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Police Comments

I know several police officers, and my hat goes off to them and their colleagues for doing what *has* to be one of the most difficult and dangerous jobs in the world. I am thankful that there are people who are willing to be police officers to protect the rest of us from much evil that would run rampant in society without them. I've recently received an email with a list of comments made by police to individuals who were being stopped for one reason or another. I've tried to verify the comments on snopes.com but found nothing to say whether they are real.

The following police comments were supposedly taken from actual police car videos around the country:

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them a while."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you *another* ticket."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey doo."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."


Wow, huh?! At least amid what seem like some rather harsh comments, I do detect a note of ironic, if not sarcastic, humor.


ivman update...

Since the iv's are basically "archived" here on the blog, I will not be updating the iv archives. For those who haven't visited the archives, the tab at the top of this page will take you to four years' worth of iv's, in chronological order.


"God sometimes deals with us by letting our sins deal with us." - Dr. Stephen Jones

=^..^= =^..^=

Gene Police: "YOU... Out of the pool!"

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1 Comment on “Police Comments”

  1. #1 Sarah Barker
    on Feb 27th, 2007 at 4:53 pm

    Very cute! I just read these to Joe. We laughed out loud! He can’t say he has used any of these specific ones though. 🙂 Thank you for your post about Police Officers and giving them *good* credit. You are right, its a very difficult job on the individual as well as families. It takes a special person to do their job.
    Sarah Barker