This past Sunday my son told me he had heard that YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook were planning to merge. I was thinking about what a powerhouse that would be until he dropped the punchline. He added, "They're going to call it YouTwitFace!" This started me thinking about mergers (takeovers?) in the news lately, like GM and the US Federal Government. So does GM now stand for Government Motors?
Then this week's news delivered the story of the possibly soon culmination of the Chrysler/Fiat deal. I read in this morning's news that the new Chrysler will be owned 20% by Fiat, together with the U.S. and Canadian governments (who are financing the sale with $2 billion), while over 67% will be controlled by the United Auto Workers. Hmm, it should be well run after that "reorganization"....
In the wake of such unlikely mergers, here are others that would be interesting if they ever took place, or at least more humorous than the current administration's "remaking" of our auto industry. I'm not even sure some of these companies are still in business, but they're names most people would still recognize.
If Yahoo and Netscape merged, they'd be Net 'n Yahoo, with their headquarters located in Tel Aviv.
If J.C. Penney merged with Aunt Jemina, they'd be Penney Aunty.
If Fairchild Electronics merged with Honeywell, would the new company be Fairwell Honeychild?
If Wurlitzer merged with Xerox, would they specialize in the cloning of organs?
How about Polygraph Records, Warner Brothers, and Zesta Crackers?
It could be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.
3M and Goodyear?
John Deere and Abitibi-Price?
Crabtree & Evelyn and Apple Computer?
Swissair & Cheseborough-Ponds?
If 3M, J.C. Penney, and Canadian Opera Company merged?
3 Penney Opera
Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining?
Zip Audi Do Da
Luvs Diapers, Hertz Rent-a-Car, and Krispy Kreme?
Luv Hertz, Donut?
If Knott's Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women merged?
If FEDEX and UPS merged? They'd call it FED UP.
Honeywell, Imasco and Home Oil would become "Honey, I'm Home."
Denison Mines and Alliance and Metal Mining merge and would become "Mine, All Mine."
If Allegheny Airlines merged with Braniff, they'd be All-Bran, the world's most regular airline.
If Grace Chemical bought the Fuller Brush Co. and Mary Kay Cosmetics, and then merged with Hale Business Systems, would this new conglomerate be known as "Hale Mary Fuller Grace?"
In this month of wedding, let's look at the results of some possible and improbable marriages and remarriages. Some of the names below remind me of names like Mary Baker Glover Patterson Eddy (founder of Christian Science) or Liz Taylor if she had retained all her married names — Liz Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky. Phew! Anyway, here goes....
If Yoko Ono had married Sonny Bono, she would have been Yoko Ono Bono.
If Julie London married Bo Bridges and fell down the church steps after the wedding, she'd be Julie London Bridges falling down.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then later married Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Oprah Winfrey married Deepak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then later married Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Tuesday Weld married Frederick March II, she'd be Tuesday March II.
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then later married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
If Nog (Quark's nephew having no other name on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") used his name twice when getting a marriage license, took the name of his bride, and married a girl whose last name was Hughes, and then later married Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.
If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
Do you have any thoughts on mergers, real or fictitious?
"Fascism should more appropriately be called Corporatism because it is a merger of state and corporate power." - Benito Mussolini
Bumper sticker seen in California — Honk if you've been married to Liz!