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Extra! Extra! Read All about It!


picture of news crier

For several years I have been hearing about the decline in newspaper circulation. But recently I have heard of newspaper publishers laying off employees or even deciding to publish online only. I know many people who love the newspapers and who read them regularly. But I also know more and more people who seek their news online, whether it be from the newspapers they've always read on paper or from other news outlets now available.

Recently I came across an e-mail I had received a long time ago that included some hilarious newspaper clippings. I thought now might be a good time to share them. I will pass them along with little or no comment – I'll count on you to comment on any of them that strike you funny. Some of the articles had to have been published on an extremely slow news day!

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

This correction hardly seems adequate....

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

picture of newspaper clipping

This final one makes me wonder why it took the man so long to notice the absence!

picture of newspaper clipping

Are you a newspaper reader? Do you trust newspapers in general or any one in particular?

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This is final exam week here on campus, with graduation this Saturday. I haven't been to Europe in 8 years, but lately Europe has been coming to us! Last week one of my former students who is from Germany and who majored in French here at BJU stopped by to see me while in town. This morning I was surprised to see a former student from England who is here for her sister's graduation. This Wednesday evening a German couple we don't know is arriving at our house. My office mate Phil and his wife are housing two people in the group and asked us to house this couple. They will be with us for a week and a half. My rusty German might have to come out of retirement — it's been 19 years since I last taught German!

This morning I read an excellent blog post by a missionary in Europe and left a comment. His blog is on blogspot.com and some Internet filtering where you are reading this may prevent you from going there. If you'd like to read the post, you can find it by clicking on the following link – Alcohol on the Mission Field.

quotation...

"I read no newspaper now but Ritchie's, and in that chiefly the advertisements, for they contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper." - Thomas Jefferson, Letter to Nathaniel Macon, January 12, 1819

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

New Haircuts


picture of letter man with different hairdos

Shorter hair helps a lot in the summer heat. With the advent of warmer temperatures, my wife and I are both sporting shorter hair, just in the past week. At lunch today, when someone commented on Becka's new do, someone mentioned a classic I sent out as an iv a number of years ago, pointing out how differently men and women behave after a new haircut. (BTW, I don't know who the guy is in the series of hairdo pix. Whew! Not his best looks, though!)

Haircuts - the difference between women and men

WOMEN'S VERSION

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cuuuuute!

Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman 1: Oh no, it's perfect! I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this style, I think.

Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute on you. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman 1: Oh, now that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Woman 1: Do you think so? Oh, you're just saying that!

Woman 2: No! Really, I mean it....

MEN'S VERSION

Man 1: Haircut?

Man 2: Ummhmm.

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The preceding reminds me of a blog post from over two years ago called It's great to be a guy that you might enjoy.

housekeeping items...

With the end of the school year drawing near, I know that some of you who read my posts by e-mail might be losing the e-mail address at which you are reading this. If that's the case with you, please click on the link at the bottom of the e-mail to unsubscribe, then go to the blog and use one of the links to posts by e-mail to sign up your new e-mail address, remembering to complete the process by clicking on the link in that e-mail you'll receive almost immediately.

Speaking of those who read my posts by e-mail, I mentioned in the last post that I was missing several images from a previous post. Two of my readers were able to supply me with the missing pictures! I'm glad I'm not the only "digital packrat" out there! :-D I have thanked them by e-mail, in an editorial update to my last post, and in the post that was missing the pictures.

Do you have any funny haircut stories to share? Or any haircut nightmares? Since I cut my own hair, I have no one else to be mad at but myself.

quotation...

"Where there is a neglect of Scripture, there will be a neglect of Christ." - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob

Two hair-related questions:
Men: What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Women: What hair color do some women put on their driver's licenses..."subject to change?"

“M” is for – - – ?


picture of letter M

Are you ready yet for Mother's Day? With Mother's Day coming up in less than two weeks, I thought I'd do a post about moms that might serve as a reminder to some readers to get that card, gift, or whatever you plan to give your mom. I'm posting three short pieces on the theme of moms.

"M" is for - - -?

Miss Jones had been giving her students in second grade a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Afterwards it was review time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mom!"

