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Work Slogans

picture of conference room

Do you like slappy slogans? Today's corporate world often weds a slogan to their eye-catching logos to keep their brand in the minds of those targeted by their advertising. Some are mere hype, almost like motivational posters, while others really are successful at capturing the essence of the company and its services or products.

Our laptop that was recently assailed by spyware/worms/Trojan horses/whatever is an HP Pavilion that we've had for two years. Hewlett-Packard's advertising slogan is "HP Invent." It's concise and sounds kind of neat, but I'm not sure what it is supposed to tell the consumer concerning HP's products. When I ordered the CD's to restore our laptop, HP mailed them to me through FedEx, which I understand is a sister company of HP. I had to pay $14.95 for shipping and handling. When I saw from the tracking that the CD's were picked up in Greenville SC, shipped to Charlotte NC, and then back to where we live in Greenville SC, I labeled it "shipping and mishandling." FedEx's slogan is "Relax, it's FedEx." It's not that I wasn't relaxing, but it was puzzling to watch the tracking, wondering where else my CDs's would go before I got them. And believe it or not, they arrived the day after I ordered them! But I could have driven to pick them up more cheaply than the cost of shipping and mishandling....

I looked in my files to see if I had anything along this line and found some "work slogans." I think that some must be the slogans of the employees rather than the employers.

Slogans at the Work Place

We put the "K" in "Kwality"

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings – they did it by killing all those who opposed them

A person who smiles in the face of adversity ... probably has a scapegoat

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether

TEAMWORK ... means never having to take all the blame yourself

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos ... then you probably haven't completely understood the situation

We waste time, so you don't have to

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break


Succeed in spite of management

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment

We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day

The beatings will continue until morale improves


For those who receive the e-mail versions of my blog posts, I'm sorry for the double mailing. It was just part of getting everything back into place when I uploaded the older, uninfected database. I hope I'm on the "far side" of the worm debacle now! A word to the wise (and anyone else reading this) – if you go to a website and get a message that you need to click on something to update your Flash/Shockwave player, don't do it! Go to the Adobe site to do that update! I think that may be how the rootkit got installed on our system.

Today, tomorrow, and Saturday is the annual Living Gallery on campus. If you live close to Greenville to, you really should consider attending one of the identical presentations. There are still seats available.

This Saturday our daughter Megan and grandson Drew will be arriving to spend a week with us. Brace yourself for pictures and stories next week. 😀

Do you have a favorite company slogan? Can you share one that either makes no sense or is just plain wrong?


"Every time you sin, you're worshiping the devil." - David Hosaflook

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The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.

Worms – Friends or Foes?

picture of worms

What comes to your mind when you hear the word worms? In the past several days I've had some experiences with good worms and with bad worms. I'll start off with good worms – the kind that work for us in our yards and gardens. For years my wife and I have been composting as a means of adding organic material to fertilize our garden. I have a row of hedges in the back corner of our yard that is perfect for hiding my compost heap. This past Saturday I moved blocks around to make the compost area longer and more narrow. In the process, I saw hundreds of earthworms that were happily munching away at the goodies put in the heap every couple of days. Here's a picture of a corner of our compost bin. You can see the rich dark dirt in it.

picture of compost heap

The project I mentioned above was one I've been planning to do for a while, but on Saturda it was a diversion to go outside and away from our laptop. At the end of last week it became evident that, in spite of our firewall and anti-virus program, our computer had a worm. To tell the truth, I don't really know which one we had. I kept rescanning the computer, each time turning up a worm or Trojan horse with a different name. The virus program and also the anti-spyware programs both declared each one either "healed" or removed, but if I scanned again, they would turn up more worms or Trojans as a threat. They finally incapacitated my updating my virus projection or going to the company website.

By Friday evening I began to suspect that my wife's blog had been hacked. I e-mailed my web host who wrote back to confirm my suspicions – her blog was saying its source was in China, which is where the various worms were from also. Related? I'll spare you the details, but I basically had to blow away her blog, reinstall WordPress and upload the most recent, safe backup of her database. She lost a few comments, but that's all. Shortly after I finished that, I received an e-mail saying that visiting my blog had set off this person's antivirus alarm. So I had to do the same with my blog. I lost the database that stores the polls, and so all that info is gone.

