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Ironic Funny Signs


It's a well-worn cliché, but often a picture really is worth a thousands words. I've heard from many of my readers that the funny sign pictures rank among their favorite posts on my blog. And readers help keep me supplied with pictures of the funny signs they see. Today's post is a mixture of signs I've received from readers and signs I've collected myself. I'll start off with a few spotted outside the USA.

A reader in Albania shared the picture of the name of a real town in his country.

picture of funny sign

I wonder if it's pronounced Poo-kay. I also wonder if there's a lot of upheaval there.

This sign shows what a difference a single letter can make! (and I'm not talking about the misspelling of the French word omelette, where they doubled the wrong letter)

picture of funny sign

Personally I would much rather have a breakfast treat!

Some businesses offer a variety of services, ... or maybe not?

picture of funny sign

A reader hiking in the great outdoors in the Canadian Rockies spotted this sign, with no restroom in sight ... other than the great outdoors....

picture of funny sign

Here's another restroom sign where you have to look carefully to identify which door is yours.

picture of funny sign

I wonder how many matches have been made as people spend time together trying to figure out which door to use.

This sign is from Hendersonville, TN, not another country.

picture of funny sign

Getting an alignment in this shop wouldn't inspire my confidence.

picture of funny sign

I don't know where this sign is located, but it seems like a poor way of making up for shoddy engineering.

picture of funny sign

In case you couldn't tell what warning the sign was giving, here's a closer shot.

picture of funny sign

I guess it's much easier to put up a warning sign than it is to move whatever it is that's going to bonk people on the head if they don't duck!

I hope the proprietors of this business can clean clothes better than they can install signs.

picture of funny sign

Readers traveling in the Florida Keys spotted this sign.

picture of funny sign

A reader found this ironic sign a number of years ago.

picture of funny sign

I wonder what the restaurant serves if not food or drink.

A reader saw some irony in the sign below.

picture of funny sign

I don't know where this picture was taken, but maybe it doesn't matter?

picture of funny sign

Here's another "maybe" ... maybe I'll feel reassured or maybe I'll feel threatened? Or maybe the sign should read "may be?"

picture of funny sign

I don't pick up hitchhikers, but if I ever did, it would certainly not be here!

picture of funny sign

Do you have a favorite among these signs? Maybe you have an explanation for some of the ironies in these signs. As always, if you spot a sign that strikes you funny, please send it my way!

quotation...

"It is ironic that anyone who appeals to religious values today runs the risk of being called 'divisive' or attacked as an enemy of pluralism." - William J. Bennett

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Advice is usually what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

Indicators That the Economy Really Is Bad


Did you hear that Michael Jackson has died?! :shock: I've had some fun lately asking friends and family that question, acting as if I had just heard the shocking news for the first time myself. With the almost non-stop news coverage about him and his family, you'd have to be living in a cave not to know that MJ has passed away! I have seen the comic strip below online attributed to John Campbell and also unattributed several places and hope you'll enjoy it.

picture of news coverage

That sums up fairly well 95% of the news updates we hear after the death this world's "heros."

Did you hear that our economy is struggling?! :shock: As you well know, the news is full of stories of bankruptcies, layoffs, and gloomy forecasts, all the while struggling to make it look as if Obama is delivering the hope and change he promised instead of making things worse. But if you've been hit hard personally by the economy, you don't need news coverage to tell you so. Because many people have been affected personally or have loved ones affected, I have not been asking people in jest whether they've heard that heard that the economy is in trouble, as I do with the death of Michael Jackson. That said, though, I did have to chuckle at a list of indicators I received recently from an ivman reader who teaches business at my university.

You know the economy is really bad when....

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

You got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

You went to buy a toaster oven and they gave you a bank.

Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.

Officials from the Obama administration meet with small businesses — GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup, and GM — to discuss the Stimulus Package.

Mothers in China are telling their children to clean their plates because children are starving in America.

McDonald's is selling the Quarter-Ouncer.

People in Beverly Hills have fired their nannies and are learning the names of their own children.

The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

Motel Six won't leave the light on for you.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

The bank returns your check marked as "Insufficient Funds" and you call them to ask if they meant you or themselves.

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What are you or those close to you doing differently because of the current economy? I'm sure your personal belt-tightening is more serious than the list above. :-)

quotation...

"Self-interest is not necessarily selfishness." - Dr. Marty Marriott

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Rob

Things have gotten so bad that gold diggers are now marrying for love.

Has Technology Improved Our Lives?


It's undeniable that technology brings with it many wonderful conveniences and opportunities. But has technology really improved our lives? This is a question we discuss in some of my French classes when we read francophone literature that bemoans the changes to traditionally simple lifestyles where Western civilization enters and becomes dominant.

When I think about how different my life is now from when I was a child and recognize how dependent I've become on technology, it's almost startling. And if you had ever told me that I would one day work summers as a PC tech, I would have thought they were crazy!

Below are some cartoons in my files about the impact of technology on us.

picture of technology

picture of technology

picture of technology

picture of technology

picture of technology

picture of technology

picture of technology

Is your life better because of technology? How has technology improved or diminished your quality of life? Do you have more stress or less stress because of all the gadgets and appliances in your life?

quotation...

