I wanted to post a really nice Easter story I’d received by email some time back, but when I did a web search, I found that I could use it only with special permission. I wrote the author for permission, but it has not yet come. If you’d like to read the story, you can do so at http://www.cresourcei.org/jegg.html where it is posted with the author’s permission. My link to this site is not an endorsement of everything else on the site.
I ran across something in my files the other day that I thought some of you might enjoy - a Shakespearean Insult Kit. Use it if you need fresh ideas for when boorish rubes intrude upon your serenity?
Ye Olde Official Shakespearean Insult Kit
(I’ve seen this attributed several times to Jerry Maguire, English teacher at Center Grove High School in Greenwood, Indiana.)
With this handy-dandy Shakespearean Insult Kit, you can have the spleen of The Bard at your disposal, with all his lexicographical command of vituperation.
To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with “Thou.” To enjoy this fully, you really should try to say the Shakespearean insults out loud.
SAMPLES:
Thou unmuzzled beetle-headed ratsbane!
Thou surly tickle-brained measle!
Thou reeky hasty-witted bugbear!
| Column 1 | Column 2 | Column 3 |
|
bawdy beslubbering bootless churlish clouted craven currish dankish paunchy pribbling puking puny qualling rank reeky spongy surly tottering unmuzzled vain venomed villainous wayward weedy yeasty |
bat-fowling beef-witted beetle-headed boil-brained clapper-clawed clay-brained crook-pated dismal-dreaming ill-breeding ill-nurtured knotty-pated milk-livered motley-minded onion-eyed plume-plucked rude-growing shard-borne sheep-biting spur-galled swag-bellied tardy-gaited tickle-brained toad-spotted unchin-snouted weather-bitten |
baggage barnacle bladder boar-pig bugbear bum-bailey canker-blossom clack-dish clotpole lout maggot-pie malt-worm mammet measle minnow miscreant pignut pumpion ratsbane skainsmate strumpet varlet vassal whey-face wagtail |
All’s well here. *Lots* going on at this time! I’ve been in a “grading vortex” this week with many compositions and tests to grade. (Who makes these assignment sheets anyway?!) Yesterday we attended this year’s Living Gallery with several neighbors who really enjoyed it. Tomorrow morning is our monthly Men for Missions breakfast at church. After that we have choir practice till noon for Sunday. Sunday we’re having two identical services for Easter at our church, with lots of special music. Monday Becka and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversary.
Our grandson is 4 weeks old today and is doing fine. Megan is feeling much better and would be feeling even better if she got a full night’s sleep! 
The other day I posted several new pictures of him (see the blog entry under this one). When I posted those, Becka wanted me to put out several pictures of our flowers out front. The pictures don’t do them justice. They’re really beautiful.
quotation…
“God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.” - unknown
=^..^= =^..^=
Wishing you a Blessed Easter! He is risen indeed!
Rob
Copywight 2007 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
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on Apr 6th, 2007 at 9:01 am
Can I extend this beyond three columns?
on Apr 6th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
This was “laugh out loud, fall out my chair” funny! I would have loved to shared some of these with my former history department colleague Bob Harris, who went home to Heaven last year. He would have thought them to be hilarious as well, since he did get to do some of the more humorous Shakespearian roles with the Classic Players.
on Apr 7th, 2007 at 10:17 pm
Thanks for providing so many great possibilities for insults, thou reeky, onion-eyed pignut
Rob adds:
Timothée, what did I do to deserve such an insult?!