together into one post of wonderful, yet bizarre finds. Here goes.

A while back a reader took a picture of another vehicle and sent me it to me. You have to look really closely to see what some of those "animal pests" are. The one right above the phone number is "spouses."

picture of animal pest truck

Here are several newspaper articles I've received that struck me funny.
Click here to continue reading this post →

Ole, Sven, and The Birds


picture of The Birds original poster

Did you ever feel as if you were in an Alfred Hitchcock thriller? If you've seen The Birds, you will remember some of the horror scenes where Tippi Hedren is being chased and attacked by birds. Well, I had a "Tippi Hedren moment" this past Saturday. We were meeting our son-in-law Jim in Cincinnati so that Meg and Drew could go back home after their two week visit with us. While waiting for Jim to arrive, we went to the Creation Museum. Before going into the museum, we strolled to the petting zoo by way of the nature trail. We were enjoying all kinds of flora and fauna when out of nowhere a red-winged black bird swooped down and pecked me on the head. Although we were doing nothing extraordinary as we meandered along the nature trail, we were apparently too close to its nest. I wonder how many others were attacked that day! Here's a scene from The Birds that came to mind.

picture of Tippi being attacked

Our daughter Megan was glad not to be the one attacked by the bird. Before she and Drew came to see us, she had been having to dodge being attacked when she checked her mail. A robin had built a nest in the light fixture on Meg and Jim's front porch. After the babies fledged, Jim fixed things so that that fixture will not be a nesting site any more, and Megan can now check her mailbox confidently.

In light of our experiences, I'm sharing some bird groaners. Hope you pun lovers enjoy them.

(For those not familiar with the term "budgies" used in the jokes below, that's the name in some parts of the world for what others call "parakeets.")

Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yah sure, ve'll take two of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop, get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake. At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

He takes the two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says, "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie-jumping is too dangerous for me!"

VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!
Click here to continue reading this post →

Favorite Will Rogers Quotations


picture of Will Rogers

Does the name Will Rogers mean anything to you? The older you are, the more likely it is that you will remember him as someone your parents and grandparents talked about, since he died in 1935. Though Will Rogers has been dead for that long, his wise cracks and folksy observations live on and are worth being repeated as often as they are.

He dropped out of school after the 10th grade and often admitted that he regretted it. Yet, he never stopped learning. He became a popular radio broadcaster and published more than two million words in the six books and 4,000 syndicated newspaper columns he wrote. As much as he joked about government, he befriended presidents, senators, and kings. In fact, his son Will Rogers Jr. went on to become a congressman.

Will Rogers may be best known for his quotation, "I never met a man I didn't like," which he also wove into the epitaph he provided for himself:

When I die, my epitaph or whatever you call those signs on gravestones is going to read: "I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like." I am so proud of that I can hardly wait to die so it can be carved. And when you come to my grave you will find me sitting there, proudly reading it.

He made pithy comments and one-liners about government and government workers, lawyers, diplomats, and life itself that are still relevant today. At this time of primary elections here in the USA, I pass on some of my favorites:

Will Rogers quotations

"I was born on Nov. 4, which is election day.… My birthday has made more men and sent more back to honest work than any other day in the year."

"It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you."
Click here to continue reading this post →

Highly Ironic Signs


Today's blog post is a collection of signs that deliver some ironic messages. I hope you enjoy them.

The invention of the system of raised dots by Frenchman Louis Braille dramatically changed the lives of blind people. But Braille writing shows up in some of the oddest places — the number pads of drive-thru ATM's and warning signs on doors opening outward, for example. Here's an instance of where the placement of Braille seems not only ironic, but also downright cruel.

picture of ironic sign

Click here to continue reading this post →