"Scripture leaves no room for spiritual neutrality." - Jeremy McMorris

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Rob

A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord or its battery life.

Travel Destinations


picture of cloud formation

With summer officially here, thoughts turn towards a vacation trip (my apologies to those in the southern hemisphere where it's now winter ... which sounds good right now as our temps here are in the upper 90s F!) Each country has areas full of charm and also idiosyncrasies. Today's iv highlights some of those "quaint aspects" of several parts of the USA.

If you get lost traveling, how can you tell where you are?

You might be in Arizona if...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've learned to open and drive your car without touching the car door or the steering wheel.
3. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
4. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
5 You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
6. The 4 seasons are tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
7. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

You might be in California if...
1. You make over $250,000 a year, and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2 The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You sleep through earthquakes.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. You think that you're normal and everyone else is behind the times.

You might be in Michigan if...
1. Your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake.
2. The word "thumb" brings to mind first a geographical rather than anatomical significance.
3. You learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your bike.
4. You expect to receive Vernors when you order ginger ale.
5. Half the coins in your pocket are Canadian.
6. You drive 80 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

You might be in New York City if...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature,"
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You might be in the Deep South if...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2."Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
4. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.

You might be in Maine if...
1. You have only three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup.
2. You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. You have more miles on your snow blower than on your car.
5. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all" or "all y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
6. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and Black flies.

You might be in Colorado if...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You might be in the Midwest if...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition, for example "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

You might be in Florida if....
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

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We hope to go north later this summer to see family and for a much-needed "Grandma and Grandpa fix" before the new school year begins. Do you have any travel plans?

If any of you want to make a list for your home state or country or if you can add to any of the above, comment away!

quotation...

"Belief affects behavior, and behavior reflects belief." - Dr. Bruce McAllister

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Rob

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

Poison I.V.


picture of poison ivy

Do you ever get ideas from reading blogs? My wife did a post recently about the inspiration she gets from reading other blogs. Yesterday Bet over at Dappled Things had a post discussing two of my summertime enemies — mosquitoes and poison ivy. I commented on her blog that I am bait for both. Shuddering at the thought of poison ivy reminded me of some quotations in my files.

The I.V. of ivman, for you newer readers, stands for "instant vacation." You can read more about how this whole "iv" thing got started on my about page. My iv's are intended to give my readers some much-needed laughs. I've named this blog post "Poison I.V." because it is a list of borderline venomous quotations that range from cynical, to pessimistic, to thought-provoking, to hilarious! Some of the quotations are actually insults, but I think you will LOL at some of them.

I am always a bit hesitant to share quotations of people that I'm not familiar with for fear that the one quoted is some weirdo or creep. So I will add the following disclaimer — if in my ignorance I am sending a quotation from such a person, I'm doing so innocently. Never assume malice for what ignorance could explain.

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Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. - Ambrose Bierce

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. - Socrates

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. - H.L. Mencken

Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent type. - Fran Lebowitz

He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - Billy Wilder

Journalism consists largely in saying "Lord Jones died" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive. - G.K. Chesterton

Woe to him inside a nonconformist clique who does not conform with the nonconformity. - Eric Hoffer

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

If you leave the smallest corner of your head vacant for a moment, other people's opinions will rush in from all quarters. - George Bernard Shaw

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. - Ogden Nash

Every Frenchman wants to enjoy one or more privileges; that's the way he shows his passion for equality. - Charles de Gaulle

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another. - Frank J. Dobie

A woman in love will do almost anything for a man, except give up the desire to improve him. - Nathaniel Branden

Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. - John F. Kennedy

There is no moral precept that does not have something inconvenient about it. - Denis Diderot

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible. - Jean Kerr

The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth. - Edith Sitwell

Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes. - George Norman Douglas

A woman does not spend all her time in buying things; she spends part of it in taking them back. - Edgar Watson Howe

Washington is the only place where sound travels faster than light. - C.V.R. Thompson

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. - Mark Twain

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms. - Groucho Marx

A modest little person, with much to be modest about. - Winston Churchill (about Clement Atlee)

Suppose you were an idiot..... And suppose you were a member of Congress.... But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial. - Irvin S. Cobb

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school. - George Ade

We live in an environment whose principal product is garbage. - Russell Baker

I get my exercise acting as pallbearer to my friends who exercise. - Chauncey Depew

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. - Eric Hoffer

Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. - G.C. Lichtenberg

When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away. - Robert M. Hutchins

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. - Jonathan Swift

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am. - Samuel Johnson

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? - La Rochefoucauld

The multitude of books is making us ignorant. - Voltaire

We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. - Winston Churchill

In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire (1764)

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. - William James

It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember. - Eugene McCarthy

If they really want to honor the soldiers, why don't they let them sit in the stands and have the people march by. - Will Rogers

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

There is no distinctly native American criminal class, save Congress. - Mark Twain

What this country needs are [sic] more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. - P.J. O'Rourke

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. - Thomas Brackett Reed

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. - Forrest Tucker

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? - Harry Shearer

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. - Alan Coren

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain

I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother. - Artemus Ward

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OK, now did you laugh at least once? And did you notice, there was not one mention of Mark Sanford, Farrah Fawcett, or Michael Jackson?

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.