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Shakespearean Insult Kit


I wanted to post a really nice Easter story I'd received by email some time back, but when I did a web search, I found that I could use it only with special permission. I wrote the author for permission, but it has not yet come. If you'd like to read the story, you can do so at http://www.cresourcei.org/jegg.html where it is posted with the author's permission. My link to this site is not an endorsement of everything else on the site.

I ran across something in my files the other day that I thought some of you might enjoy - a Shakespearean Insult Kit. Use it if you need fresh ideas for when boorish rubes intrude upon your serenity?

Ye Olde Official Shakespearean Insult Kit
(I've seen this attributed several times to Jerry Maguire, English teacher at Center Grove High School in Greenwood, Indiana.)

With this handy-dandy Shakespearean Insult Kit, you can have the spleen of The Bard at your disposal, with all his lexicographical command of vituperation.

To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with "Thou." To enjoy this fully, you really should try to say the Shakespearean insults out loud.

SAMPLES:
Thou unmuzzled beetle-headed ratsbane!
Thou surly tickle-brained measle!
Thou reeky hasty-witted bugbear!

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3
artless

bawdy

beslubbering

bootless

churlish

clouted

craven

currish

dankish

paunchy

pribbling

puking

puny

qualling

rank

reeky

spongy

surly

tottering

unmuzzled

vain

venomed

villainous

wayward

weedy

yeasty

base-court

bat-fowling

beef-witted

beetle-headed

boil-brained

clapper-clawed

clay-brained

crook-pated

dismal-dreaming

ill-breeding

ill-nurtured

knotty-pated

milk-livered

motley-minded

onion-eyed

plume-plucked

rude-growing

shard-borne

sheep-biting

spur-galled

swag-bellied

tardy-gaited

tickle-brained

toad-spotted

unchin-snouted

weather-bitten

apple-john

baggage

barnacle

bladder

boar-pig

bugbear

bum-bailey

canker-blossom

clack-dish

clotpole

lout

maggot-pie

malt-worm

mammet

measle

minnow

miscreant

pignut

pumpion

ratsbane

skainsmate

strumpet

varlet

vassal

whey-face

wagtail

All's well here. *Lots* going on at this time! I've been in a "grading vortex" this week with many compositions and tests to grade. (Who makes these assignment sheets anyway?!) Yesterday we attended this year's Living Gallery with several neighbors who really enjoyed it. Tomorrow morning is our monthly Men for Missions breakfast at church. After that we have choir practice till noon for Sunday. Sunday we're having two identical services for Easter at our church, with lots of special music. Monday Becka and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversary.

Our grandson is 4 weeks old today and is doing fine. Megan is feeling much better and would be feeling even better if she got a full night's sleep! 🙂 The other day I posted several new pictures of him (see the blog entry under this one). When I posted those, Becka wanted me to put out several pictures of our flowers out front. The pictures don't do them justice. They're really beautiful.

quotation...

"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me." - unknown

=^..^= =^..^=

Wishing you a Blessed Easter! He is risen indeed!

Rob

Copywight 2007 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.


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3 Comments on “Shakespearean Insult Kit”

  1. #1 Paul Graggy
    on Apr 6th, 2007 at 9:01 am

    Can I extend this beyond three columns?

  2. #2 David McGuire
    on Apr 6th, 2007 at 1:43 pm

    This was “laugh out loud, fall out my chair” funny! I would have loved to shared some of these with my former history department colleague Bob Harris, who went home to Heaven last year. He would have thought them to be hilarious as well, since he did get to do some of the more humorous Shakespearian roles with the Classic Players.

  3. #3 Dr. K
    on Apr 7th, 2007 at 10:17 pm

    Thanks for providing so many great possibilities for insults, thou reeky, onion-eyed pignut 😉

    Rob adds:
    Timothée, what did I do to deserve such an insult?! 😎