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Kids on Love

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Everyone has his own perspective on things. The description of this blog right under the blog name reads "one French professor’s humorous and serious perspectives on life…." While I definitely share my perspectives on life, I'm very interested in what others think too – that's why I invite people to make comments on my blog.

Of all the perspectives out there, children have some of the best things to say about many issues of life, some of which they don't fully understand and others that they understand surprisingly well. Today's instant vacation is some thoughts kids have about love. I don't know the source of these – obviously someone who is around children a lot.

Kids' thoughts on love

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's Love."

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss."

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." Andrew, age 6

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell ... that's why perfume and deodorant is so popular." Mae, age 9

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome as anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." Brian, age 7

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." Gavin, age 8

"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing." John, age 9

When they're rich. Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. Curt, age 6

"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs ... and don't worry if their parents are right there." Manuel, age 8

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." Alonzo, age 9

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold ... other people care more about their food." Bart, age 9

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that's on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are - on fire." Christine, age 9

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." Dave, age 8

"Don't forget your wife's name..that will mess up the love." Erin, age 8

"Love will find you. Even if you hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." Dave, age 8

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding the fourth grade hard enough." Regina, age 10

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. Anita, age 9

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. Kirsten, age 10

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. Derrick, age 8

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? Kelvin, age 9

Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. Ricky, age 10


Do you have any quotations on this subject from kids in your life?


"The problem with man is not the lack of evidence, but the suppression of evidence." - Dr. Ravi Zacharias

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Earth to Mars! … Earth to Venus!…

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In his book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, John Gray asserts that women complain about problems because they want their problems to be acknowledged, while men complain about problems because they are seeking solutions.

In anticipation of Valentine's Day next week, I'm posting a classic by Dave Barry that highlights Gray's assertion. I laugh every time I read this!

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine.

He asks her out for dinner, she accepts, and they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to a concert, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and without really thinking, she says it aloud, "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car.

To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Wow. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward ... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a whole lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: ... so that means it was ... let's see ... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means ... lemme check the odometer ... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the rats.

And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. Why, those ....

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have ... I feel so . ." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

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"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad finally to know the correct answer.

"It's just that ... It's that I ... I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her to her home. After he leaves, she throws herself on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn; whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechs he's never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

"Say, Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"


Do you think this is a pretty accurate picture of the relationship between most men and women you know, or is your experience a lot different from this?


"The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed. Think whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal, how can you hope to find inward peace?" - A.W. Tozer

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Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it!

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20 New Logos After the Economic Downturn

Branding is becoming an increasingly important matter today, not only in the corporate world, but also in many other areas of life, including blogging. It seems that choosing a name is no longer enough. Your name needs to be associated in people's minds with an easily identifiable logo. According to the American Marketing Association (AMA), a brand is a "name, term, sign, symbol or design, or a combination of them intended to identify the goods and services of one seller or group of sellers and to differentiate them from those of other sellers."

Before our kids could read, they would still recognize places of business we drove past. These businesses had branded their signs or logos sufficiently well that even small children recognized them immediately. I'll bet many of you had the same types of experiences with your kids, proving the effectiveness of branding.

The current economic woes have prompted some businesses to consider altering their logos. See how many of these you could still recognize if they became the new logos.

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We might as well laugh about things we cannot change, huh? :-)

Several have remarked that I do not have a logo for my blog. I'm not sure what my logo should look like. For most of my visitors, the various scenes from Paris in the header are an identifying feature for ivman's blague - my special trademark. If you were designing a logo for my blog, what would it look like?

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Happy Bonza Bottler Day!

Today is one of the twelve we have each year. You can check out the official page set up and maintained by the family of the holiday's founder. The logo on the right is the official logo.


"We live in a world of unsatisfied desire." - Dr. Drew Conley

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Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

Senior Bumper Snickers

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My wife and I seem to have more and more friends who are considered to be "seniors." There are several places where we are eligible for senior discounts, but there are far more where we aren't yet. Several people have sent me some senior bumper stickers. I don't know if they've actually been spotted or if they would just be good ones.

Senior Bumper Snickers

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today.

I'm in the initial stages of my golden years - SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP...

Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics

Old age comes at a very bad time!

There are three signs of old age. The first is loss of memory. I forgot the other two.

I was always taught to respect my elders. I'm so old, there's no one left to respect.

I'm so old ... I don't buy green bananas

I was at the beauty shop for nearly two hours - that was only for the estimate

Talk fast - I don't have much time!

I'm not old. I'm chronologically gifted.

Just married... for 55 years

I'm so old that when I eat in a restaurant they ask for the money up front.

Old people ROCK

At my age, everything I buy comes with a lifetime guarantee!

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Any day above ground is a good one.

Bald and counting on global warming

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be

Consciousness - that annoying time between naps

Grandma's my name, and spoilin's my game

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The idea is to die young as late as possible

I'm having a bad bald day

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

Anybody seen my teeth?

