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Rules of the Road

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Summer vacation is in full swing, which means lots of people traveling lots of miles (or kilometers). As a special service to any of my readers who might be joining those on the roads, here are some of the rules that are apparently the "code of the road" for many other drivers out there.

Rules of the Road

Turn signals will give away your next move. Never use them, just to maintain the element of surprise.

Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you. This space will just be filled by another car, creating a hazard, and you'll have to slow down to create another safe space, which will be filled by yet another car. You'll have to slow down again and will never reach your destination on time.

It is assumed that police cars traveling at a high speed – especially with their sirens on – may be followed safely, allowing you to make up for time lost by constantly slowing down to achieve a safe zone between you and the car in front of you.

Crossing more than one lane at a time marks you as an expert driver and feels dangerously cool. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered going with the flow.

Never get in the way of an older model car that needs extensive body work. He has nothing to lose.

Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible, forcing the anti-lock brake system (ABS) to kick in so the pulsating brake pedal will give you a foot massage. If you don't have ABS, it's an opportunity to stretch your leg.

Electronic traffic warning signs are only there to distract you from the nearby police car clocking you on radar. Pay them no attention.

Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

Swerve abruptly. This is known as high-speed slalom driving. The DOT places pot holes in various locations to test drivers' reflexes.

Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.

A right lane construction closure (with lane closing warning signs one mile earlier) is just a fun game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right, as you sit in the left lane waiting for those extra-special people who were too good to merge left to squeeze their way back in near the head of the pack before hitting the orange construction barrels.

Throwing litter on the roads adds a touch of color to the landscape and keeps Adopt-A-Highway teams and minimum security prisoners occupied.

Honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

Heavy fog, snow, wind, or rain make no difference to the above rules. These weather conditions are nature's way of ensuring employment for auto body shops, junkyards, and car salespeople.

Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

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Have you observed any other drivers' behaviors that you could state in the form of a rule you could share with my other readers?


"We give to God to show Him we think He's valuable, not because He's poor.." — Drew Conley

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The road to success always seems to be under construction.