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Rules of the Road

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Summer vacation is in full swing, which means lots of people traveling lots of miles (or kilometers). As a special service to any of my readers who might be joining those on the roads, here are some of the rules that are apparently the "code of the road" for many other drivers out there.

Rules of the Road

Turn signals will give away your next move. Never use them, just to maintain the element of surprise.

Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you. This space will just be filled by another car, creating a hazard, and you'll have to slow down to create another safe space, which will be filled by yet another car. You'll have to slow down again and will never reach your destination on time.

It is assumed that police cars traveling at a high speed – especially with their sirens on – may be followed safely, allowing you to make up for time lost by constantly slowing down to achieve a safe zone between you and the car in front of you.

Crossing more than one lane at a time marks you as an expert driver and feels dangerously cool. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered going with the flow.

Never get in the way of an older model car that needs extensive body work. He has nothing to lose.

Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible, forcing the anti-lock brake system (ABS) to kick in so the pulsating brake pedal will give you a foot massage. If you don't have ABS, it's an opportunity to stretch your leg.

Electronic traffic warning signs are only there to distract you from the nearby police car clocking you on radar. Pay them no attention.

Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

Swerve abruptly. This is known as high-speed slalom driving. The DOT places pot holes in various locations to test drivers' reflexes.

Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.

A right lane construction closure (with lane closing warning signs one mile earlier) is just a fun game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right, as you sit in the left lane waiting for those extra-special people who were too good to merge left to squeeze their way back in near the head of the pack before hitting the orange construction barrels.

Throwing litter on the roads adds a touch of color to the landscape and keeps Adopt-A-Highway teams and minimum security prisoners occupied.

Honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

Heavy fog, snow, wind, or rain make no difference to the above rules. These weather conditions are nature's way of ensuring employment for auto body shops, junkyards, and car salespeople.

Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

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Have you observed any other drivers' behaviors that you could state in the form of a rule you could share with my other readers?


"We give to God to show Him we think He's valuable, not because He's poor.." — Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

The road to success always seems to be under construction.

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7 Comments on “Rules of the Road”

  1. #1 Kathleen
    on Jul 6th, 2011 at 7:22 am

    A couple Brit specific ones:

    If you see a car with a red “L” plate (which indicates that a learner is driving), pull out in front of them. Or tailgate them. It will help them learn to deal with hazards.

    Never signal left before exiting a roundabout. This will cause other drivers to brake, and then accelerate, which is more fun for their passengers. It is especially effective to signal right as you exit.

  2. #2 Brian
    on Jul 6th, 2011 at 8:18 am

    When traveling in front of someone you know or who knows you, you should use the opposite turn signal of what you intend to do. This will let the person behind you know that you are acknowlegding their presence and is a sign of respect and admiration.

  3. #3 Vikki
    on Jul 6th, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Never let a merging driver into your lane on the highway. You were there first!

    Drive as close as possible to the car in front of you. He paid good money for those bumper stickers and you’ll make his day if you take the time to read them.

  4. #4 Cary
    on Jul 6th, 2011 at 10:07 am

    Drive and aim are synonyms.

  5. #5 Michael A
    on Jul 6th, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Headlights are the sure mark of a novice. Expert drivers have mastered using only streetlights and the headlights of the aforementioned novices.

    Driving can be a team sport. Points are given based on the following criteria:
    – length of conversation between vehicles with windows rolled down
    – length of delay at traffic lights while continuing conversation above
    – number of vehicles/lanes blocked due to maintaining appropriate distance and speed to hold a conversation

  6. #6 Bonnijean Marley
    on Jul 6th, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    You don’t have to stop for a red light if the car in front of you enters the intersection. Just stay close behind the car in front of you even if the light was red before that driver entered the intersection. At least 3 or 4 cars can go through a red light before the cars with the right of way start into the intersection. It’s just a game of chicken.

  7. #7 Jeremy Patterson
    on Jul 12th, 2011 at 8:26 am

    I drove to Montreal, Canada, from Greenville, SC, last week and then back again. So after many, many hours on interstates, I have carefully formulated the following rule:

    When on a crowded two-lane interstate, pull into the passing lane beside a slow-moving car. Match its speed so as to slow down all of the cars trying to pass the slow-moving car. Within 4-5 minutes, you should easily have 25-30 cars behind you.