I must be getting older ... all the names in my address book end with M.D.

At my age flowers scare me!

So far this is the oldest I've ever been.

It ain't the age. It's the mileage.

I'm NOT a Senior Citizen. I'm a recycled teenager.



I can't envision many of those bumper stickers on my car any time soon, though my car could honestly sport several of them.

Please don't tell me I'm delusional, but when I was a child and then as a young man, the people who were the age I am now really seemed to be a lot older than I currently see myself. I'm not talking appearance either – the ones I knew just didn't seem to have many interests and didn't do much. I'm older now than any of my grandparents were when I was born. As a child, I didn't see any of them do the types of activities my wife and I and friends our age enjoy doing. Is it because I'm around young people all the time? Is it because I've had an easier life? Is it just differences of personality and outlook? I simply don't picture myself as old as my grandparents and then later as my mom did when they were in their upper 50s. (Dad died at age 42 - YIKES, was he young!) I identify best with the one toward the bottom of the list - "I'm NOT a Senior Citizen. I'm a recycled teenager."

How about your experience? Those of you who are like my wife and me or who know people in our age bracket (in our upper 50s), do you see things as I described them above?


"Character of steel is forged on the anvil of hardship." - Col. Brad Lapiska

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Live each day like it's your last. One day you'll get it right!

Jewish Grammar Rules

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Does something ever sound funny to you, and you don't know quite why? Or, if you now live somewhere other than where you grew up, do you ever say things that sound funny to others? My wife and I grew up in northwestern Ohio where the word wash is pronounced "worsh." People there also "redd up" the table after meals and "redd up" the house before guests arrive. When we were in college out of state, we had to eliminate those things from our speech, or be prepared to be teased or to explain what we meant.

In several of my classes today we were talking about the placement of adverbs in French sentences. In English we often put short adverbs before the verb – as in the bold print in the first part of this sentence. My students were having trouble understanding why using English word order in French would sound weird to the French who never put the adverb before the verb. I gave them one of the classic Pennsylvania Dutch examples of funny word order, where prepositional phrase placement in sentences turns "Throw the horse some hay over the fence" into "Throw the horse over the fence some hay"), which illustrates a slightly different effect of altering word order.

Along that vein, I found some rules for Jewish grammar in my files and am posting them, followed by what would make some great Jewish Country-Western Hits.

Jewish Grammar Rules

1. When making statements, phrase them as questions. Instead of telling Ida she looks gorgeous, ask her, "Ida, how stunning do you have to look?"

2. Instead of answering questions definitely, answer with another question. When someone asks how you feel, answer, "How should I feel?"

3. Whenever possible, end questions with "or what?" This allows the other person to interject another question: "Has she grown up, or what?" — "Can you remember when she was just a baby, or what?" (Don't be surprised if someone bursts into "Sunrise, Sunset" at any moment.)

4. Begin questions with "What?" For example: "What, my cooking is not good enough for you?"

5. Drop last word in sentence (which is typically a direct or indirect object): "What, do you want to get killed going alone? Harry will go with." (dropping the "you").

6. Move subject to end of sentences: "Is she getting heavy, that Esther?"

7. Use "that" as a modifier to communicate contempt: "Is Esther still dating that Norman fellow?"

8. Use "lovely" to describe actions taken by someone else that the listener should have done too: "We got a lovely note from the Goldmans for hosting the Seder." (Translation: "What, you didn't eat and drink too, at my Seder? You slob, you didn't send a thank you note!")

In using your newly obtained Jewish grammar remember that just because Jews are asking questions, doesn't mean they're going to wait around for an answer. If you've got something to say, speak up. Interrupt often. It shows that you are interested in the conversation. If you're talking and Jews don't interrupt you, they're bored.

Here's a lovely blend of Jewish and Country-Western phraseology and themes...

Jewish Country-Western Hits

For You I Should Be Singing?!

I Was One of the Chosen People ('Til She Chose Somebody Else)

Stand by Your Mensch

I've Got My Foot On The Glass, Where Are You?

My Rowdy Friend Levi's Comin' Over Tonight

You're the Lox My Bagel's Been Missin'

Mamas Don't Let Their Ungrateful Sons Grow Up to Be Cowboys (When You Could Very Easily Have Taken Over The Family Hardware Business That My Own Father Broke His Back To Start And Your Father Sweated Over For Forty-Five Years Which Apparently Doesn't Mean Anything To You Now That You're Turning Your Back On Such A Gift!)

Eighteen Wheels and a Dozen Latkes

The Second Time She Said Shalom, I Knew She Meant Goodbye

I Balanced Your Books, but You're Breaking My Heart

Four Thousand Years of Sufferin', and I Had to Marry You?!


Have you discovered things that you grew up saying that others don't understand, or what? Or have you heard some interesting regional expressions?


“God doesn't call us to blind faith – He's given us lots of evidence.” - Dr. Drew Conley

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"Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!" - Golda Meir