This whole time I was fighting that so that I wasn't causing problems for my visitors, I still hadn't fixed our laptop. The solution was to do a "destructive restore" which formatted the C: drive and then restored the laptop to the way it was when we bought it two years ago. So since then, I've been trying to "rebuild my kingdom" by reinstalling our various programs and trying to get things back the way we like them. What a nightmare! I told my wife Becka that a Mac is looking better and better when it comes time to replace this computer, which I was ready to burn at one point this weekend!

Just as I was putting the finishing touches on this post on our laptop, the virus program popped up an alert saying there were two threats on our laptop. But HOW?! 😯 It moved the one file to the virus vault, but it said it could not heal or remove the other one. Big help! So I fear that all the hours that I've spent the last few days are for naught. Apparently the worm has crawled into the D: drive where the restore program is?

Added Tuesday evening, April 7: I've ordered restore disks from HP and will redo my computer sometime.... First, though, I had to rebuild my blog for the second time in several days.

As happy as I am to have hundreds of worms in our compost heap, the word worm currently causes great disgust in me! I had decided that it would be appropriately inappropriate to post some puns about worms, just to try to laugh a little about an otherwise dreary situation, and I'm going to go ahead with this post. (Never fear – I'm posting this from my school computer.) 🙂

On to the levity....

What do you call it when worms take over the world?
Global Worming

How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!

Why was the glow worm unhappy?
Because her children weren't all that bright.

What kind of worm do you use for math?
An inch worm

What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other.

What do worms leave round their bathtubs?
The scum of the earth

What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
Biting into an apple and finding a half of a worm!

What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant?
Very big worm holes in your garden!

Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.

What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you!

What is life like for a wood worm ?
Boring !

Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag?
They can lighten your load!

What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python?
A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death!

What did the worm say to the other worm when he was late coming home?
Where in the earth have you been!

What is the best advice to give a worm?
Sleep late!


"I just swallowed an earthworm," said Tom with bated breath.

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The early bird still has to eat worms.

Signs of Spring

picture of crocus

Ah, Springtime! Such a wonderful and miserable time of year! Here in South Carolina some of our spring flowers are already gone by – crocuses, hyacinths, and some types of daffodil – while other daffodils are blooming, along with forsythia bushes, tulips, and creeping phlox. Many trees are pollinating big-time, a fact of which we allergy sufferers are well aware. The temps are a roller coaster, and we're enjoying much-needed rain. We're getting so much rain lately that it's almost as if the Lord is saying, "Drought, schmought."

Thinking about these signs of spring got me thinking about a dozen assorted signs for your amusement.

One of the dangers of spring's warmer weather is the thinning of the ice, but only if you are not thin yourself, according to this sign.

picture of sign

This sign is almost illegible, the tree has grown over it so much. I wonder how many hit this bad curve way too fast....

picture of sign

This picture of a sign was taken at a Burger King in the Detroit area.

picture of sign

These three signs leave me scratching my head.

picture of sign

picture of sign

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People seem to delight in disregarding some signs.

picture of sign

Some signs let you know you are not being disregarded.

picture of sign

picture of sign

This sign conjures up all kinds of weird scenarios in my mind.

picture of sign

Spring shoppers see some interesting warning signs.

picture of sign

picture of sign

If you see a funny sign, please take a picture of it and send it my way! Also, if you have an idea for a poll for my readers, please write me about it.


"As a slave of God, you can be free from everything else." - Dr. Drew Conley

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Official sign near door: Door alarmed

Hand-printed sign nearby: Window frightened

Shocking Headlines

(I added this post back in after having to rebuild my blog for the second time in several days.)

Imagine my shock to get our newspaper this morning and see the following headline and lead story!

picture of newspaper headline

I really don't know how to react to this. I know that our current administration feels that the present, as well as the past and the future, is no time for happiness. But to come after me in this way just makes me want to scream out, "April Fools!

I recently learned about an online tool with which you can have a lot of fun by generating your own fake newspaper headlines. If you'd like to try it out, head on over to http://www.fodey.com/generators/newspaper/snippet.asp

Here are some headlines you might see out in the future.

Headlines for 2043

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock

Baby conceived naturally ... Scientists stumped

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $1.6 million

Barack Obama seeks emperorship, but President Chelsea Clinton blocks his move

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2044 if Chelsea declines fifth term

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2046

Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%


Do you have a favorite April Fool's trick that you enjoy pulling on friends and family?


