As much as it is supposed to simplify our lives, technology seems to make them more complicated as more is expected of us and controls us far more than it frees us. Today's blog post highlights an area of control that most of us never thought we would have to face in the workplace! Here's a note to employees that you would hate to receive from the personnel office:
Re: Restroom Trip Policy
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restrooms under informal guidelines. Effective Oct. 6, 2008, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time, thereby ensuring equal treatment to all employees. Until all necessary equipment is finally put in place on October 6, adherence to the new RTP will be on the honor system.
Under the new RTP, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month employees will be given twenty (20) Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.
In the next two weeks the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations, computer-linked voice print recognition devices, and all the other equipment described below. Before the effective date of the new RTP, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to Human Resources. The voice print recognition stations will be optional and not restrictive for this month. Please acquaint yourself with the stations during that period.
Once that equipment is in place and it's possible to monitor the restrooms electronically, if the employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first working day of the following month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is being occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm tone will sound throughout each building's intercom. Immediately afterward our new advanced voice synthesis system will announce the name of the delinquent employee and his or her department. Ten seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will spring open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.
The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board in the respective departments and on our intranet home page. Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this new RTP, please contact HR. They have all received advanced instructions.
We know you will want to co-operate so that this new policy can be expedited smoothly.
Aren't you glad that the preceding is totally made up? But isn't it scary that it's true enough to life to be almost believable?!
The memorial service for my friend Paul Long was at 10:00 a.m. today. His siblings - two sisters and a brother - and several nephews were able to make the cross-country trip to be with Paul's wife and son. You can read several nice tributes - the first an article about him and his family and the second a tribute his school put out on their website about Paul - by clicking here and here.
Back to the topic of today's blog post... I'd love to your comments about how technology has changed your life, both for better and for worse.
"Technology has just enabled us to commit the same old sins in a more hi-tech fashion." - Dr. Bob Jones Jr.
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.
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