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Here's a little different twist on the "M" is for mom theme:

A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book called Comprehensive Guide for Mothers.

When the librarian asked him if it was for his mom, he answered, "No, it's for me!"

"Why would you be checking this book out? You're a little boy."

"Because," said the boy, beaming from ear to ear, "I just became a moth collector last month!"

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It's interesting to see the evolution that mothers undergo through the course of their children's lives.

4 years of age: My mommy can do anything!

8 years of age: My mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 years of age: My mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 years of age: Naturally, Mom doesn't know that either.

16 years of age: Mom? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 years of age: That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 years of age: Well, Mom might know a little bit about it.

35 years of age: Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 years of age: I wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 years of age: I wish I could talk it over again with Mom....

Do you have any comments you'd like to share on moms or Mother's Day?

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(edited 29 April 2009):
When I had to blow away my blog because it had been hacked into, I lost some of the pictures that I hadn't saved on my computer. There were two in particular that I could not replace in the post nice bathroom humor - the sign in a restroom in the Philippines and the sign in the upscale restroom. Thanks to several readers, those images are now restored.

quotation...

"There's no reason to boast in your human pedigree." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

As I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, I wondered what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

A Baker’s Dozen of Funny Signs


Don't you love funny signs?! To me, unusual signs are among the funniest things in the world. You know that some are intentionally funny, but others make you wonder if the sign maker had thought twice about what those seeing the sign would think.

Today I'm posting a baker's dozen of signs for your amusement.

When we were at the Atlanta airport last weekend, we didn't see any signs like these two.

picture of airport sign

picture of airport sign

Here's one that hikers and bikers in Florida might be tempted to ignore.

picture of Florida road sign

I wonder if the crazy woman is in an RV or a tent.

picture of crazy woman

Some signs don't clear things up at all.

picture of cafeteria instructions

picture of sales sign

picture of road sign

Some signs make things crystal clear.

picture of village sign

Some warning signs make me smile or laugh out loud.

picture of pedestrian warning

picture of warning

picture of cig warning

picture of fire warning

picture of warning

What funny signs have you seen lately?

quotation...

"Your heart will fix itself wherever you put your treasure." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

If Airlines Sold Paint…


picture of paint cans

Last week in a post called The Rules of the Air I listed some laws of air travel, both written and unwritten. Yesterday we drove our daughter Megan and grandson Drew to Atlanta for their flight home. It was bizarre to receive a call from Megan letting us know they were safely back in Detroit while we were still driving back to Greenville!

One of the biggest mysteries of air travel is the pricing of tickets. I have heard that the passengers on any one flight would be shocked to learn what the other passengers had paid to occupy seats in the same section. Thinking about this, I remembered something I sent out by e-mail a number of years ago.

Buying paint from a hardware store...

Customer: Hi! How much is your paint?

Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like?

Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.

Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.

From an airline...

Customer: Hi! How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.

Customer: Depends on what?

Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.

Customer: How about giving me an average price?

Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.

Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is $200 paint.

Customer: What? When would I have to paint in order to get $9 version?

Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be kidding!

Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you.

Customer: What do you mean, check to see if you can sell it to me? You have shelves full of that stuff; I can see it right there.

Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have it. It may be the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went up to $12.

Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking?

Clerk: Yes, sir, you see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, I would suggest you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.

Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint and then don't use it, you will be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

Customer: What?

Clerk: That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall, and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the other bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs.

Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all of the paint? I already paid you for it!

Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's just the way it is. We make plans based upon the idea that you will use all the paint, and when you don't, it just causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don't keep painting until Saturday night?

Clerk: Yes, sir, it will.

Customer: Well, that does it! I am going somewhere else to buy paint!

Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules. Thanks for flying – I mean painting – with our airline!

Printed with permission. ©Alan H. Hess, 1998. All rights reserved.

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Have you ever compared prices with other passengers or found out what someone else paid to take the same flight with you? I'm sure learning something like that could be a cause for either gloating or pouting.

quotation...

"A powerful person's whole being rests on air, and God is in charge of the airflow." - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob

Heard on an airplane, "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."