"This generation of shepherds will answer for this generation of sheep." - Dr. Clarence Sexton

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Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh d'Etat!


picture of will

What have you inherited? Inheritance is far more than what can be listed in a "last will and testament." Some of what makes up our "inheritance" becomes crystal clear when we, as parents, look at our children and see ourselves, our parents, and/or our grandparents in our children's appearance, mannerisms, interests, and personalities. For instance, I've inherited my dad's bizarre sense of humor and have passed it on to my own children. I have also inherited from both of my parents a body with the annoying ability to extract every calorie and every fat gram from every ounce of food that passes through my lips! Some of what we pass on to our children is not fully realized until our children are well into adulthood. Read on....

This past week I was strongly reminded of several other physical traits that get passed on from generation to generation in our family. Our son Mark has given blood frequently over the past ten years. His blood is highly sought after by the blood-letters since he is a universal donor, O-negative. He is fortunate not to have inherited my tendency to vasovagal episodes when giving blood, unlike our daughter Nora who shares the same issues that dear old dad grapples with. However, this past Monday, for the first time, Mark had a reaction to the chlorhexidine gluconate that is now being used to clean the arm before the needle is inserted. His was the same reaction I described in my post medical faux pas, and his arm looks every bit as bad as mine did. The doctor put him on Prednisone for a week to try to throw off the ill effects of the reaction. Poor guy!

For most of my life I have known that type 2 diabetes does not run in my family – it gallops! My great-grandmother had diabetes, as did my grandfather and his nine siblings, as does my mother whose younger sister is officially prediabetic. My extended family is far-flung and has not kept in close contact, and therefore I do not know what is happening in many of their lives. However, last week I heard about the first person I know of in my generation of my great-grandma's family who has now been diagnosed with diabetes. I figure that it's just a matter of time until I become diabetic, but I've been doing everything I can to delay the onset for as long as possible.

These two bits of news got me to thinking about what we inherit. The following jokes poke fun at different aspects of inheritances and heritage.

Inheritance jokes...

A little boy came home from school one day and handed his father his grade card, with nothing but D's and F's on it. Before the father had time to react, the boy asked him, "So tell me, Dad, is it heredity or environment?"


A man died with $30,000 to his name. He wanted to be remembered after he was gone, and his last request was that his wife be sure to buy a nice memorial stone. After everything was done at the funeral home and cemetery, she told her closest friend that there was none of the $30,000 left.

The friend exclaimed, "How can that be?!"

The widow said, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the church. That was $500 in my husband's honor, and I spent another $500, you know, for the wake, the food, etc. The rest went for the memorial stone he insisted on."

The friend asked, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My word, how big is it?!"

The widow replied, "Three carats."


A math teacher posed this problem, "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One fifth is to go to his wife, one fifth is to go to his son, one sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each one get?"

The savvy student answered, "A lawyer!"


A woman asks her husband, "Do you love me only because my father died and left me a fortune?"

"Of course not," he says. "I'd love you no matter who left you the money."


Two friends meet in the street. One looked forlorn and almost on the verge of tears. The other man said, "Hey, how come you look like your whole world caved in?"

The sad fellow said, "Well, let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."

"Well, that's sad about your uncle, but all that money is not bad either."

"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew died and left me eighty-five thousand, free and clear."

"Wow, I'd like that!"

"Last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million from him."

"Then, how come you look so glum?!"

"This week ... nothing yet!"


A highly successful business man wrote in his last will and testament: To my high school teacher, who always told me I'd never amount to anything and whom I promised to mention in my will, "Hi, Mrs. Matthews!"


Besides various physical conditions and the "stuff" found in our last will and testament, there are other important bits of heritage we pass on to our children. What are you seeking to pass on to your children that cannot be quantified in a will? Some people concentrate more on inherited conditions over which they don't have control or on a large inheritance which we've seen lately can take wings and fly away. What values and ideals are you seeking to pass on to your children? It is undeniable that more is caught than is taught.


"Do you ever daydream about what God could do with your life? ... We need Christian dreamers." - Rob Campbell

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"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." - Herbert Hoover

Apparently the national debt has been around for quite a while if Hoover was talking about it. He would probably be shocked to know what it has become and to what dizzying heights (or depths) our current leaders are trying to send it!

picture of national debt cartoon